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Need Opinions
Ok, so this has been going on for years. My kids are older and for the last few years don't do anything in the summer (for the most part) as they don't go to camp anymore. Both my dh and I work and while my dh is home in the afternoons, they usually don't do much due to him being tired from working and not having the money to run them around everyday.
We don't have a pool so if they are home, they are basically just watching TV, reading, on their phones, playing games. My sister has a pool and is off for the summer. This summer they were asked, once, yes once to come by and swim. I don't expect them to be invited everyday as she and her kids have other things they do in the summer but do you think it is unreasonable to think they could and should be invited at least once a week or every other week? Is it unreasonable to think they should be included when they have others over too swimming (kids) when they are about the same age?
We never had cousins that we spent time with and I see so many families that do so much together and I feel sad for my kids that their cousins are so close in distance and are treated like second class.
If I am wrong, then that is ok as I just need some opinions. Thanks :)
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Posted 8/31/15 8:14 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Need Opinions
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:34 AM |
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sourpatchkids
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/12 728 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:34 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
Thank you for your opinion. Can I ask you why though? I am not speaking of all of us, just the kids and if you have no problem inviting friends (not you but in general) what would be the problem having family?
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:36 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
Thank you for your opinion. Can I ask you why though? I am not speaking of all of us, just the kids and if you have no problem inviting friends (not you but in general) what would be the problem having family?
I am running all over during the week doing stuff with each dd, errands, dr appts. Once a week to feel obligated to host is a lot imo. They def should have been invited over more than once all summer tho
As for having other friends over, maybe they just want the time alone with them every so often. It's like when you go to dinner or drinks with friends, do you always invite all your other friends to join?
Message edited 8/31/2015 8:39:22 AM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:38 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:43 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
Ok, well that's not right. Have you spoken to your sister about this? Maybe she doesn't realize it upsets you.
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:44 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
Thank you for your opinion. Can I ask you why though? I am not speaking of all of us, just the kids and if you have no problem inviting friends (not you but in general) what would be the problem having family?
I am running all over during the week doing stuff with each dd, errands, dr appts. Once a week to feel obligated to host is a lot imo. They def should have been invited over more than once all summer tho
As for having other friends over, maybe they just want the time alone with them every so often. It's like when you go to dinner or drinks with friends, do you always invite all your other friends to join?
Thanks so much for answering, I get what you are saying.
If it was just adults, I would never feel this way. When it is kids, and my kids are never invited and other ones are all summer, that is when I get annoyed. And to tell my dd no when you talk to her all the time, I don't get it.
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:50 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
Ok, well that's not right. Have you spoken to your sister about this? Maybe she doesn't realize it upsets you.
I have before but think I need to again and just wanted to get more opinions to see if I am just not an insane crazy person lol. It is all about the kids though, not me as I don't need an invite.
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| Posted 8/31/15 8:52 AM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
I understand that they are your family, but if she wants to have an end of summer party for her kids that doesn't mean your children need to be invited.
It's her pool. She can invite whomever she wants to. I don't think it's fair for you to be upset that they are t invited weekly. My suggestion would be looking into community pools.
I have a pool. My SIL assumed she could come whenever she wanted....it was crazy. She thought once a week was not a big deal. I'm off during the summer, but I always have plans it became too much.
Is it possibly she might have a problem with people assuming they can drop their kids off to swim. It's a huge liability to have anyone swimming in your pool. Maybe it's because you or your husband wouldn't be there?
I also think it isn't fair to put the blame on your sister for your kids not having an active summer. There are plenty of free things your children/family can do.
Message edited 8/31/2015 9:03:39 AM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:01 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
This.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:03 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by quasi3
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
I understand that they are your family, but if she wants to have an end of summer party for her kids that doesn't mean your children need to be invited.
It's her pool. She can invite whomever she wants to. I don't think it's fair for you to be upset that they are t invited weekly. My suggestion would be looking into community pools.
I have a pool. My SIL assumed she could come whenever she wanted....it was crazy. She thought once a week was not a big deal. I'm off during the summer, but I always have plans it became too much.
