Help with a so called friend

Ok, need your help ladies and also need to vent.

I have this friend I've known forever. We've drifted over the last couple of years. She is def. a selfish person at times.

Ok, so a two weeks ago she left me a message at work and I didn't return her call (been super busy), then she left me a message saying why I didn't return her call. I then responsed with "I've been super busy at work, got a promotion, and my DH's Nana passed away and I've been really busy". So, now its like almost 2 weeks later and nothing, no call, no message.

Its kinda bothing me because last night I was talking to another friend and they mentioned why I didn't go to my other friend Tri Race (she's an athlete). I responsed with how busy I've been and she said that my friend would have liked me to go.

Ok, its pisses me off because here's a friend who has yet seen my new place (which I was super excited for) and moved into over 6 mos ago, never responded back with a "I'm sorry for your loss" about my DH's Nana death (meanwhile my other friends were amazing), and never said "Congrats" for my promotion which everyone knew I busted my hump for.

Should I say anything? Is it even worth it? I just really didn't like hearing about it through another friend, you know...


Thanks

Re: Help with a so called friend

I don't think it's worth it at all. Sometime people drift away from each other...she just seems too involved in her own life to even care about another's.

Re: Help with a so called friend

Obviously you are both upset about things the other person is doing or not doing but not addressing it.

The other friend seems like she probably just wants everything to be OK. I would definately call her and try to talk about it.

Re: Help with a so called friend

Re: Help with a so called friend

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Message edited 2/16/2011 3:36:11 PM.

Re: Help with a so called friend

It depends, do you want to keep her as a friend? If so, you two need to talk and clear the air. Give her a call saying you want to GTG to catch up since you have both been really busy and go from there. If you don't care to maintain the friendship, don't bother.

Re: Help with a so called friend

See that's just it, I'm not sure if its even worth it. The friends I talk to most are the ones that are there for me and vice versa when its needed. Not her, which is making me realize whats important. Even my friend in FL, who I try and talk to once a week, always asks about me and vice versa. Last couple of times I've seen this friends its been like dull boring coversation. She hates talking about marriage, babies, weddings, houses because they don't appeal to her. But she can talk forever about Tri Races and such. I'm a good friend who will listen to that, but I think we've lost so much touch and are in such different stages in our lives, it may not be worth it.

It still hurt though for her to feel like I neglected her "hobby" (yes Tri Races are a hobby) while I was with my DH's family through the death.

Re: Help with a so called friend

Don't bother. She was obviously upset that you did not come to her Tri Race - so much so that she mentioned it to your mutual friend. Apparently a friend's move into their first house, promotion and death in the family do not mean as much to her as her Tri Race.

She is admittedly selfish and it's showing again. I would just let this one go and only see her when necessary.

Re: Help with a so called friend

I'm sorry for your heartache. And I'm sorry your friend is making you feel this way.

I would take a break from her.

If she chooses to approach YOU about it and discuss her feelings with YOU (and not a 3rd party), then tell her how you really feel.

Tell her all the things that have been going on in your life, the good and the bad. Let her know these are major events, not just excuses to put her off.

Everyone goes through periods of when they are super busy and life gets crazy. True friends understand this and are worth keeping around.

It sounds like your gut is telling you that she might not be the type of friend worth fighting for.

Re: Help with a so called friend

thanks for all the advice girls!!

Re: Help with a so called friend

You know my opinion

She calls when she is available and really truly only cares about what is important to her..

Shall I go on and on???.....

I truly believe that your good friends are the ones that you have things in COMMON with. Some people are placed into your life, but don't always make it to the finish line



p.s. I am in your boat all the way. It's you and me in this together Mama!

Re: Help with a so called friend

Katie, you rock. I told Dave and I'm sure you can only imagine what he thought about her....

Re: Help with a so called friend

Re: Help with a so called friend

I also told Kyle yesterday at lunch, they both said "Why do you care, she's a waste". Oh well, there is my answer...


Have fun this weekend!!