Re: Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted kids. My dh and I agreed, though, that if I had trouble, I didn't want any treatments, etc and would be fine child free.

My daughter just turned one.. She is the light of my life and I never knew how much I would love a human in my life!

With that being said, we are now unsure if we want more.

Mothers who regret having children

I have always wanted kids. I had a hard time getting pregnant with the first, didn't enjoy pregnancy really and was ok with having one. Then bam, surprise here comes #2! Now I have a 2yo and a 10mo. Its insane and exhausting but I am grateful. Do I miss my old life, sure sometimes I miss just being able to get up and go but this version of my life is definitely better!

Message edited 9/30/2016 1:17:13 PM.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I dont regret having kids i regret WHOM i had them with!

By 22 years old i knew i wanted to get married and have kids. I regret that i ended up a single mom its not what most women plan for

I also never considered what it would be like to have older kids. I was much better at parenting when they were under 8 and i always joke that i was only meant to be a mom of babies and toddlers! The older they get the more challenging it is. The rough days make me question what the hell i was thinking!

Mothers who regret having children

I just read the article and I think this has a lot to do with how society views mothers today and the expectations that mom's are supposed to do it all and not complain about it, perhaps even rejoice in it.

I don't want another life without my DD in it and I have always wanted children, but I certainly didn't realize how hard parenting would be. It's so hard and so demanding and the expectations that society has put on mothers makes it even more challenging. Social media plays a large part in this and I'm constantly having to remind myself that those "friends" that post on Facebook saying how amazing their children are and how they just love being a mom are not always posting reality.

I didn't stop being me when my DD was born, but I was supposed to be this whole new person who never had any individual needs and wants and was only supposed to be concerned with my child. It took me almost 8 months to start feeling like myself after giving birth. One of the reasons DH and I go back and forth about wanting a second is because selfishly I'm not sure I ever want to feel that way again.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted 3 children. When we were faced with infertility issues, it was like being kicked in the gut and I cried for a long time. We talked about every avenue how we could have children. Thankfully, we now have 2 healthy children...but I no longer want a third. DH sometimes does, but it's financially impossible. We feel complete.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Mothers who regret having children

I never wanted kids. That was until my mid 30s. I was still unsure but got to the point where I couldn't picture my life without them. I had DS after 2 years of trying and have been basically trying for another ever since. It makes me sad that ds will probably be an only child.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Thank you ladies for answering!

I've been on the fence to no kids for about forever. DH is the same. Since I lean more towards no, I don't think it would be a good idea.

The idea sounds nice, but I'm not interested in putting in much of the work that goes along with it. You also don't know what you are getting and I don't deal with surprises very well.

I know I must sound like a monster or something is wrong with me, which is what I am made to feel like when people ask if I have kids and I say no I get this "look."

It's an interesting article.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Message edited 9/30/2016 4:40:21 PM.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I don't regret it. We weren't having kids, then it took forever to have him. Now he's 7.5 and I can't imagine life without him. We are a new us, and it's excellent but I miss the carefree, sleep all day go out all night us too.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Don't have any. DH and I never wanted kids. We've been together for 12 years; I'm 35 and he's 37 and it's not something either of us have ever wavered on.

In fact, when I was diagnosed with cancer and freezing my eggs came up prior to treatment starting, it was a big fat quick NO. My doctor said it was one of the quickest conversations she ever had about fertility preservation.

We have a full, fun life together. We don't feel like we're missing out on anything.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted to be a mom and thought I'd have two kids. But I did go through a brief period after I got married (and thought I was pregnant right after the wedding) when I questioned whether or not I wanted them. I think it had always been so abstract to me- I didn't meet DH till I was 31, and we had a relatively short courtship and engagement. Prior to that I really wondered if marriage and kids was in my future so once it was I had to give it a much harder look.

I do love being a mom and am totally happy being a mom of one because I do feel I have less stress, and I still get to have the experience of being a parent. Fortunately my daughter loves being an only child.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Message edited 10/2/2016 5:41:19 PM.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

My husband and I went through infertility and wound up conceiving triplets, one if whom suffered a perinatal brain injury and subsequently has special needs. As a child free couple, we owned a beautiful apartment in the city, ordered take out almost every night, did fun and exciting things on a whim. I'm glad I had that time and didn't have kids until my mid 30s. Once we found out we were having triplets, we high tailed it to the burbs. I stopped working and we lost half our income. None of our friends were there, I went from working at a hedge fund to being couped up with three infants. It took a toll of my marriage. No, motherhood is not what I expected at all, especially having a child with pretty significant needs, but honestly, even on my worst days, I never wished for anything else. I never looked back. But I think that's largely because I carved out time for myself. I went into my 401k to pay for a part time mothers helper (definitely got judged by my MIL for this). I am unapologetic about going to the gym several times a week. I see a therapist. I got a part time job. I am not just their mom. Keeping a sense of self throughout this wild ride has made me appreciate motherhood more. I wish more moms were good to themselves.

As a mom of both typical and special needs children, I have to say, special needs moms are my tribe. Anyone who responded whose child has special needs, I get it :).

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Everyone makes the decision that works best for them and their lives.

I have two kids - they are my life - I just genuinely live and breathe those kids. I honestly don't know what I will do when they move away to college :(

I traveled a lot in my 20's so when I had my kids in my mid to late 30's I was ready. I was so ready that when my second child was born we decided we would like more kids but unfortunately that was not in the grand plan for us and after three miscarriages and utter heartbreak we gave up. I still feel empty and long for that 3rd child but it is what it is.

I am so glad to have been given this opportunity to be a mom. I try to cherish each stage with them as I know it will be gone by in the blink of an eye.

I don't miss being by myself or being just DH and I, traveling, eating out a few times a week, meeting up with friends etc...my priorities changed when my DD was born...it was not forced it just happened naturally. This is a really good fit for me and I honestly don't know what I would do without them.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted kids. It took me a while to be ready for one though. and then after DS was born I was traumatized b/c he was a difficult newborn. colic, reflux, he never napped well until later on.

It was Years before I wanted another. and by that time, I was past 35. I pursued a year of IUI's and IVF treatment with no luck. Im still not fully there yet with accepting there will be no more babies. But DS is almost 7 now and with that comes more independence and Im enjoying this stage.


However, KIDS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE. AND THAT IS OK!! I do not judge anyone who doesnt want them. They are a lot of work..lol.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I agree with so much that has been posted. thank you all for sharing. I always.wanted.children and thankfully so did DH. We have four.children and it's hard.work.for sure, but I.cant imagine my life without them. but what.struck me about everyone's posts is that it feels like to me and others that posted, someone is.always.judging you. if you choose not to have.kids, you're a monster, if only.had one, why didn't you give your.child a.sibling? in my case, I.constantly get, omg.. you have four? what were you thinking? it's like nothing we do is right and sadly (not on this post) but I feel like it's other women who are the.most judgemental. one of my 4 has some special needs and can be very challenging. I have 4 kids 7 and under. I am tired, I am stressed and I am back at work full time. I feel like no one understands. yes, I chose to have 4 kids, and I wouldn't change it for the world and would have another tomorrow if that was God's plan, but sometimes you just need someone who understands that motherhood is not all HAPPY days like you see on facebook. the day in and day out of the logisitcal challengrs of being responsible for other human beings is exhausting. social media and articles like this really just make it harder somedays.... like you're not getting it right. we just need to support each other...whatever our situation.