upset

I just got into a hugh fight with FH about not having a job and he said to me "what do you want to call off the wedding"

i was like no i dont but you need to get a job and he hung up on my and now he wont answer his phone. I just so upset that this is going on. I cant take this stress anymore, worrying about the bills, The wedding that needs to be paid for and im the only one that is saving and that money is going out the window b/c he uses it. Im have such heart palpations right now and chest pain. I feel like crap... WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN ME???????

Re: upset

Re: upset

He refuses to get a job????????

Re: upset

i'm not sure of the background... does he just refuse to get a job, or did he get laid off from a job he had?
if he got laid off, that can be a VERY tough thing to deal with and really depressing for teh person... so it doesn't help to have people nagging about getting a job, because i'm sure he already feels bad enough.
BUT, if he just flat out refuses to get a job well... you need to have a serious talk with him, and really look at where you guys are going, and your future goals.
good luck!

Re: upset

Why does he has such free access to your money? I would cut that off right now! Maybe if he doesn't have any money it would motivate him to find a job. I would be concerned as to why he doesn't want to find a job and doesn't seem to worry about it?

Re: upset

I saw on the Career Board you said he's been unemployed for three months. I think the stress of wedding planning is a good way of seeing how people react under stress...And honestly, if the bills need to be paid, I think he needs to take a job at the mall or whatever to make ends meet and do what needs to be done. It may not be ideal, but you need to pay the bills. It would worry me that he isn't trying to help out more during this time of crisis, and it would worry me that this is going to be how he will react when you need him in the future--by sitting playing video games or whatever while you work.

Re: upset

Posted by Phyl

He refuses to get a job????????

Re: upset

Posted by nov04libride

I saw on the Career Board you said he's been unemployed for three months. I think the stress of wedding planning is a good way of seeing how people react under stress...And honestly, if the bills need to be paid, I think he needs to take a job at the mall or whatever to make ends meet and do what needs to be done. It may not be ideal, but you need to pay the bills. It would worry me that he isn't trying to help out more during this time of crisis, and it would worry me that this is going to be how he will react when you need him in the future--by sitting playing video games or whatever while you work.

Re: upset

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but IMO: If you're dealing with such stress at this time living on one income, paying for bills & then a wedding....maybe you guys shouldn't get ba hving this wedding right now. If he's having a hard time finding a job in his feild then maybe he should just try something else, some income is better than no income. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: upset

Posted by nov04libride

I saw on the Career Board you said he's been unemployed for three months. I think the stress of wedding planning is a good way of seeing how people react under stress...And honestly, if the bills need to be paid, I think he needs to take a job at the mall or whatever to make ends meet and do what needs to be done. It may not be ideal, but you need to pay the bills. It would worry me that he isn't trying to help out more during this time of crisis, and it would worry me that this is going to be how he will react when you need him in the future--by sitting playing video games or whatever while you work.

Re: upset

Posted by LadyMaravilla

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but IMO: If you're dealing with such stress at this time living on one income, paying for bills & then a wedding....maybe you guys shouldn't get ba hving this wedding right now. If he's having a hard time finding a job in his feild then maybe he should just try something else, some income is better than no income. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: upset

Posted by kabo0831

Posted by LadyMaravilla

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but IMO: If you're dealing with such stress at this time living on one income, paying for bills & then a wedding....maybe you guys shouldn't get ba hving this wedding right now. If he's having a hard time finding a job in his feild then maybe he should just try something else, some income is better than no income. I'm sorry you're going through this.

thank god the wedding isnt until 09

Re: upset

Posted by kabo0831

Posted by nov04libride

I saw on the Career Board you said he's been unemployed for three months. I think the stress of wedding planning is a good way of seeing how people react under stress...And honestly, if the bills need to be paid, I think he needs to take a job at the mall or whatever to make ends meet and do what needs to be done. It may not be ideal, but you need to pay the bills. It would worry me that he isn't trying to help out more during this time of crisis, and it would worry me that this is going to be how he will react when you need him in the future--by sitting playing video games or whatever while you work.

true, He had a better job oppt went to start that new job and then met with the new manager and told him that he didnt have enough exp. so he lost his job.(already quit the other one) So since aug he has been out of a job. I tell him everyday that you need to found a job. When i come in to work every morning i look at all the job sites and post his resume and also apply for jobs for him and it seems like we arent getting anywhere. He has interview but he isnt getting the jobs. Last week he had 3 job interview and nothing, LIRR, Alarm, Warehouse, Nothing. This week he has alarm, warehouse and tom is frito lay. Then next week he has cablevision. But he isnt getting the jobs. I dont know why and it's getting annoying to see him live like this. We have an account from the money we got from our engagement party and he has the card. So that is how he is getting the money. But then i am bad myself i give him money for gas, pay his cell phone bill and i pay for dinner. I know i have to stop that so as of today im done giving him money. no more money to him. maybe this will move his butt alittle more.

Re: upset

Re: upset

Re: upset

Re: upset

I was actually in your FH's position last year. I got laid off 11 months before our wedding and we still had so much to pay for. Granted i was getting unemployment, but that is not much. Right before my unemployment ran out i dwent to an employment agency, which i was completely against, but i could not find anything. I got a temp to perm job, working for a company that worked with american home mortgage, that job closed shop sortta. But thankfully i found a job right after that. It can be stressful on him just as much as you. I am not taking his side at all, i am sure your situation is different, but my now DH made me feel like crap when i wasn't working, just by saying things like, you have to get a job, i am paying for this i am paying for that. It caused alot of fights between us the last year before our wedding. I am sure things will work out. Has he tried an employment agency. They dont pay much but better than nothing. And it could turn perm. Or he can do it til he finds something else.

Re: upset

i do feel bad that he lost his job, and it sounds like hes had enough time to "get over" it and find a new one. i agree that this doesn't look good for how he would handle things in the future. he seems way to comfortable letting you handle everything and letting everything fall on your shoulders, instead of being a team and stepping up to do what needs to be done ( get even a low paying job at mcdonalds).
you DEFINITELY need to stop handling his business for him.. its NOT your responsibility to look for jobs for him while you're working your own job! you also need to stop giving him money for everything... he has no reasno to look for a job if you keep paying for everything for him.
good luck with this!!

Re: upset