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What exactly is friendship?
I know, not alight question....
but I have this friend who has suffered a lot of ilnesses, but she insists on running herself into the ground
One day she complains about being so tired and exhausted and sick because she does too much for other people - and she does.
Then she runs around and continues.
I called her on it today and she exploded on me.
I dont understand how you can be friends with someone if you cant be honest with them and tell them how you feel. But I feel that my friends dont ever want to be called on what their issues are.
i have learned a lot from other friends, how they have analyzed my behavior, the things I do, etc, and have grown from the process. I like when people dont blow smoke up my a s s and tell it to me straight....
Am I a rare breed, or are most people like that, and I just choose crummy friends?
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Posted 8/27/07 1:07 PM  |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Friendship is being able to be honest with a person & not fear repurcusions.
Friendship is being able to talk about what goes on your life, but just having someone there to listen. It's not always for advice.
When a "friend" blows up on you for calling her out on something, it may be time to rethink how good of a friendd they are. I have a friend who is just like the one you were describing. But she at least does not get mad when I call her out on it.
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:17 PM |
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Alicia
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/07 390 total posts
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We Are So Grateful!
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by BikerGrl
When a "friend" blows up on you for calling her out on something, it may be time to rethink how good of a friendd they are. I have a friend who is just like the one you were describing. But she at least does not get mad when I call her out on it.
Also, friendship is not judging the "authenticity" of the relationship based on one scenario or some ones first reponse.
I can't count how many times my first response in a situation has been the wrong response. But given time to think about it, I would usually correct it.
So, don't let her response push you away. Especially if she has ben ill, there are alot of emotions involved in that type of situation. 
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:38 PM |
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by Alicia
Posted by BikerGrl
When a "friend" blows up on you for calling her out on something, it may be time to rethink how good of a friendd they are. I have a friend who is just like the one you were describing. But she at least does not get mad when I call her out on it.
Also, friendship is not judging the "authenticity" of the relationship based on one scenario or some ones first reponse.
I can't count how many times my first response in a situation has been the wrong response. But given time to think about it, I would usually correct it.
So, don't let her response push you away. Especially if she has ben ill, there are alot of emotions involved in that type of situation.
Thats a good point.
but how can you watch someone who needs to rest in order to get better keep pushing herself?
I feel she is doing it to be self-destructive
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:44 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Thats a good point.
but how can you watch someone who needs to rest in order to get better keep pushing herself?
I feel she is doing it to be self-destructive
she may be. And you can (and should) tell her that.
But I also learned that being a good friend is telling someone how you feel, and standing back as they make their own decisions- even those you don't agree with.
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:49 PM |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Alicia
Posted by BikerGrl
When a "friend" blows up on you for calling her out on something, it may be time to rethink how good of a friendd they are. I have a friend who is just like the one you were describing. But she at least does not get mad when I call her out on it.
Also, friendship is not judging the "authenticity" of the relationship based on one scenario or some ones first reponse.
I can't count how many times my first response in a situation has been the wrong response. But given time to think about it, I would usually correct it.
So, don't let her response push you away. Especially if she has ben ill, there are alot of emotions involved in that type of situation.
Thats a good point.
but how can you watch someone who needs to rest in order to get better keep pushing herself?
I feel she is doing it to be self-destructive
There are only so many times I can tell my friend that I think she needs to take care of herself............after that all I can do is be there if she needs to be picked up.
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:50 PM |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by Alicia
Posted by BikerGrl
When a "friend" blows up on you for calling her out on something, it may be time to rethink how good of a friendd they are. I have a friend who is just like the one you were describing. But she at least does not get mad when I call her out on it.
Also, friendship is not judging the "authenticity" of the relationship based on one scenario or some ones first reponse.
I can't count how many times my first response in a situation has been the wrong response. But given time to think about it, I would usually correct it.
So, don't let her response push you away. Especially if she has ben ill, there are alot of emotions involved in that type of situation.
I certainly do not discount a friendship based on one experiance. My statement is based on when this is something that happens frequently......I guess I should have clarified that.
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:52 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
I think you also have to take into account personalities. I tend to get upset if I feel like someone is being criticla of me, and I blow up. Then I take some time to think about it and when I'm calmer I can talk about it with that person. It's not something I'm proud of, and I am trying to change it, but flying off the handle tends to be my initial reaction.
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| Posted 8/27/07 1:59 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 7/13/2009 3:48:05 PM.
