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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by JP826
Posted by FDNYWife31
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
I totally agree with this! This is how I was raised and how I intend to be with my nieces and nephews.
I agree as well. And I totally see your point and understand as well.
I think the reasoning behind your feelings is because you expect others to treat you as you would treat them, or would want to be treated yourself.
Yes and unfortunately you learn that not everyone does that :(
Story of my life, my dear.  
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Posted 8/31/15 2:50 PM  |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
My guess is she wants her schedule free to cater to her own kids and their friends. my feelings would be a tiny bit hurt even though I understand her position too. Your DH may need to take them out a bit each day or put them in camp. Seems unfair the cousins are busy all summer and they are not invited/ home bored
To add: I would not say anything to her. It's clear she doesn't want to do it for whatever her reasoning is.
Message edited 8/31/2015 4:04:08 PM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 3:45 PM |
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Mara1017
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/11 696 total posts
Name:
Mara
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Need Opinions
I am extremely close with my sister but at the same time I do not invite her over every time we have people over. There have been times that my sister have asked to do something and I have said that I couldn't and that I was having people over. Unless my sister also knew the people that were coming over I would not invite her just because she asked to do something with me.
I think that just because your child is older does not mean that she would not have to watch them in the pool. Pools are a huge LIABILITY and no matter how old someone is things happen. Have you told your sister you assumed that your child would be able to come to the pool at least once a week? If not I do not think you should assume that it is normal that someone would think that you expect that.
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| Posted 8/31/15 4:23 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Ok, so this has been going on for years. My kids are older and for the last few years don't do anything in the summer (for the most part) as they don't go to camp anymore. Both my dh and I work and while my dh is home in the afternoons, they usually don't do much due to him being tired from working and not having the money to run them around everyday.
We don't have a pool so if they are home, they are basically just watching TV, reading, on their phones, playing games. My sister has a pool and is off for the summer. This summer they were asked, once, yes once to come by and swim. I don't expect them to be invited everyday as she and her kids have other things they do in the summer but do you think it is unreasonable to think they could and should be invited at least once a week or every other week? Is it unreasonable to think they should be included when they have others over too swimming (kids) when they are about the same age?
We never had cousins that we spent time with and I see so many families that do so much together and I feel sad for my kids that their cousins are so close in distance and are treated like second class.
If I am wrong, then that is ok as I just need some opinions. Thanks :)
I didn't read all the responses but I think you are making a lot of assumptions about her. I only have one child and he can be a lot of work. I'd be overwhelmed caring for other kids too (family or not) and the pool makes me nuts.
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| Posted 8/31/15 4:30 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
It really depends on your relationship and the kid's relationships. Do the kids get along, enjoy spending time together? That said, even if you're super close, I think it's fine for them to have days where they invite their friends over and don't want to invite others.
We have a closely related family member with a pool who hasn't invited us over once all summer. The relationship isn't the greatest but it's ok so we're kinda  at it. It seems we're always the ones to do the inviting but that's another topic. 
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| Posted 8/31/15 4:33 PM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Need Opinions
I have a pool and I can assure you that if I knew my brother or sisters children were sitting in a house watching TV alon while my kids were in our pool playing with friends and having a blast you better believe I would be going to get those kids so they could have fun too! I believe their kids are just like my own and I would want them to feel the same way.
I feel bad for the kids and it sucks that their Aunt leaves them out. Sorry...
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| Posted 8/31/15 4:48 PM |
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Poppyseed79
LIF Adult
Member since 10/14 935 total posts
Name:
"Reg"
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by JP826
Posted by FDNYWife31
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
I totally agree with this! This is how I was raised and how I intend to be with my nieces and nephews.
I agree as well. And I totally see your point and understand as well.
I think the reasoning behind your feelings is because you expect others to treat you as you would treat them, or would want to be treated yourself.
Yes and unfortunately you learn that not everyone does that :(
Sadly.
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| Posted 8/31/15 5:14 PM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by MrsS6510
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions.
I actually just found out that my dd was told no she couldn't even stop by this weekend as they had friends over. I can see if it was an adult party but during the day, I find it highly unlikely that their own kids were not there and other kids invited to go swimming.
My dd is not upset as nothing really bothers her but I am. How do you tell her no when you talk to her almost everyday, even today she is back and forth texting her.
This is so strange, and really hurtful since it sounds like your DD and sister are close.
I'd probably have to have a very honest convo with my sis about this.
Do you invite them over often or offer to take her kids out for a fun day every now and then? Maybe she feels like it's a one way street, so to speak? It just seems MEAN what she is doing to your DD....
See, and I don't find this strange or mean at all. Your sister and her kids are allowed to have their own friends over without inviting other family. There have been plenty of times that I've asked family what they were doing and they said "we're having company" and not been insulted that I wasn't invited. They're entitled to their own social life without always having family around.
ITA but what if my dd had just stopped by and knocked on the door? Would that have been nice to say we have friends over and you can't come in?
Maybe because I am a very open person and I have no problem with anyone coming over if I am having other people over too.
