Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

We all share the same inability to have a child. But how else has infertility affected your life? Work, school, finances, friends, family????

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

I would say it has made DH and I much closer and a little bit poorer. I have also found out who my real friends are. It is hard to remember back to when it wasn't an issue so I can't say how much or in what ways it has changed me as a person, but I just know that it has.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

DH and I are very private people so sharing this struggle with family and friends was very hard. So, we were each other's support network. Except for all of you here, you guys really supported us!

Financially, I had to switch jobs in order to secure better insurance. I hated my new job but have grown to love it!

Personally, I have grown to understand how my body works and appreciate what it will mean to be a mother!

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

I'll try and answer for me too.

Financially- we had to borrow money against our home equity and give up the new kitchen we had planned with that money

socially- I have had to share initimate details of my life not only with a million medical people but also friends and family, whom I love, but on a regular day would not have shared such intimate details with

I am someone who always thought where there is a will theres a way, and I have learned thats not always true.

I have realized that man plans and God laughs. I never thought I would have an only child. And never thought he would be going into school without a sibling right behind him.

I know what it is like to feel powerless.

I know what it is like to be truly depressed.

I gave up being someone with a perfect attendance at work, to being someone who has used all their sick time

On a bad day, I have to avoid certain people or situations (baby showers). I sometimes cry when I see baby things. And now when I notice pregnant woman everywhere it no longer leaves me with the "oh how sweet" feeling but the "OMG are there pregnant women EVERYWHERE" feeling

It has made me much more sensitive to childless couples. I dont think I will EVER ask someone when they are having a child. And I will NEVER say "its time for you to have another one".

And probably the hardest thing for me personally, is I cant look at my DS baby pictures AT ALL. This makes me the saddest because they should bring happy memories but instead they are only painful reminders.

Message edited 7/24/2007 6:48:26 AM.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Financially, it has not yet impacted us at all. I do not consider co-payments for IUIs and/or sonograms to be a financial burden.

Socially, it becomes a topic when people talk about their kids and ask when (or if) we plan on having any.

It becomes hard when I go out and see babies or pregnant women looking happy and beautiful.

As far as work goes, it can be a pain in the neck. I have plenty of sick time, I just never know how many days I am going to need and when. Sometimes the days I need off are consecutive and I cannot make preparations for substitutes. It leaves my assistant short-handed though shes been incredibly understanding. I try to be as responsible as I can.

I'd be lying if I said that things at home werent strained. It is an unfortunate by-product of this process. Im on a constant short fuse and likely to blow at a moment's notice. I am only married barely a year and a half and we are supposed to be enjoying this time - not stressing. There have been times when I have alienated family members as well.

Sometimes I just want to be left alone.

Sometimes I want to talk about it and sometimes I dont.

Sometimes I just want to cry.

Sometimes I just dont want opinions.

Sometimes asking for prayers is simply not enough.

Sometimes I feel broken - actually more than sometimes.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Tough question, Pauline....

Work - I have had to tell them what is going on and honestly, hate that fact. Because I work in a small place - the gossip is insane, so everyone knows and I am constantly being asked what is going on, etc. etc. I hate that fact, I would have much prefered it to be private.

Finances - We took a big hit two years ago because our copays were really high for the RE and I went through 8 IUI cycles @ $40/visit. So even though copays don't usually make that big of a difference - this was difficult cuz we were saving for our house and laying out over $300/month in Dr. visits. We are still trying to recover from that - plus the meds for IVF now are expensive. We have gotten behind in our other bills because of this.

Friends and Family - This is the easiest for me. My friends and family have been extremely supportive without being invasive...and I can't begin to say how much I appreciate that. DH and I have gone through some really rough times because of this, but lately we have been totally supportive (it's strange how things change) of each other. We have really learned to lean on one another and talk about our feelings.

I'm tired of it...that's my biggest thing. I have been soooo aggressive about it and gotten nothing in return. I'm not sure how much I can do. Even though I know others have dealt with it longer - I feel like I can't take much more. It's been three years of almost constant medication (pills or injections) and testing - I'm pretty much done.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that it just may not happen for us and although it's difficult at least it's a conclusion.

Wow...sorry this was so long.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

I actually have a different relationship with some of my best friends because of what I went through and how unable to cope they were or understand etc.

Some people were open , honest and caring, others were crude, and just didnt BOTHER to understand or even try ( cause thats all I asked) and my relationships suffered....

Im also severly in Debt b/c of it and how much we had to spend to have the IUI's and IVF...

I also had to go Part time at work to be able to make all the appointments as my job was not one where I could be late on a continual basis.

And I had to quit school b/c I had zero time to fit it in.

BUt I also have a stronger relationship with my mom, my aunt and of course my husband because of it....and I have my child who was worth ALL of the above and then some.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

It's definitely affected us financially.

It's made me closer to my family, especially my Mom.

It's made me realize that I am a strong person and I have a positive outlook.

I realize that my husband is everything to me and is one of the bravest people I know.

I realize that hope can change everything-I NEVER picture myself childless.

I've made some good friends through IF that I probably never would have met.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Tough but great question Pauline

Work - currently I am a SAHW since at my last job it was impossible to take time off and the stress was incredible

Finances - there is alot of debt since we were never covered by insurance - I guess over these past 2 years it's close to $30,000

Family - I have had to share many private details of my life but everyone has been very supportive and really doesn't question - I told them that no news is bad news so they've been pretty good

Friends - The ladies I have met on this board are incredible - you know who you are and you have become such wonderful friends and a support system that is priceless to me

DH - I never realized I had such a wonderful, caring and supportive DH until all of this started, he is extremely optimistic and is a good balance to my pessimissm (spelling?)

