What would you do?

The weekend before last I found out that my neighbor was in the hospital because her cancer came back. Her DH told my DH when they saw eachother outside. He said she was due to be home soon. i made a chemo basket that has been sitting on my recliner since Saturday because I was having company Sunday and then recovering Monday (37w preggo). Tues we were out after work so DH and I decided we would bring it over Wednesday evening.
Wednesday afternoon I get a text from my other neighbor that she heard neighbor A had passed Tuesday night. She heard from her other neighbor but is not sure how she knew.
So now aside from feeling horrible guilt for putting off bringing the basket over - I'm not sure what to do because as of right now it's just hearsay. There's not an obit in the local paper and I've searched online and nothing comes up.
There have not been any visitors the past two days that I see when I'm home. Their son lives out of state, there's not car for him but he could have flown or took the train in.
If I go there with the bag and she did pass, I would feel even worse.
If I go there saying 'I'm sorry for your loss" and she didn't pass, I would feel like a fool.

What do I do?

We don't know any other people on the block to ask.
I just searched at least 10 funeral homes in the area to see if there was an obit with no luck.

Re: What would you do?

First of all, don't beat yourself up. You had the basket for a totally reasonable amount of time - it's not like it sat around for months.

I would probably hold off on the basket and instead make a tray of food. The food would be appropriate whether or not what you heard is true. She won't feel like cooking but her family will still have to eat. If she passed, people will gather eventually.

If she did pass, maybe there is an organization you could donate the basket to, in her name.

What would you do?

First off don't feel guilty. You had the best intentions.

How did the other person heat she passed? I would maybe wait it out. I wouldn't want to bring the basket if she did pass.

I like the pps idea of donating the basket if she did pass.

What would you do?

Is there any way for you to contact the husband? I would think someone would have a definitive answer for you. I don't know how well you know your neighbors, but my parents' neighbors visit each other in the hospital, check in when someone is sick, etc. It would be more than expected for them to attend a wake or funeral.

Don't beat yourself up over waiting. Our landlord from our apartment passed a few months after we bought our house and moved to LI. We had seen her a few times since we moved but I kept saying I had to call her to have her come for dinner and time just got away from me. I still feel horribly guilty- that I didn't have her over, that maybe if we hadn't moved we could have helped her when she got sick. She was truly one of my favorite people and I think about her every day.

So, I know how you feel and hopefully she's ok and will be home shortly!

What would you do?

If I can muster the energy I was going to try to make a tray of ziti (or ask my Grandma to help) and someone suggested donating the chemo basket to a center in her name. I still need to figure out how to go over there and what exactly to say. When I found out yesterday I broke down thanks to hormones.

If you go down my block A, B, C, D
A = lady with cancer
B = me
C = neighbor that told me of passing
D = lady who told my neighbor of passing but no other details

I'm not even sure how well D knows A or how she found out.

What would you do?

=0(

Neighbor's husband just came to the door to confirm. DH spoke to him. No funeral, just a service in 2 weeks.