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:05 PM |
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SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
A Healing for Gregory
Member since 1/07 1217 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Sometimes being honest with someone is not necessarily the right route to take. Unfortunately, people don't always want to hear the truth from their friends.
I have some friends that I can talk openly and honestly with about anything. Then there are the others ... I watch what I say and just respect and love them for who they are.
Each friendship offers me something that I need in my life .. each one is different ... some more honest and sincere than others.
To find someone you can be 100% honest with is very rare. Most people will tell you what you want to hear ... rather than the truth.
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:05 PM |
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Alicia
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/07 390 total posts
Name:
We Are So Grateful!
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
I certainly do not discount a friendship based on one experiance. My statement is based on when this is something that happens frequently......I guess I should have clarified that.
O.k.
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:17 PM |
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
Sometimes being honest with someone is not necessarily the right route to take. Unfortunately, people don't always want to hear the truth from their friends.
I have some friends that I can talk openly and honestly with about anything. Then there are the others ... I watch what I say and just respect and love them for who they are.
Each friendship offers me something that I need in my life .. each one is different ... some more honest and sincere than others.
To find someone you can be 100% honest with is very rare. Most people will tell you what you want to hear ... rather than the truth.
maybe thats why I have so few friends. i only want people that can be open and honest with me... and vice versa....
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:19 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by CathyB
I think you also have to take into account personalities. I tend to get upset if I feel like someone is being criticla of me, and I blow up. Then I take some time to think about it and when I'm calmer I can talk about it with that person. It's not something I'm proud of, and I am trying to change it, but flying off the handle tends to be my initial reaction.
I was think the same thing.
Sometimes, people need a moment or two to "digest" what's just been said to them, especially if they don't like what they've just heard.
Give her some time to come around or as some other posters have said, be there for her when she falls.
I wouldn't necessarily give up on the friendship just yet.
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:35 PM |
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by CathyB
I think you also have to take into account personalities. I tend to get upset if I feel like someone is being criticla of me, and I blow up. Then I take some time to think about it and when I'm calmer I can talk about it with that person. It's not something I'm proud of, and I am trying to change it, but flying off the handle tends to be my initial reaction.
I was think the same thing.
Sometimes, people need a moment or two to "digest" what's just been said to them, especially if they don't like what they've just heard.
Give her some time to come around or as some other posters have said, be there for her when she falls.
I wouldn't necessarily give up on the friendship just yet.
I'm not giving up on the friendship, just the degree of the friendship, if that makes sense....
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:38 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by CathyB
I think you also have to take into account personalities. I tend to get upset if I feel like someone is being criticla of me, and I blow up. Then I take some time to think about it and when I'm calmer I can talk about it with that person. It's not something I'm proud of, and I am trying to change it, but flying off the handle tends to be my initial reaction.
I was think the same thing.
Sometimes, people need a moment or two to "digest" what's just been said to them, especially if they don't like what they've just heard.
Give her some time to come around or as some other posters have said, be there for her when she falls.
I wouldn't necessarily give up on the friendship just yet.
I'm not giving up on the friendship, just the degree of the friendship, if that makes sense....
I totally understand.
Given your prior statement of wanting friends that you can be totally honest with, that may be a good idea for the both of you. This way you have the best of both worlds, you're still friends with this girl but you're not making yourself crazy trying to help her.
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| Posted 8/27/07 2:50 PM |
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SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
A Healing for Gregory
Member since 1/07 1217 total posts
Name:
Barbara
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
Sometimes being honest with someone is not necessarily the right route to take. Unfortunately, people don't always want to hear the truth from their friends.
I have some friends that I can talk openly and honestly with about anything. Then there are the others ... I watch what I say and just respect and love them for who they are.
Each friendship offers me something that I need in my life .. each one is different ... some more honest and sincere than others.
To find someone you can be 100% honest with is very rare. Most people will tell you what you want to hear ... rather than the truth.
maybe thats why I have so few friends. i only want people that can be open and honest with me... and vice versa....
It's better to have a few TRUE friends than a whole lot of superficial friends!
I think you're on the right track!
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| Posted 8/27/07 3:44 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: What exactly is friendship?
Posted by SPECIALNEEDSMOMMY
It's better to have a few TRUE friends than a whole lot of superficial friends!
I think you're on the right track!
Couldn't have said it better myself!!
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| Posted 8/27/07 4:19 PM |
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