General - I am really getting tired of the whole thing like Gerty mentioned, not sure of the next steps but something has to give one way or the other

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

Posted by rose825

I'll try and answer for me too.

Financially- we had to borrow money against our home equity and give up the new kitchen we had planned with that money

socially- I have had to share initimate details of my life not only with a million medical people but also friends and family, whom I love, but on a regular day would not have shared such intimate details with

I am someone who always thought where there is a will theres a way, and I have learned thats not always true.

I have realized that man plans and God laughs. I never thought I would have an only child. And never thought he would be going into school without a sibling right behind him.

I know what it is like to feel powerless.

I know what it is like to be truly depressed.

I gave up being someone with a perfect attendance at work, to being someone who has used all their sick time

On a bad day, I have to avoid certain people or situations (baby showers). I sometimes cry when I see baby things. And now when I notice pregnant woman everywhere it no longer leaves me with the "oh how sweet" feeling but the "OMG are there pregnant women EVERYWHERE" feeling

It has made me much more sensitive to childless couples. I dont think I will EVER ask someone when they are having a child. And I will NEVER say "its time for you to have another one".

And probably the hardest thing for me personally, is I cant look at my DS baby pictures AT ALL. This makes me the saddest because they should bring happy memories but instead they are only painful reminders.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

my dh and i are much closer. i'm more humble, i think.

due to our strong desire to become parents, we've had to ask family members for a loan. we understand the word 'no.' but if that 'no' comes with a lecture and insensitivity.. that causes a problem. and a deep rift. ack! some MILs. granted, MIL and i have always disliked each other but when a man's down, you don't kick him some more.

we turned to my family for money. i know money is a sensitive issue but it's brought my family and i even closer than ever.

we now have a healthy baby boy!

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

It hasn't hit us financially yet, but I am just waiting for the day.

I no longer take vacation time at work unless I have to, as I feel the need to save all my vacation days in case I need them for IF purposes.

I went from being a very patient and understanding person to one who absolutely CANNOT STAND to hear people complain. 99.9% of the things people complain about are just plain insignificant and stupid.

Once you have had surgery to end a much desired pregnancy, in an effort to save your own life, it changes you.

DH and I have grown closer and I realize what he is willing to do to protect me.

I have learned that people who love you and mean well can be unbelievably stupid and selfish.

If can damage friendships you thought were rock soild.

It has drawn my mother and I even closer. Her unending capacity to listen, to understand, to hope, to cry with me and to love continue to amaze me.

I, too, feel "broken".

I sometimes get sad when I pass the bedroom at the end of the hall that should be a nursery by now.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

It has brought DH and I a lot closer. We have a newfound love and respect for on another. I have opened up to my family and overall, they have all been great and have been there for me in one-way or another.

As for my friends, it has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. In the beginning, I wanted to isolate myself from certain friends. At no fault of their own, it came to the point where I didn’t want to talk with them b/c I was depressed and down in the dumps. Some understood and one of my friends didn’t. I used to be the “fun and crazy friend”. I went from always thinking and doing for others- to doing and caring about “me”. I have always been that person to want to take care of other people and make them feel better. Friends always came to me for support. Well, I had to turn things around and finally take care of “me” first before others and also, seek the support from others. That was difficult since I was always the giver. I also gained a new circle of friends on this board and others boards. All of you girls on this board have been supportive and truly inspirational! You are all so wonderful! I truly do not know where I would be without you.

Financially- we haven’t done IVF because up to most recently we had reached an empass. My husband had crappy insurance and didn’t cover it. I wasn’t working F-T and that didn’t help. We are still paying medical bills for my diagnostics and my myomectomy surgery back in Houston. But, we are finally able to see light at the end of the tunnel. I am working now and we will have the IVF coverage soon. But, it had been a rough two years financially.

I have become so educated about IF that the knowledge I learned from it has empowered me. Not only has it empowered me with my RE s but it has empowered me with other doctors. I learned that doctors do not know everything and that they all come with a different school of thought and at times, you have to question them.

I am also tired of IF taking control of my life. I want my life back. I am at the point where I am realizing that if children are not meant to be in my future, I am “okay” with it. But, I am not finish with that journey yet. I am getting near to it. I hope IVF will be a success for me.

I learned that the path I want to take is not exactly what God has planned out for me. I have often questioned GOD “why me?” I am hoping that God will present an answer one day to my “unanswered prayers” . Maybe, it’s because I would of never evolved to the person I am today if it weren’t for my struggles to have a children. I guess for now, I will appreciate the great gifts I have in my life.

I have learned that IF is not prejudice. That it comes in all social classes, races and genders. I just happen to be one of the many FACEs of IF.

Message edited 7/29/2007 10:58:41 AM.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

I have definitely noticed a change.

Financially - HUGE strain but its what we want and thank god for the IVF grant (which we will be applying for if my IUI doesn't work).

DH and I - We've become so much stronger as a couple, however it has caused a lot of stress but he is my rock when I have a meltdown and vice versa.

Me - So much more wiser about my body and reproductive system and DH's too! I am much stronger of a person...we all know that IF has taught us to hold back tears almost on a daily basis.

Good Luck ladies!

Message edited 8/3/2007 1:07:15 PM.

Re: Besides the obvious. How has IF impacted your life?

I am a control freak and a planner... in dealing with IF, I have learned to let those things go.

DH and I have become much closer, as we have not told family about our issues. Some friends know, but I do not know that they truly understand.