I just don't get what the problem would have been if she came in for a few minutes to say hi.
I'm sure if your DD had just gone over unexpected she wouldn't have been turned away. But coming in for a few minutes to say hi is very different than spending significant time and going swimming. I also never have a problem inviting people even if they don't know each other, but my DH hates that idea. He doesn't like people to feel uncomfortable so he's not a fan of "mixing crowds." When we have family over, we have family. When we have friends, we have friends. When we have co-workers, it's just co-workers. Very rarely do we mix those crowds - just for big special occasions (i.e. wedding, DD's first birthday, etc).
Showing up to someone's house unexpected is a whole other issue. I've never been a fan of showing up places without notice, no matter how close I am to the person. I don't care if you're my best friend, sister, in-laws, or my parents. At least give me a phone call before you come. I do the same whenever I'm planning to go to someone's house. You never know what you could be interrupting!
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| Posted 8/31/15 5:14 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by LSP2005
I would ask your sister and not make the kids ask. But reading your replies, when your daughter asked her cousin and was told not to come is telling to me. I know we spoke before about this issue, but I really feel like it is your responsibility to make sure your kids have something to do for the summer, even if they are older, and even if you work. Expecting your sister to take them weekly and use her pool is a lot. Do you offer to host her kids? Set up a family game day? By saying oh they can go and don't need supervision is dangerous. Everyone in a pool needs someone else there when they are still kids. Horsing around happens and someone can get hurt. Do he kids attend the same school? Would you be leaving the kids there the entire day? I am sorry that you are upset, but I do think weekly pool invites are a lot to expect when you would want them there for hours at a time.
Yes we have done things with her kids without her.
I wouldn't be dropping them off for an entire day and not every week. I am just saying if you ARE available and just sitting by the pool, I don't see the harm. Especially if you have no problem asking your friends kids to do the same.
Not the same school but close in age.
See IMO if they have other people over they arent available. I am close with my sister and her son is the exact same age as mine but there is no need to include him in all we do. I will make plans with my sister but generally if it's friends then no she is not invited.
I would not be offended if she did the same to be and she actually does.
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| Posted 8/31/15 5:39 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Coming back on now since I have more time to respond:
I grew up with a pool and a lot of people can be pretty ballsy expecting to be invited over.
It's not others free entertainment, family or not.
I also think if you are that concerned that your kids are sitting home with nothing to do, speak to them about it and as their parent, engage them in things then....don't leave it up to your family.
I also still think you do the comparison game a lot on here about whose life is easier and such, and that's not fair at all.
Everyone has stuff they deal with and just because someone may have more money, doesn't work, whatever...that should not be part of the equation.
You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
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| Posted 8/31/15 5:57 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Bebelove
My guess is she wants her schedule free to cater to her own kids and their friends. my feelings would be a tiny bit hurt even though I understand her position too. Your DH may need to take them out a bit each day or put them in camp. Seems unfair the cousins are busy all summer and they are not invited/ home bored
To add: I would not say anything to her. It's clear she doesn't want to do it for whatever her reasoning is.
My kids are too big for camp now. They can and do stay home alone.
I did say something and basically got a cop out answer, as usual.
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| Posted 8/31/15 7:29 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Coming back on now since I have more time to respond:
I grew up with a pool and a lot of people can be pretty ballsy expecting to be invited over.
It's not others free entertainment, family or not.
I also think if you are that concerned that your kids are sitting home with nothing to do, speak to them about it and as their parent, engage them in things then....don't leave it up to your family.
I also still think you do the comparison game a lot on here about whose life is easier and such, and that's not fair at all.
Everyone has stuff they deal with and just because someone may have more money, doesn't work, whatever...that should not be part of the equation.
You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Thanks. I know a lot because like I have said before my dd and sister text almost everyday.
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| Posted 8/31/15 7:36 PM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Thanks everyone for your opinions. I did actually try and speak to her and she gave me a cop out answer. Oh well. I guess I have to deal with the fact that she feels she needs to have separate parties for friends and family. I am not like that and include everyone in my parties and get togethers.
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| Posted 8/31/15 7:39 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
I am only responding to the original post. I k wo there has been more about end of year party etc
I think the problem lies with you and some of the posters saying "I see your point".
What about your sisters side? Fact is she should not have to cater to you and your kids. It would be nice. It would be great. But she is not obligTed to invite your kids over.
(I mean this with respect OP).
Unfortunately you have to work. It's your responsibility to entertain your kids. Not hers. And I k ow you said they Re old enough an do t have to be watched. Does not matter what you say and feel. I would feel uncomfortable letting people use my pool and not be home or "watch". It's not fair to ask her to "watch" your kids.
It's not.
So I do feel you are being unreasonable for thinking your sister "should".
Very respectfully submitted.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:21 PM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
Well, if it was my sister I would just invite myself over lol. IT doesn't sound like you two have the type of relationship...