InalsomhVe a problem with people assuming they can drop their kids off to swim. It's a huge liability to have anyone swimming in your pool. Maybe it's because you or your husband wouldn't be there?
Thanks. My kids are older so the liability wouldn't be an issue. She doesn't have to "watch" them and they actually would be helping to watch other kids. The community pool would be out as like I said, we both work.
My dh did call one day to ask if it was ok to stop by on a extremely hot day years ago and he was basically ignored by the friends that were there, making him feel like an idiot.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:04 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
I think it's unfair of you to expect that. I know I wouldn't like it if I were obligated to invite my family over once a week to go swimming. Jmo
This.
Thanks. Again, I will take all opinions as I am trying to figure out if it is just me. 
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:07 AM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by quasi3
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
I understand that they are your family, but if she wants to have an end of summer party for her kids that doesn't mean your children need to be invited.
It's her pool. She can invite whomever she wants to. I don't think it's fair for you to be upset that they are t invited weekly. My suggestion would be looking into community pools.
I have a pool. My SIL assumed she could come whenever she wanted....it was crazy. She thought once a week was not a big deal. I'm off during the summer, but I always have plans it became too much.
InalsomhVe a problem with people assuming they can drop their kids off to swim. It's a huge liability to have anyone swimming in your pool. Maybe it's because you or your husband wouldn't be there?
Thanks. My kids are older so the liability wouldn't be an issue. She doesn't have to "watch" them and they actually would be helping to watch other kids. The community pool would be out as like I said, we both work.
My dh did call one day to ask if it was ok to stop by on a extremely hot day years ago and he was basically ignored by the friends that were there, making him feel like an idiot.
Maybe they weren't invited to the end of summer party because of the age difference?
I have teenage nieces and nephews. I always have to supervise them while they are swimming. Accidents happen all the time.
I understand how you're feeling, but I don't think it's fair what you're expecting. It's her pool. Maybe call her and we if she can "watch" your children once per week so they don't feel so isolated?
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:10 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by quasi3
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by quasi3
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by sourpatchkids
I have a pool and I hope my sister knows that she is ALWAYS welcome in it with her kids. Yet it is not something I ask her...I just assume she knows. Would you be comfortable saying, "Hey, could we stop by for a little while tomorrow? The kids would love to go swimming with their cousins."
(I'm gonna text my sister later and invite her over...I would feel awful if she ever felt like she wasn't welcome here!)
Well my dd did this yesterday and she was basically told no as she was having an end of the summer party for her kids.
I understand that they are your family, but if she wants to have an end of summer party for her kids that doesn't mean your children need to be invited.
It's her pool. She can invite whomever she wants to. I don't think it's fair for you to be upset that they are t invited weekly. My suggestion would be looking into community pools.
I have a pool. My SIL assumed she could come whenever she wanted....it was crazy. She thought once a week was not a big deal. I'm off during the summer, but I always have plans it became too much.
InalsomhVe a problem with people assuming they can drop their kids off to swim. It's a huge liability to have anyone swimming in your pool. Maybe it's because you or your husband wouldn't be there?
Thanks. My kids are older so the liability wouldn't be an issue. She doesn't have to "watch" them and they actually would be helping to watch other kids. The community pool would be out as like I said, we both work.
My dh did call one day to ask if it was ok to stop by on a extremely hot day years ago and he was basically ignored by the friends that were there, making him feel like an idiot.
Maybe they weren't invited to the end of summer party because of the age difference?
I have teenage nieces and nephews. I always have to supervise them while they are swimming. Accidents happen all the time.
I understand how you're feeling, but I don't think it's fair what you're expecting. It's her pool. Maybe call her and we if she can "watch" your children once per week so they don't feel so isolated?
No, my youngest is the same age as her oldest. My oldest is older but still has a great time with the younger cousins.
My oldest babysits her kids so she doesn't have to watch them and my kids stay home alone. I just feel bad that they are left out all the time. It has nothing to do with me but the kids.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:14 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Need Opinions
Just because your kids are older does not mean that there is no liability issue - that is always an issue regardless of how old anyone in your pool is.
