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Message edited 9/7/2007 8:51:18 AM.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Sorry you have to deal with this whole naming issue!

My DH was not at all interested in naming the baby after him. I actually asked him again yesterday and he still says no!

Hopefully, you and DH will come to some sort of agreement that you can both live with... or maybe you will have 2 girls!!!

Are you going to find out the sex of the babies?

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

I think the reason his dad goes by the middle name is because HIS dad went by the first name. So to avoid confusion back then, they used the middle name for my DH's Dad. But then when my DH was born they just continued and used the middle name for him also. But my DH has said he doesn't like the first name. So I don't get it at all.
We've spoken about the fact that they are our kids and his Dad got to name them what he wanted. Now it is our turn.
If we don't go by his full name, we will use his first name as the middle name for the first boy, which I'm completely fine with.
This should be fun, but it's so annoying. I almost want to say let's name the first girl (if we have one) after me and see how he reacts (not that I would ever do it, though). There are sooooo many awesome names out there, I hate repetition.
I get so annoyed when I hear families who have a tradition that the first boy is names XXXXX. Then at a party there are 15 people with the same name. I want to say to the person that started it - get over yourself.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

It's tough... and again, during this exciting time I am sorry you have to deal with the added stress of names!

I have a cousin who has 2 boys. The first, they named the middle name after his FIL. With the second boy, my uncle assumed that the middle name would be after him. Turns out my cousin chose not to name the middle name after my uncle, but instead a completely unrelated name.

Needless to say, my uncle was mad, hurt, you name it. But you know what, after time he still has another grandson who he loves and adores! My dad made it clear to me that he didn't care about the name thing which made our choice easy. If your DH doesn't like his own name, I can't imagine him wanting to give his own son the same name to hate! I like the middle name idea!

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

My son is a III. I was told when we were dating that our first son would be named after DH. Honestly? I don't and never did have a problem with it, to me it is a respect thing. Plus I never knew my FIL, he passed away before I met DH, so I think it is nice that we are carrying on a family name.

No offense, I know most people wouldn't agree with me, but I'd just deal with it.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

I agree w/you 100%. I don't get the whole II, III, etc thing. The only way I could see not breaking it is if the family was traced back many many generations or to someone maybe politically famous (like the Kennedys, Vanderbuilts, etc), and my kid was going to be like the 10th or something.

My DH wasn't that into naming DS after himself, however we chose to do it anyway with a different middle name. ONLY b/c #1 I think the name is adorable and #2 I had the choice to use whatever middle name I wanted.

But anyway, in his family, its tradtion to name the baby after the grandfather...which I am SOOO not doing since DH's father has a really italian name and our baby will only be 1/4 italian, if that.

I think you should have DH talk to his Dad and see how important it is to him. Maybe it won't matter all that much? I think it would be much easier convincing DH not to name the baby after him if it didn't matter much to his Dad. If it does, then you may have to just deal with it, as marraige does entail many comprimises!! But I think its really not fair, he would be your son too and you should have a say.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

My DH wanted to name the baby (if it's a boy) after his father, which is the same thing as naming the baby after him. I flat out refused. Instead the boy's name we have is my father's middle name and his father's middle name.

There was discussion about this in the last few weeks and someone said that naming a child the same exact thing as the father is giving MIL the opportunity to pick the name for your child. In your case since DH is a III, it's like giving his grandma the opportunity to name your child. Why should you do that?? It is your child with DH - not anyone else's child.

Stick to your guns.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Would your DH be willing to have his name as the middle instead of first?

My daughter is going to be named after DH's father.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

I think you need to tread lightly with this. I am in the same situation with DH (HATE his name) but you can't really say that without insulting DH directly and his family. DH has flat out said to me that as the only boy in his family, his father and both his aunts would be insulted and deeply hurt if we did not name the baby after DH. It is a matter of respect (one which I don't get) but something that is very important to him and his familiy.

Maybe you can say something like "if we have 2 boys, won't one feel less "special" or left out if he is named after you and the other isn't?" Or since they will be twins, you want to encourage individuality, even in naming?

Hopefully this will work out for the 2 of you!

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

i can see where you're coming from, but this is a very sticky situation... i think it may be one of those times where you have to give in, given how much it means to DH.

we are in a different situation - DH is jewish, so we will be naming the baby after family members (his and mine) who have passed away. we've had a name set for a LONG time, but recently DH's grandmother's health has taken a turn for the worse. DH has expressed to me his wish to name the baby after his grandmother if (G-d forbid) she were to die before the baby is born. do i really want to change my baby's name now, after i've been calling him by another name all this time? no... but it means so much to DH, i will cave on this one.

but back to your situation - if you have two boys, only one of them will get DH's name. do you think that might create tension between the twins in the future? that's the only situation that i would be worried about, and i might not use DHs name in the case of two boys... jmo. good luck

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

here is a thought:
If you have 2 boys give one boy DH's first name and the other DH's middle name as MIDDLE names. Then chose names that you love for the first names. You are still keeping the names in the family, but in a different way.

Can you reverse the names and do DH's middle name as your son's first name? Then chose a middle name that you want?

I don't care if someone wants to continue a naming tradition. My husband is Scott and I love his name but had zero desiree for a JR or to use his first name for our son. My husband said if I really wanted a JR. he would have been fine with it but it was not a high priority. If you had really, really wanted it I would have comprimised as a middle name.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)

Let me just say again that if DH really pushes for this, I will back down. However, I do believe that if we had two boys, one would feel slighted.
I will agree to having DH's first name as both boys middle names to keep things even as long as we get to pick new first names.
This whole post was about the fact that he doesn't really like his name, doesn't like the fact it is so long, that it is so confusing to always explain why he is called his nickname, etc. and the mixup in mail, phone calls, etc. I believe he would be doing it to make his Father happy and since I am carrying these babies, I feel I should have an honest say in naming them. Plus the name is very Italian, which DH is only 50% and I am 0%. The baby will be more Irish than anything else and I just can't imagine having that name.
Thanks for all your responses.

Re: Naming after DH (vent)