Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

He finished a tub of potato salad. leaves it on the counter.

Finishes a bag of nuts. Leaves it in the pantry.

Finishes a bag of chips. Puts the clip on and puts it back in the pantry.

Takes off his socks. Leaves them where he was standing.

Takes off his shorts. Leaves them where he was standing.

Takes off his shirt. Leaves it where he was standing.

Brushes his teeth. Leaves it on the sink.




I've tried the leaving it there method. He doesn't get the hint and I get annoyed by the mess. I've tried the 'Oh, you're out of socks?' trick...yeah, doesn't work.

WHAT do I do????? I KNOW his mother did not raise him like this!!! Trust me, she didn't coddle him.

Message edited 9/1/2018 1:51:07 PM.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Amen

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

I would have a sit down when you are calm and say honey you know I love you, but I am not your maid nor your mom, and I don't want to nag you so I am going to say this once. Please pick up after yourself. Cited what was above and for the next week, stop picking up after him. Don't mention the mess. But see what happens after the week. Of course you take care of your mess and if you do the laundry do it but not his socks because he did not put them in the hamper. He will likely complain, but you just say if it is not in the hamper it does not get washed.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Umm I kind of do that.
I don't put empty things back in the fridge or cabinet but I have been known to leave shoes everywhere, socks where I drop them, a mess everywhere in the bathroom.

I'm just a natural born slob and it's very hard for me/takes a lot of conscious thought/effort to not be. Being messy just comes naturally to me where being neat is an effort.
My DH is the opposite. Naturally a neat person.

So it's not a gender thing- definitely an individual person thing.

Though the stereotype is definitely that it's always men who are like this.

It also has nothing to do with the way he was raised- because my mom is totally neat and I was raised by her.

Message edited 9/5/2018 9:33:25 AM.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

After a few times of asking nicely to put things away, the clothes go in the garbage. I'm not there to clean up his messes. For the food, I just don't buy it until he lets me know he finished it.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

I have a friend who was known to put her husband's dirty dishes in his briefcase. Definitely sent a message when he found that on a monday morning at work. Not sure if anything changed though.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

DRIVES ME BAT SHIT CRAZY!!!

i know i'm not the neatest person in the world, but what SO does is beyond crazy. the living room is an obstacle course of his socks, shoes, underwear, towels, blankets... i kid you not.

his mother is just as bad... but she gets a pass because of her brain tumor and strokes.

his son moved back home a few weeks ago... it just keep getting worse and worse.

i'm about ready to grab my belongings and move into the shed.

i'm also about ready to withhold sex until he cleans up... wanna have hanky panky, foreplay is cleaning up your clothes off the living room floor.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

My ex was like this. No amount of talking to him did anything. He just told me to do it myself. Like if I see a plate was laying around, I would say please put that away. He just couldn’t get why if I saw it, why don’t I just do it! It was maddening.

My SO is a total opposite of that. Occasionally he will leave his coffee cup out, but I know that he is just tired in the morning. The only thing I have to tell him is to take out the garbage. But other than that, he cleans up after dinner fixes things with having to ask, no clothes around, he puts neatly folded up, and feeds the cats at their set time. He’s very organized, thank God. When I first saw all this behavior, I was like thank you so much, God! Of course he didn’t start doing everything at the beginnning because he had to learn about the apartment and stuff.

One thing that I find that works is to say something positive, like thank you for doing this and this. That works well. You don’t have to it every time, but they need the appreciation.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Yup. There was a shirt on the bedroom floor last night, asked DH if t was dirty... said it was the hamper was not even a foot away now if something isn’t out a way I throw it out or put it in the laundry. I tossed out some papers DH had on the table for like 2 months and then he randomly asked me for them, I said we had an office, the dining room table isn’t a mailroom. I’ve done it a lot lately with laundry and then he’s randomly looking for skmething I think the natural consequence of something being in the wash or trash is starting to resonate because he leaves less around than he did before

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

My DH is the same. But he says its my job to clean it up. Needless to say, this is a huge issue with us.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

DH is good about containers and such but last week I found a pile of dirty clothes behind the couch. Like a child who knew he’d get in trouble. I get mad when he leaves it out so apparently this was the solution so he could stay lazy and not have to listen to me. He failed because I found it.

He does his own laundry so eventually he would have wanted his sh!t clean and gotten it out of there.

Message edited 9/1/2018 6:36:43 PM.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

You’re not alone. I hate it with a pure passion. And is also a big turn off for me as well.

My sister used to throw out her DHs socks. Then she would put them in his briefcase along with empty potato chip bags.

I will leave the pile of socks. Eventually, he’ll be getting dressed and say “oh, I have no socks, you didn’t do laundry?”
No, I did. But your socks are on the living room foot rest!!! Eventually I can get him to collect his shit and put stuff where it belongs, but it’s a fight. I blame his mother. My MIL is a wonderful woman and I love her, but she practically wiped his ass til he moved out.

The next thing I plan on doing is collect his dirty socks and put them on his pillowcase.

Message edited 9/1/2018 10:07:03 PM.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

You know what DH does that drives me bat sh!t crazy? He puts his dirty clothes ON TOP of the hamper!! Like, is it really that difficult to lift the lid and throw them in. Ugh!! So annoying.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

DH has his own hamper and does the laundry, so that is not an issue. I taught him this.
However, he leaves drinking glasses everywhere.
I find them in the sink after I've washed the dishes.
He leaves paper everywhere, has no clue how to tear up junk mail and toss it in the recycling. Gets mad when the cat starts eating the paper and pukes all over.
I've taken to piling all his crap on his computer desk.
DH is retired and home all day. I work and commute.
There is no excuse.

I do blame his mother, for babying her only child. She babied her husband too.
Hard freaking habits to break.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

My "third" child (as I affectionately refer to him as lol) is a PITA. He puts NOTHING away. The side of his bed has a pile of laundry on the floor, the laundry that makes it to the bathroom is literally sitting in FRONT of the hamper, everything he eats or drinks is out on the counter, crumbs everywhere and literally NEVER even thinks to put something he uses in the dishwasher!! Grrrrrrr

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Garbage. It all goes in a bag outside. The sooner or later get it.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

This post makes me realize more and more how I should have been born a man. (Except I like dresses, heels, makeup and hair extensions too much! )
I am like the only woman on the planet who is a slob apparently.
Woman- clean, organized, takes care of everything!
Man- sloppy, messy, dirty, disorganized and lazy!
I must be missing the wonan gene!

Message edited 9/3/2018 8:25:15 PM.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

my son is this way. He's 10.

We are OCD with cleaning and keeping things tidy. So I don't get it!!!

Maybe it's the 1st child syndrome and we did do too much, but i've never been one to clean up after him.

But he is a SLOB. I don't get it. My 2nd isn't this way and neither is my 3rd so far.

Re: Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

Message edited 9/3/2018 9:23:36 PM.

Anyone else's oldest child (ahem...dh) NOT know where the garbage ohamper are

DH isn't that bad. He has gotten better over the years but that is because I am 1000% OCD about having things in their place and no clutter around. I think he got tired of the fighting and nagging I did when he would leave things around. He still does here and there but not to the extent he did when we first got married. I still find crumb bags of chips in the pantry, an open can of seltzer in the fridge with a drop of seltzer in it and once in a while a pair of shoes under the coffee table, but other than that, my nagging has broken him down to a place that I can tolerate