DH Job Stress

My DH started a new job in October after being out of work for about 6 months. The job started out well but is now a nightmare. The company pays well but its a group of yellers & screamers. It is very stressful and not at all like it was described in the interview.

I feel terrible for him. He has never been so stressed out and says this is the worst place he has ever worked. He is educated and working on finishing up his MBA.

We are doing ok financially, but I'm scared. I know he wants to quit and look for something else. I keep telling him to hold on but I'm so nervous that this place is going to give him health issues.

Has anyone ever quit a job because its just not what it's cracked up to be and didn't have another lined up? I work and make good money so it's not like we wouldn't have anything.

This whole situation is stressing me out so much

Message edited 11/19/2015 12:00:16 PM.

DH Job Stress

I would not quit unless I had something else line up.

Start interviewing. Sending out resume. Networking. Applying for jobs. Now is not the time to leave a paycheck.

DH Job Stress

I've done it before. Had a nervous breakdown and wound up in therapy for two years. It worked out well for me in the end. I'm in a job right now that I don't like but I'm holding out. It's definitely not the situation your husband is going through.

I agree with the above poster though. Have him start looking and have him hold on as long as he can.Have him start networking and sending out resumes. Best of luck to him!

Re: DH Job Stress

He should start looking for a new job. It usually is easier to find another job when you are already employed. Nobody deserves that treatment and anxiety.
Good Luck

Re: DH Job Stress

DH Job Stress

I know people say to not quit until you have something lined up - and I agree generally.

But I worked for a legit madman on Long Island - a firm. It was my first job, this was years and years ago... And it was the worst job ever. Being screamed and cursed at - he did it to everyone. I laugh because those psychos are still constantly trying to hire people - I see them advertising all the time. It's a revolving door there and no one lasts. He would scream at everyone through the intercom and walk around with a gun on his belt .. The field didn't really warrant needing a gun on your person .. I think it was a psychological tactic. It was sick. I get in knots thinking about it.

Anyway, I quit. I walked out one day and never went back. And I don't regret it now and I didn't then. I saw many leave and walk out and eventually I was one.

If a place is that hostile and you can swing it, quit. It's not good mentally and eventually you will be so beat up you won't even have confidence to land another job.

Now if it's just people who yell but otherwise get along (like some career environments are stressful - think emergencies rooms, live tv, police, military, Wall Street) and you may all yell but it's not a personal thing, it's a work thing - then maybe I would stick it out. I guess it depends on how severe it is.

No one should accept blatant abuse though.

Message edited 11/19/2015 12:35:35 PM.

Re: DH Job Stress

This recently happened to my DH in April. I ultimately told him that his health and well being was worth more than the money he made, so he made the decision to quit. He was lucky enough to find his current position about a month later and has never been happier. The stress and pain from work was starting to affect our relationship, so it was a sigh of relief for both of us once he resigned.

Message edited 11/19/2015 12:44:40 PM.

Re: DH Job Stress

years ago after we were first married, DH worked for TRU. He hated working there but stuck it out b/c we were paying for a wedding.

it got so bad the following year my DH was throwing up before work some mornings.

I told him he needed to quit b/c it wasnt worth it. He did, and had lined up a job in another retail position, but it didnt work out. He spent a very long 10 months looking for something else, and it was a very hard year but ultimately got out of retail and has been happy since.

to me, the health, stress, and anxiety over it isnt worth it. if you are working and could survive for a while and benefits arent an issue, i'd have him leave.

Re: DH Job Stress

ugh, that sucks. I feel DH's pain.
Right after I got married, I began a new job & it sucked. Employees were young overall with a lot of responsibilities & big titles & the environment was hostile & abusive. They made it sound amazing during my interview. I wanted to walk out on my first day. I couldn't sleep most nights & when I could I would dream about work issues. After about 8 months, DH told me to give my notice since I was completely stressed. I found a much nicer office & environment to work in about a month later.

DH Job Stress

DH and I keep a reserve of 6 months just in case one of us gets laid off without severance or needs to leave a job for this type of reason. I hope we'll never need to use it but it's there just in case. Could you get by for a bit if he's out of work?

I started a job last year and quit within a week because I knew immediately I hated it but I knew other things were in the pipeline. I ended up only being out of work for 3 weeks so it didn't set me back at all. I knew I was going to be miserable and didn't even want it on my resume. For me, I have to be happy with what I'm doing to stay.

Re: DH Job Stress

I had a job once that was high stress, I worked long hours and my boss was a gigantic B*tch....it became too much for me after a while. I did find another job before I left, I just wanted out of there. Now i'm in a different industry and my pay is practically what I made at the stressful job starting out, but I also have minimal stress and I work an 8 hour day vs. getting home at 1230am. I think your DH should def start sending resumes out to try and find something else. I don't know that I would quit outright if I had bills to pay, etc.

Re: DH Job Stress

DH Job Stress

^^ I will FM you the name !

Re: DH Job Stress

DH actually JUST had this situation happen in October. He left a job after 9+ years and ended up at a new job that was COMPLETELY different than what they had said it in the interview. It was spinned as a customer support position but ended up being making 100+ cold-calls a day for sales. Their practices were on the slightly illegal side and it sounded like stuff from the movie "wolf on wall street". He was so upset, literally nauseous everyday before he went to work. At the same time, we are going through our own issues so it didn't help one bit. He kept asking my opinion and I've always heard to never quit without a back-up but said maybe if he looked already and had something lined up, it would be easier to quit. He ended up quitting once he had interviews lined up that he knew he wouldn't be able to attend if he continued working there. He quit Friday, had two interviews lined up for Monday, one for Tuesday, and ended up getting offered a job on Thursday. In our situation, it worked out, thank God.

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress

I am in a similar situation to your DH, almost exactly! I won't leave unless I have something else lined up, but that's just me...I'm very hard on myself and I would have a hard time walking away without a back up plan.

My DH has been in a similar situation and quit. I wanted to kill him at the time but deep down I understood.

I wish him the best!

Re: DH Job Stress

I'd have him start applying like mad now to new jobs. Try to get a few things going before the end of the year. And if he can, have him try to stick it out until next year. Make 1/1/16 the goal. If he can make it to then, reevaluate and see if it's worth him pushing on or just leaving.

There's always another job out there, so if he's really that miserable - and finances aren't an issue - I wouldn't make him stick it out too long. Plus, being out of work makes interviewing a lot easier!

Re: DH Job Stress

I was in a similar position once and my dad gave me great advice. Don't quit. Show up, do your job, do not take abuse, ans let them fire you if they don't like it. Then you can collect unemployment. Mentally divorce your self worth from how your supervisor treats you. I showed up every day, cordial but not ass-kissy, sent out a ton of resumes, and eventually got a new, much better job where I was adored. But I always thank my dad for that advice. This way there was no uncomfortable gap on my resume to explain to future employers. I continued to get a paycheck, and hey if they fired me, all the better. I could collect unemployment.

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress

Yes, this happened to us last summer. There was so much going on but the last straw when DH's boss (he was an assistant mgr at a store) his boss got into a screaming match with a customer over a return and they were almost fist fighting and the cops had to be called. I told him just quit it isn't worth it. He found another job about 6 weeks later. Sometimes when it's that stressful it's just not worth it...

Re: DH Job Stress

Re: DH Job Stress