Mothers who regret having children

http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a22189/i-regret-having-kids/

I decided to make this anonymous because society will think you are a monster if you say that you regret having children.

With every option, it is assumed that you love your child.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I would have been fine with or without children.

I waited a LONG time to even consider it.
Then I got pregnant on the first try and that was VERY shocking to me (I had such issues with my periods etc that I just always assumed I would have difficulty getting pregnant)
However if I had been unable to get pregnant on my own I would not have pursued fertility treatments and would have been 100% find not having children.
If I had married someone who did not want children, I would have been fine without them too.

Now that my daughter is here I love her more than life itself and wouldn't change having her in my life for the world, but if I had taken this survey when she was a newborn and I was adjusting to the HUGE life change I might have answered the option- Yes I miss my old life, this wasn't what I expected.
The newborn stage was tough and a HUGE HUGE shock and lifestyle change

Message edited 9/30/2016 11:25:27 AM.

Mothers who regret having children

I answered that I always wanted children. However, I have the greatest respect for women who own up to not wanting any children or only wanting one child. It's a personal choice and I have no respect for a woman who judges another woman for something so personal.

Mothers who regret having children

I picked "other" because, no, I don't regret having my children for one second, but I still sometimes miss the carefree life of not having them. And all the extra disposable income :-P

Mothers who regret having children

I've always wanted kids. I would have been devastated if I was unable to have them. I did pursue fertility treatments and don't regret it one bit. I love my girls they are my world. That said I can see where someone who wasn't fond of having kids in the first place may feel some regret.

Kids are awesome, amazing, etc but they are also exhausting. They drain your energy, bank account and totally change your life. If you were on the fence or unprepared I can see how some people may regret it.

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Re: Mothers who regret having children

I don't regret having children...I love my DS very much. But I regret the timing of my first. I wish I had waited. I married my ExH very young (we were turning 22) and I had DS a month after I turned 24. And then I divorced my Ex less 4 months after that. Our original "plan" was to wait until we had been married for 3 years before trying for kids. I regret not following that plan. Had we done that, I wouldn't have ended up a single mother with a newborn and I could have experienced my 20's the way I should have - with friends, enjoying myself, having the freedoms I really craved. Instead I was a single mom whose friends were all out having a great time every weekend and I was home crying in a rocking chair as my newborn suffered from colic and milk allergies and I had not one person to relate to or talk to.

This time around, at 31, I feel much more "ready". I feel like the timing and circumstances are right. While I still miss the freedoms and care free lifestyle of not having kids at all, I'm at the point in my life where I dont need that and I'd much rather spend the time growing our little family.

Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted kids, and dh and I hope to have a large family-number 2 is due in just over 3 weeks

that being said, when we started trying we had come to peace with the idea that if we couldn't have children, we would not pursue fertility treatments and we would have enjoyed our lives together.

Mothers who regret having children

I answered other, because I always wanted kids and I don't regret having "her". It's just that being a parent is so much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. I am fearful a lot of the time that I will do/say something unintentionally that will screw her up when she gets older, etc.
It's a lot of pressure.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted children and am so happy I had my son but I wanted to comment on how much I loathe the double standard discussed in the article.

My own DH was a single father for a short time before I came along and it used to irk me in a small way when people would congratulate him for doing what millions of women do everyday with no fanfare.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Mothers who regret having children

I was always on the fence and my DH was the one who wanted kids so much more than I did. I would have been fine without having a child.

But after having our DD, I can't imagine my life without her in it. Obviously know that I know what it's like, I feel that way. However, if we had decided to not have kids, I think I would have been okay because I would never have known what I was missing out on. (Does that make sense? )

Mothers who regret having children

I always wanted kids

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Message edited 9/30/2016 12:01:21 PM.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I've always wanted children.

We had to have the convo of if this doesn't work is that ok

And would we have been ok. Probably. But i would have always felt like a piece of me is missing

Re: Mothers who regret having children

Posted by ElizaRags35

Posted by StaceyWill

I answered other, because I always wanted kids and I don't regret having "her". It's just that being a parent is so much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. I am fearful a lot of the time that I will do/say something unintentionally that will screw her up when she gets older, etc.
It's a lot of pressure.

A lot of this.

We ttc'ed for 2.5 years before conceiving DD1. I wanted 2 but after DD1 was born, I would have been ok with 1. Life was different but manageable. Then we were surprised with DD2 and life changed and got very hard. And then it got 10000x harder when she got sick and now that she has major delays. I find myself longing for the freedom and ease we had with 1 kid and wonder what life would be like if we didn't have that oops that conceived DD2. I love DD2 obviously, more than anything. But god this is hard. And I hate that I feel or think that way sometimes.

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I have always wanted kids.

Yes, there are times I miss my old life, but then I realize that this time of them being young and dependent on me will pass too (and it will pass faster than I can imagine) and they won't need me as much. That part breaks my heart completely.

I can go back to whatever it is that I miss from my child free days then. I KNOW I will miss them being this young when they get older, so it is all even for me.

Message edited 9/30/2016 12:18:01 PM.

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I read that article earlier. I said other for a few reasons. I certainly don't regret having my daughter. I fought for over 4 years to have her and love her more than I ever knew you could love someone.
I could never image a life without kids. However, I was not prepared for having only 1. It's not how I wanted it to be, it's not how I envisioned it to be and it's just weird to me. I feel unfulfilled as a parent, as a woman and mostly feel like a failure to her. So I regret having an only child and if I knew that was going to be the outcome may have thought differently about how I pursued motherhood.

Re: Mothers who regret having children

I've wanted children my entire life so I definitely don't regret having my kids. Of course there are days you feel like pulling your hair out and running away, lol, but ultimately I really couldn't imagine a life for myself that didn't include kids. Plus, I think there is something really awesome about DH and I having made these little humans and it's been a pretty cool 8 years so far despite the craziness!

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DH and I are childfree, so I chose the option with "dont want/cant have kids"- never felt any maternal desire for them and at my age (40s), I dont think Id have the energy. Opted to get a full hysterectomy (family history of gyno cancers and I was diagx w precancer) so I dont want to mess w hormones and if I ever change my mind, I would only adopt or do foster care (doubtful).

Mothers who regret having children

I chose would have been fine with or without. DH and I did not plan to have children and after 14 years together we had an oops moment. I was so upset when I found out but now we are both super excited.

Mothers who regret having children

I wanted a child my entire life and went through hell to get DD. I love her with all my heart but I will admit is is alot different than I expected, especially because she is special needs. I miss my friends, I miss my job, I miss going out and having fun without worrying about preparing days in advance. I miss the things I thought I would be doing as a mom but can't. But that being said, I can not imagine my life without her and she has made me a much better person.