That being said, I feel bad for your kids not being included. I don't think there should be a once a week obligation type of thing, but I can't imagine why they couldn't come when there was a party for kids and there is no reason to not have invited them more than once over the summer. I can't imagine that they couldn't have fit in a least a few invites over the whole summer. Do your kids and your sister's kids get along?
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:16 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by chilltocam
Just because your kids are older does not mean that there is no liability issue - that is always an issue regardless of how old anyone in your pool is.
That being said, I feel bad for your kids not being included. I don't think there should be a once a week obligation type of thing, but I can't imagine why they couldn't come when there was a party for kids and there is no reason to not have invited them more than once over the summer. I can't imagine that they couldn't have fit in a least a few invites over the whole summer. Do your kids and your sister's kids get along?
Thanks. Yes they get along very well and I get the liability issue as it goes for no ages. I guess my point was that they are not small that they would have to be "babysat".
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:36 AM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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Need Opinions
While they probably should have been invited more than once, I think you're expecting a bit much.
How would your kids be getting to and from her house? Also, could she think that maybe they would rather be with friends? My parents left me home and worked during summer, but once I was old enough to stay home I arranged to spend time with friends most days. even if I had cousins who lived close, I probably would have preferred my friends.
Also, and I'm not saying you do, I feel that people assume if you're off for summer you're sitting around your house all day-my mother tends to think this, yet I'm in and out of my house multiple times every day.
And it's ok to have friends without inviting family to join.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:39 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Need Opinions
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:40 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by evrythng4areason
While they probably should have been invited more than once, I think you're expecting a bit much.
How would your kids be getting to and from her house? Also, could she think that maybe they would rather be with friends? My parents left me home and worked during summer, but once I was old enough to stay home I arranged to spend time with friends most days. even if I had cousins who lived close, I probably would have preferred my friends.
Also, and I'm not saying you do, I feel that people assume if you're off for summer you're sitting around your house all day-my mother tends to think this, yet I'm in and out of my house multiple times every day.
And it's ok to have friends without inviting family to join.
Thanks, I agree with everything and my dd speaks to her aunt all the time, so she knows what her schedule is.
Message edited 8/31/2015 9:46:14 AM.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:46 AM |
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
Thanks. I entertain all views as I can see both sides but I am the type of person who says the more the merrier and especially for family. Family you speak to on a regular basis too, not just someone you see at weddings and funerals. lol.
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:47 AM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by nferrandi
Clearly I'm in the minority, but I completely see your point. I don't see the big deal with your kids going to their aunts house whenever they feel like it. My niece knows she's welcome here at all times. And she's 17, my kids are 5 and 8, so there's a big age difference. Even when they were all younger I always took my niece with us to do fun stuff while my sister worked. I feel like with family that is what you do.
I practically live at my best friend's house in the summer and she's totally fine with it. Her pool is the neighborhood hangout. Sometimes we're even there when she's at work. I can't imagine my best friend, let alone my sister telling me my kids can't come over for a swim.
I totally agree with this! This is how I was raised and how I intend to be with my nieces and nephews.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:01 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Need Opinions
I absolutely see your point. TBH, once a week is a bit much, but I would be pretty hurt if my kids were only invited over once the whole summer...ESPECIALLY since you're close enough for your kids to babysit hers.
I feel closer to many of my friends than I do my sister (and my kids are closer with their friends than their cousins), but my nieces and nephews would still be welcome over anytime that i was going to be home if I had a pool.
I feel bad for your kids.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:02 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Need Opinions
I guess my question is more about YOUR relationship with your sister. For me and my brother, there's always an open door, and I think others on here that are the same way. However, if your relationship with your sister isn't that open, I can understand why she wouldn't include your kids all the time.
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:02 AM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Opinions
Posted by chilltocam
I feel bad for your kids not being included. I don't think there should be a once a week obligation type of thing, but I can't imagine why they couldn't come when there was a party for kids and there is no reason to not have invited them more than once over the summer. I can't imagine that they couldn't have fit in a least a few invites over the whole summer.
I completely agree
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| Posted 8/31/15 10:05 AM |
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