Underwhelming Family Response?

Okay, this time I have this on the right board. I just posted this to home!

I am curious to see if anyone else out there has not received a welcoming family response to their pregnancy.

Though it's early, we decided to tell DHs parents that I'm pregnant yesterday since we planned to see them anyway, and it will probably be several weeks before we see them again. He has not told anyone so far, and I thought it was fine if he wanted to tell his family early.

His father's response was what I would call normal, but his mother's was odd. I really didn't know what to make of it. She said nothing really, not even congratulations. Then after his father asked a few questions, she changed the subject very quickly. The look on her face when we initially told her was, well, one of horror.

Poor DH--he was really upset with the way his mom responded, and we left not long after he told them the news. I tried to console him, and told him that maybe they did not see this coming and she just didn't know what to say. And maybe this is true, but I keep seeing the horrified look on her face... I did tell him when things calm down, he should probably talk to her about this. Maybe she has some concern we're unaware of?

I don't get it. I think she's happy I'm in the family, or that's the impression I've always had, so I doubt she's thinking her son is sinking in deeper with me. Maybe she doesn't want grandchildren?

I really wish we hadn't told them so early now, but I suppose we would have had the same reaction later anyway.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

i have no advice just wanted to give u

and she will come around soon.....

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

Maybe she did not expect you to be PG right away and she is in shock. People act weird sometimes when they deal with their own issues.

Still, I am sure it felt awkward for you.

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I didn't exactly get an overwhelming response but that is just her way really. I'm sure they are happy, they just need to come around.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

that's a tough one. First of all -



Is this indicative of how they generally are? How did they react when you guys announced your engagement?

My FIL is as emotionally expressive as a stone. It bothers DH, but I guess I've just resigned myself to the fact that he's not changing. I certainly hope that this is not the case with your in-laws - could it have just been shock? Are they superstitious? Could they be the kind of people who worry a lot - maybe they're anxious until after the 1st trimester?

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

There are many reasons she could be shocked...a lot have to with age-being a grandma, her son becoming even more of independent man, mortality...I would try hard not to read into it, especially since you feel you were liked before all of this. It's a lot to take in.

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The only thing I can think of which is kind of stupid and should not be a reason to act that way at all is does she have a daughter who is trying and maybe hasn't gotten pregnant yet?

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Sorry that your news wasn't received better. That's odd

I know when I found out I was pregnant I told a very close friend & her dh ( her dh and my dh are very close ) of mine early on.
They were very happy, but also wished I had waited the "12 weeks" as she is a bit of a worry wart.

Maybe your MIL is a worry wart?


ANyway, I am happy for you

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

My in-laws never congratulated me either, butr I hope the congrats my dh.

sorry, some people respond weirdly, sure they will come around...

Message edited 4/9/2007 9:19:49 PM.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

Im sorry! I haven't told anyone yet, so have no clue what the response will be.

It can be something that she is going through.. middle age crisis?

I would not read too much into it, and honestly, I would want my DH to talk to his mom to find out. Maybe DH can talk to her to understand what is going on?

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Don't worry, the only people that need to be happy are you and your husband. a) Having everyone around you happy doesn't necessarily make you happy, and b) if you are already happy, that's all that matters...!

With Jules, everyone was estactic. When I told my MIL this time and Brian's aunt, the comments were OMG! DOes your mother know? Who is going to watch it? I thought you were on the pill? Are you happy? What are you going to do? His aunt did call to apologize a few days later, she said she was just in shock. His stepfather never even congratulated us, still to this day.

His real father cried because he was so happy-he lives in our house. My mother was thrilled, but quickly added you know I can't watch this one too. My father was so so, just wants to make sure they won't have to watch it.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

Posted by skygirl

Sorry that your news wasn't received better. That's odd

I know when I found out I was pregnant I told a very close friend & her dh ( her dh and my dh are very close ) of mine early on.
They were very happy, but also wished I had waited the "12 weeks" as she is a bit of a worry wart.

Maybe your MIL is a worry wart?


ANyway, I am happy for you

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

From your avatar it looks like you just bought a house as well. Maybe she was thinking it's a lot of change and expenses all at once. Not that I agree, but I remember it was something that was brought up to us, we were in our house about 6 months when we got pregnant with our daughter.

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Is this the first grandchild? I found that ILs were not as excited as my side since it was not their first.


or I was also thinking - is she on the young side? Could she have been faced with aging and being a grandmother?

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

My parents acted the same way when my sister announced she was first pregnant. They where is shock, and really didn't talk about it right away. After a while, they got used to the idea that they where going to be grandparents, and they got excited. Now 3 kids later, my parents LOVE the grandchildren, and couldn't be happier.

I think my parents where:
A. In shock that their first born is going to be a mother, and that they are going to be grandparents. (Getting old thing).
B. That my sister was only married 6 months and they didn't own a house. I think my parents would of liked them to wait longer.(Not that this is your situation)

Don't worry, the whole situation will get better with time.

Message edited 4/10/2007 8:25:10 AM.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

I had a similar response from my in-laws when we first told them we were pregnant, but things have gotten much much better over time. I hope your MIL will come around in time too.

She have been surprised, she may have worries. Who knows why she reacted the way she did -- that's not your problem. And the best advise I can give you is to try not to worry about it -- just keep her involved and let her come around in her own time.

We told my in-laws over the phone (since they live 1000 miles away) when we were at about 6 weeks and we got the same reaction as when we told them we got a new plant . . . "Well . . . that's . . . nice." I was so upset I couldn't even stay on the phone and afterwards my DH cried -- and he's not a crier.

Now we are at 17 weeks and they have been fine. My FIL offered to make some of the furniture for the baby's room and my MIL is knitting a blanket. We send them sonograms and they send us back notes comparing the amazing technology now to the dark ages when they had kids (apparently a rabbit actually had to die for them to know they were having DH).

I've come to accept that they are just not that effusive, but it doesn't mean that they love us or the baby-to-be any less.

Re: Underwhelming Family Response?

Thanks for all of your responses! While I wouldn't wish this response on anyone, it helps to know that there are others out there who did not get the gushing "normal' TV/movie response.

I really don't know what's eating at her, and I do agree that DH should talk with her about it at some point. Maybe give it a little time to sink in first.

It could be any number of things. This is her first grandchild, though DH just has one sister, and she is single and not trying to get pregnant, so that shouldn't be an issue. She may think we are taking on too much at once since as someone pointed out, we are buying a house and selling our co-op. In an ideal world, we wouldn't try to have a baby now as well, but we are 39 and 43 respectively so it was now or never. She also doesn't know that we've been trying for about 1 1/2 years, and this just happened now. If we got pregnant faster, we would have had the baby in the co-op initially.

I also thought she may think we will demand babysitting from her, and while that would be nice from time to time, we certainly wouldn't demand too much of her time. She is independent and has lots of hobbies and interests, so that could be a concern. My parents are in Florida, so she may think this will all get dumped on her.

Hopefully she will come around in time. I think she will. For now, I'll just keep reminding DH that his dad seemed happy which is good.

And, I had my first ultrasound today, and there is a heartbeat! It was really exciting to see and hear that, though the baby just looks like a little dark blob right now.

Thanks again for understanding!