For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Do you wish to be at SAHM mom but your DH does not support you on your decision.


I am having a battle with this. My husband says we will need the money after 3 months because we own 3 homes (investors) that we sometimes have to pay mortgage on. I told him I am not going back after 3 months and that is that. But am I being selfish? I feel like i resent him now for telling me that I may need to go back after 3 months if money runs low.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I would stay at home if I could. We don't need my salary to survive, but I have the healthcare coverage for our family. I know the hardest thing I'll do this summer is go back to work, but it's something I have to do for our family.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Well, I am the opposite here. My husband and I have decided from before I get pregnant that I will be home with the baby for an entire year.

I think everyone has to look at their financial situation to see if it is feasible or not.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I would love to stay at home for at least the first year if I could. DH supports me in this, but I'm not so sure we'll be able to afford it. We need to sit down and do the math at some point.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I COULD stay home for a year, but am opting to go to work part-time once she's 3 months old. Thankfully, with my job, I'll have the flexibiliity to only work a few hours a day.

DH does shift work and will be home Sun-Wed.....

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I want to work at least part time.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I think "selfish" is a being a little harsh.

But I would ask if you are being realistic.

I mean, would he say you need the money if you really didn't? What would be the point of that?

I would say sit down and figure out the numbers together so you can both make an informed decision.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

my DH would love for me to be a SAHM but unfortunately it cant be right now. I am lucky that i only have to go back part-time, 2-3 days, pretty much from 830-3-which isnt bad hours, plus my SIL is going to watch the baby 2 of the days, so we will save a lot of $$$. You do what you have too and everyones situation is different

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I don't think you're being selfish at all. You are putting your child as your priority and there is absolutely nothing wrong wtih that. I think maybe your DH is just trying to prepare you for what could happen. If your DH is anything like mine, he's all about being prepared for the future and having a "worst case scenario" solution in case we need it.

In our situation, I'll be going back to work after 3 mos. It's not because we need my salary to survive and my DH actually discussed with me the option of me staying home for longer period of time. However, my plan is to work for a few more years and then take some time off when our child is a toddler. By then, we hope to have a second child and I think it will be more important for me to be home then versus now. Of course, this is my plan based on our financial and working situations now. I'm aware it could change at any point. It's all a very personal choice and not everyone is in the same situation. If you feel you can be home for longer than 3 mos, I would make that your plan but just have a backup plan in case you need it.

Message edited 4/5/2007 9:07:47 PM.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Do you guys have a financial advisor who can give you a 3rd party perspective? I dont think you're being selfish at all for wanting to be a SAHM - and I think your DH's main concern is providing for his family. Can you formally sit down and crunch the numbers and see what is a viable solution/compromise? Is working part time possible?

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Good luck whatever decision you make. DH and I discussed this before DS#1 was born and we looked at it from each and every angle, and surprisingly, it made MUCH more sense for us financially for me to quit my job and be a full time SAHM. The tax benefits alone were worth it, daycare costs, commuting costs, etc... it turned out that for US, I would be working for a mere $150 in take home pay per MONTH when we factored in everything. Its been 4 years since I left my job and we are in a better financial position now than we ever thought possible even when I was working too.

Every situation is different though and you will find what works for you. Do not let ANYONE make you feel guilty for whatever you end up doing.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Because my salary is a huge portion of our new found mortgage I can't stay at home. I have to go back to work.

For our second (if in few years), I COULD stay home, but probablly won't because than we would need to seriously cut on our style of living.

Perhaps your husband is really concerned about being able to pay bills if you don't work? I would sit down with him to go over finances to see if its realistic.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Its a very tough decision. I am staying out for at least 6 months, then maybe going back part time, I dont have to return full time until DD's first birthday. I simply cannot believe that its already been 1 month and that my maternity leave runs out in 2 weeks! Just not ready to go back, it hardly seems like I have been out at all

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

If you are fighting over it he probably will resent you, just my honest opinion. Unless he supports your decision, then I see problems down the road. Fights over money, chores (you'll be expected to do everything), that kind of stuff. He may be scared about having enough money for the baby, men seem to really hold this fear more than women from what I've seen. I understand not wanting to go back to work, but I also get that if you have mortgages as investments you either need to sell one or two places for you stay home or perhaps you need to work at least part time.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

DH and I have rotating shifts and no family in the area. So that means we have to carefully plan our shifts at home and at work. We can't afford for me not to work, so I'm going back part-time. I also hope to pick up some shifts if somone is sick.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

if it helps the way dh and i decided I'll be a SAHM is b4 we got prego, we wayed out the pros and cons. and basically the SAHM won... financially it worked out to almost the same, btwn my daily expenses coming in to work and the cost of a full time day care provider it just didnt work out for us.
try to do the same, do the pros and cons to it and see what you come up with

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

Thanks ladies for all of your helpful replies. me working will help support us even more even though DH makes way more than me. However, i live in PA and daycare is very cheap out there. So i will only have to pay for daycare and commuting costs which is a very little amount coming out of my check each month. I just wish i can stay home longer. But if i have to go back to work then i must do what is best for my family. I guess i just lost some perspective on things for a minute there.

Re: For all of the soon-to-be Working Moms...

I think this is really a personal decision that the 2 of you need to agree on. I know that we could probably survive on my husbands salary but our style of living would have to change and I don't think I would be happy with that. I also have my mother and mother in law watching my baby so I am really not worried about going back to work. I think I would feel differenlty if I had to put my baby in daycare.