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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by MC09
Did the one girl really ask about guests covering their plate?  has she never been to a shower?
I swear that was her exact question.
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Posted 6/24/16 6:26 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
This is my take on it. You can do what you can afford.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
i have thrown a bridal shower and baby shower for my BF because her mom is a cow. For the bridal shower the bm's helped a little. But they did not have the same kind of finances I do. So I KNEW it would fall to me.
I think this is very simple. Throw the shower you can afford.
I did NOT have liquor at either event. I could not afford it. Even if it would "not fly" with the crowd, too bad. (No disrespect all all meant by that). If they wanted a glass of wine there was a cash bar.
I went to NYC and got a few dozen roses that morning so I had flowers (they are super cheep from the bodegas). I ordered mason jars from Amazon in a color that wS her wedding colors. I put the flowers in those and let people fight about who took the center pieces home.
I had no favors for the bridal shower. I made up all the games and bought 2 $5 Starbucks gift cards as prize. The flowers were the decor.
Ok, so they dropped the ball. It sucks. Do what you can.
Because in the end? She will be THRILLED you threw her a shower and be grateful for it. She is not going to look back and say "damn, I wish there were more decorations".
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| Posted 6/25/16 5:08 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
As a ps.
My advice is see how much you would need from each girl. Is it '100? $50?
If they can't afford the "full" amount you are asking then asked them to give you what they can. At ,east it's something And if there is extra (meaning they do give you money) then you can add back in the decorations, or wine etc.
Be clear with them. If they balk, they balk. Then you be kind and move on. Don't fight with them. They either step up or they don't. If they don't then you accept it and move on
It's not Bout giving up. It's about letting it go and giving the bride a great day.
And all this shit is not worth the aggravation. Spend what you can afford. The bride will be grateful.
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| Posted 6/25/16 5:13 PM |
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kn2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 537 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by MC09
Did the one girl really ask about guests covering their plate? has she never been to a shower?
I swear that was her exact question.
\
You mean you never heard of a cover charge for a shower?? lol
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| Posted 6/26/16 7:57 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
So now I told the girls that I would just rather not have alcohol at the shower and they are balking at that. Is it just me or does 300 bucks total for 24 people for a 3 to 4 hr event not seem like enough? I straight out told them that I will not be providing anymore cash at this point. I told them that the money would better be spent on the bachelorette party or just not spending it.
Message edited 6/28/2016 12:43:57 PM.
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| Posted 6/28/16 12:41 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by RainyDay
So now I told the girls that I would just rather not have alcohol at the shower and they are balking at that. Is it just me or does 300 bucks total for 24 people for a 3 to 4 hr event not seem like enough? I straight out told them that I will not be providing anymore cash at this point.
You tell them if they want alcohol, they have to pay for it. Plain and simple. They don't get to make all these demands without paying. And demand the cash up front. Paypal, venmo, whatever. Get it in your hand before the shower or no alcohol.
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| Posted 6/28/16 12:43 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by RainyDay
So now I told the girls that I would just rather not have alcohol at the shower and they are balking at that. Is it just me or does 300 bucks total for 24 people for a 3 to 4 hr event not seem like enough? I straight out told them that I will not be providing anymore cash at this point.
You tell them if they want alcohol, they have to pay for it. Plain and simple. They don't get to make all these demands without paying. And demand the cash up front. Paypal, venmo, whatever. Get it in your hand before the shower or no alcohol.
Trust me I am not paying for alcohol at this point. It was so important for us to have the shower sat morning at the additional expense that I'm paying for so now something needs to be cut to accommodate their wishes. I am not paying more for alcohol. Their big concern is that guests will have to walk to the front of the restaurant to purchase their drinks
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| Posted 6/28/16 12:50 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by RainyDay
So now I told the girls that I would just rather not have alcohol at the shower and they are balking at that. Is it just me or does 300 bucks total for 24 people for a 3 to 4 hr event not seem like enough? I straight out told them that I will not be providing anymore cash at this point.