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:32 PM |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Bebelove
My guess is she wants her schedule free to cater to her own kids and their friends. my feelings would be a tiny bit hurt even though I understand her position too. Your DH may need to take them out a bit each day or put them in camp. Seems unfair the cousins are busy all summer and they are not invited/ home bored
To add: I would not say anything to her. It's clear she doesn't want to do it for whatever her reasoning is.
My kids are too big for camp now. They can and do stay home alone.
I did say something and basically got a cop out answer, as usual.
The good thing is summer is almost over and they will be busy in school again. For next summer, what are their friends doing if they are too old for camp? Maybe you can make plans for them during the week to keep them busy.
Obv your sister is not going to help you out
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| Posted 8/31/15 11:03 PM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions. I did actually try and speak to her and she gave me a cop out answer. Oh well. I guess I have to deal with the fact that she feels she needs to have separate parties for friends and family. I am not like that and include everyone in my parties and get togethers.
Just because she is not like you, doesn't mean she is wrong either.
And I disagree that just because she and your daughter text, that you know everything.
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| Posted 9/1/15 5:27 AM |
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Blubtrflygrl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/15 609 total posts
Name:
allison
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Paramount
I am only responding to the original post. I k wo there has been more about end of year party etc
I think the problem lies with you and some of the posters saying "I see your point".
What about your sisters side? Fact is she should not have to cater to you and your kids. It would be nice. It would be great. But she is not obligTed to invite your kids over.
(I mean this with respect OP).
Unfortunately you have to work. It's your responsibility to entertain your kids. Not hers. And I k ow you said they Re old enough an do t have to be watched. Does not matter what you say and feel. I would feel uncomfortable letting people use my pool and not be home or "watch". It's not fair to ask her to "watch" your kids.
It's not.
So I do feel you are being unreasonable for thinking your sister "should".
Very respectfully submitted.
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| Posted 9/1/15 5:28 AM |
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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
This. Why should your sister be responsible for providing entertainment? If you don't want your kids sitting around all day and they are too old to attend camp, what about working at camp or some other job to get them out of the house?
She's also totally allowed to have people over separate from you. I love my sister, and we are incredibly close, and I adore my nephews as if they were my own, but I don't need to invite them over any time someone else comes over, and I don't get insulted if I am not tacked on to all of her plans.
edited to fix a type. darn autocorrect!
Message edited 9/1/2015 9:18:34 AM.
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| Posted 9/1/15 7:49 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Paramount
I am only responding to the original post. I k wo there has been more about end of year party etc
I think the problem lies with you and some of the posters saying "I see your point".
What about your sisters side? Fact is she should not have to cater to you and your kids. It would be nice. It would be great. But she is not obligTed to invite your kids over.
(I mean this with respect OP).
Unfortunately you have to work. It's your responsibility to entertain your kids. Not hers. And I k ow you said they Re old enough an do t have to be watched. Does not matter what you say and feel. I would feel uncomfortable letting people use my pool and not be home or "watch". It's not fair to ask her to "watch" your kids.
It's not.
So I do feel you are being unreasonable for thinking your sister "should".
Very respectfully submitted.
No disrespect taken. I wanted both sides. 
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:02 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by StarsStripes
Well, if it was my sister I would just invite myself over lol. IT doesn't sound like you two have the type of relationship...
and she could do that at my house too as well as anyone else so not sure if it our relationship or just her.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:03 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Bebelove
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by Bebelove
My guess is she wants her schedule free to cater to her own kids and their friends. my feelings would be a tiny bit hurt even though I understand her position too. Your DH may need to take them out a bit each day or put them in camp. Seems unfair the cousins are busy all summer and they are not invited/ home bored
To add: I would not say anything to her. It's clear she doesn't want to do it for whatever her reasoning is.
My kids are too big for camp now. They can and do stay home alone.
I did say something and basically got a cop out answer, as usual.
The good thing is summer is almost over and they will be busy in school again. For next summer, what are their friends doing if they are too old for camp? Maybe you can make plans for them during the week to keep them busy.
Obv your sister is not going to help you out
I am not thinking about next summer yet lol. One will be going to college so need to get through this year first lol.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:04 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by Blubtrflygrl
Posted by afternoondelight828
Thanks everyone for your opinions. I did actually try and speak to her and she gave me a cop out answer. Oh well. I guess I have to deal with the fact that she feels she needs to have separate parties for friends and family. I am not like that and include everyone in my parties and get togethers.
Just because she is not like you, doesn't mean she is wrong either.
And I disagree that just because she and your daughter text, that you know everything.
No, you are right. Some people are not as open as others. I have no problem combining friends and family. She seems to.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:05 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
I think it really is the person she is as I have friends who have offered their pool for us to use with or without them there and have been to their houses more than my own family.
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:14 AM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Family should come first before friends and I find it sad when they don't but I guess some people are just that way.
I don't agree with this at all. So you are saying she should cancel on her friends for your kids? That's not right.
Reading all of these posts it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your sister. Some people just don't. It seems like you want to and she doesn't.
I would tell her exactly what you are saying here. See what how she feels and then move on.
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| Posted 9/1/15 8:41 AM |
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