You tell them if they want alcohol, they have to pay for it. Plain and simple. They don't get to make all these demands without paying. And demand the cash up front. Paypal, venmo, whatever. Get it in your hand before the shower or no alcohol.
Trust me I am not paying for alcohol at this point. It was so important for us to have the shower sat morning at the additional expense that I'm paying for so now something needs to be cut to accommodate their wishes. I am not paying more for alcohol. Their big concern is that guests will have to walk to the front of the restaurant to purchase their drinks
They'll live!!  I don't miss this stage you're in.
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| Posted 6/28/16 12:54 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by gina409
Just wanted to say you are a great sister!
Agree!
I think you did everything right, sometimes people just don't think about totals until it's staring them in the face and reality hits.
Good luck!
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| Posted 6/28/16 12:59 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by kn2011
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by MC09
Did the one girl really ask about guests covering their plate? has she never been to a shower?
I swear that was her exact question.
\
You mean you never heard of a cover charge for a shower?? lol
Well thanks to LIF I've heard of a cover charge for weddings, but never a shower lol 
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| Posted 6/28/16 1:46 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by RainyDay
So now I told the girls that I would just rather not have alcohol at the shower and they are balking at that. Is it just me or does 300 bucks total for 24 people for a 3 to 4 hr event not seem like enough? I straight out told them that I will not be providing anymore cash at this point.
You tell them if they want alcohol, they have to pay for it. Plain and simple. They don't get to make all these demands without paying. And demand the cash up front. Paypal, venmo, whatever. Get it in your hand before the shower or no alcohol.
Absolutely agree. I gotta say these girls sound like a bunch of useless azzholes, sorry you gotta deal with this shit.
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| Posted 6/28/16 1:48 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by RainyDay
Their big concern is that guests will have to walk to the front of the restaurant to purchase their drinks
Oh the horror!
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| Posted 6/28/16 5:59 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1217 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
I think the only thing you can do is ask that the BMs pay what they can towards the event. I once had to dish out $$$ for a bridal shower that was held in a swanky NYC restaurant, but the MOH just asked that we give what we thought was appropriate. If it was split evenly, it would've been more than $500, which I though was WAY too much to expect for a BM. I gave $150 and a gift and there was no way I would've given more. I would never have asked my BMs in my own wedding to cover my shower. Being a BM should be an honor, not a burden. Honestly, you should have done the shower you could've afforded despite their requests. Lesson learned.
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| Posted 6/28/16 6:16 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by Christine2
I think the only thing you can do is ask that the BMs pay what they can towards the event. I once had to dish out $$$ for a bridal shower that was held in a swanky NYC restaurant, but the MOH just asked that we give what we thought was appropriate. If it was split evenly, it would've been more than $500, which I though was WAY too much to expect for a BM. I gave $150 and a gift and there was no way I would've given more. I would never have asked my BMs in my own wedding to cover my shower. Being a BM should be an honor, not a burden. Honestly, you should have done the shower you could've afforded despite their requests. Lesson learned.
And that is still what I am doing. I am still paying for it by myself but now because I am accommodating their request by changing dates and paying more I am not paying for alcohol. I'm 5 months pregnant and I'm not going to drink anyways. I'm not asking them for money anymore. If they feel the need to have alcohol they can walk up to the bar or agree to split the bill for an open bar.
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| Posted 6/28/16 7:59 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3999 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids? Sorry long vent
Posted by MC09
Posted by kn2011
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by MC09
Did the one girl really ask about guests covering their plate? has she never been to a shower?
I swear that was her exact question.
\
You mean you never heard of a cover charge for a shower?? lol
Well thanks to LIF I've heard of a cover charge for weddings, but never a shower lol
Well I am glad you learned a very valuable lesson today
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| Posted 6/28/16 8:01 PM |
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