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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Sticky Situation
Thanks for the helpful advice!
Message edited 1/2/2015 10:54:02 AM.
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Posted 1/1/15 8:46 PM  |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Sticky Situation
I would put her in daycare. I would not be comfortable knowing my DD was being bullied. I would be concerned that there is not proper adult supervision.
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| Posted 1/1/15 8:54 PM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Message edited 1/2/2015 10:54:18 AM.
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| Posted 1/1/15 9:02 PM |
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SHOPAHOLIC
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1712 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by MrsG823
I would put her in daycare. I would not be comfortable knowing my DD was being bullied. I would be concerned that there is not proper adult supervision.
This. It's going to cause issues and you CAN bring it up to them, but either way I wouldn't leave my DD there anymore.
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| Posted 1/1/15 9:06 PM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by SHOPAHOLIC
Posted by MrsG823
I would put her in daycare. I would not be comfortable knowing my DD was being bullied. I would be concerned that there is not proper adult supervision.
This. It's going to cause issues and you CAN bring it up to them, but either way I wouldn't leave my DD there anymore.
Thank you both...I know deep down its what I need to do for her, even though I wanted to keep her with family a few days instead. I am thinking I will be totally honest about why she is going to the babysitter more days...why should I be the only one feeling uncomfortable?? My kid isn't doing anything wrong!
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| Posted 1/1/15 9:13 PM |
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SHOPAHOLIC
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1712 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Lauren82
Posted by SHOPAHOLIC
Posted by MrsG823
I would put her in daycare. I would not be comfortable knowing my DD was being bullied. I would be concerned that there is not proper adult supervision.
This. It's going to cause issues and you CAN bring it up to them, but either way I wouldn't leave my DD there anymore.
Thank you both...I know deep down its what I need to do for her, even though I wanted to keep her with family a few days instead. I am thinking I will be totally honest about why she is going to the babysitter more days...why should I be the only one feeling uncomfortable?? My kid isn't doing anything wrong!
Good luck to you 
Message edited 1/1/2015 10:44:15 PM.
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| Posted 1/1/15 10:00 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
I would put your child in daycare and not address it unless asked. If you speak up, I agree with your DH that there will be family issues.
I have a 2.5 year old DS. I don't feel that they are capable of maliciously bullying. It sounds like your nephew is under disciplined and under supervised. They are not training him to behave appropriately, and that is not the child's fault imo. It's the adults' faults. My DS would be knocking everything and everyone down at times too if I wasn't on top of him.
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| Posted 1/1/15 10:39 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
I'm a little torn on this because I have three boys and I do really feel like they are just different, to the point that a mother of only girls may not understand. As much as I want to and TRY to control my boys, sometimes I cant...that said, there is a fine line between "boys will be boys" and lazy parenting/excusing bad behavior. It's unfortunate that this situation isn't working out for you. Good luck if you decide to pursue other alternatives!
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| Posted 1/2/15 12:05 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Sticky Situation
I wouldn't "confront" your in-laws. I might just tell them that you are putting your DD in daycare and if they ask why, calmly tell them that, as you have stated before, you do not like the way your nephew interacts with your DD and leave it at that. I would not have any further discussion about it - just tell them what you are doing and why if they ask - end of story. It does not have to be a big confrontation. You have every right to do what is best for your DD without having to feel bad about your decision.
ETA: I know this might be easier said than done, but if you engage in a conversation with them about it, it most likley won't go very well. If you just state what you are going to do, no big discussion, it does not have to escalate into a big confrontation
Message edited 1/2/2015 9:47:38 AM.
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| Posted 1/2/15 9:45 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
I'd get her out of there. You know they're not doing enough to put a stop to it and it sounds like your poor DD is paying the price.
If they're like most people, if you confront them they'll get defensive, deny, make excuses, etc. Tell them what you're comfortable with but I would find alternate child care for DD. That doesn't sound like a pleasant environment. Maybe down the road if the child grows out of it you could try leaving DD there again but I wouldn't want her there for now.
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| Posted 1/2/15 9:50 AM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by chilltocam
I wouldn't "confront" your in-laws. I might just tell them that you are putting your DD in daycare and if they ask why, calmly tell them that, as you have stated before, you do not like the way your nephew interacts with your DD and leave it at that. I would not have any further discussion about it - just tell them what you are doing and why if they ask - end of story. It does not have to be a big confrontation. You have every right to do what is best for your DD without having to feel bad about your decision.
ETA: I know this might be easier said than done, but if you engage in a conversation with them about it, it most likley won't go very well. If you just state what you are going to do, no big discussion, it does not have to escalate into a big confrontation
This exactly.
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| Posted 1/2/15 9:59 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by chilltocam
I wouldn't "confront" your in-laws. I might just tell them that you are putting your DD in daycare and if they ask why, calmly tell them that, as you have stated before, you do not like the way your nephew interacts with your DD and leave it at that. I would not have any further discussion about it - just tell them what you are doing and why if they ask - end of story. It does not have to be a big confrontation. You have every right to do what is best for your DD without having to feel bad about your decision.
ETA: I know this might be easier said than done, but if you engage in a conversation with them about it, it most likley won't go very well. If you just state what you are going to do, no big discussion, it does not have to escalate into a big confrontation
this to a degree
I would say I'm putting DD in daycare so that she has more children to be with and since she's a captive to just her cousin being a bully she needs to learn other kids aren't as aggressive.
I'd be honest and say that at this age she is learning acceptable behavior. YOU don't find his behavior acceptable and it sets up a bad precedence for your daughter. The best option is to remove her from the situation.
Sure bullies are everywhere
Yes, family is family and we put up with them
But if you don't have you, then don't.
I say this as my own daughter got bullied by her older cousin. I told her its family you are sort of stuck with them, but you can avoid him. Sure enough he sought her out and she told him that he had to follow HER rules of behavior. Not in those words but she outlined what she wanted him to stop doing and how to act. My cousin (this is his son) said "He's a boy" which I *HATE* and added "I guess its time a woman teaches him huh?" grrr but we have so little family to hang out with. She has this 2nd cousin and another 2nd cousin in Houston. She really only has two cousins but they are out of state and one of those is way older (teen).
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:00 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by MrsG823
I would put her in daycare. I would not be comfortable knowing my DD was being bullied. I would be concerned that there is not proper adult supervision.
Agree. Start looking for daycare
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:09 AM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Sticky Situation
Ugh, that's tough. I know how you feel as I have been in similar situations. You will likely not gain anything but saying something. As much as it stinks I think a babysitter or daycare is probably the way to go or you could just wait until the child outgrows the behavior and hope for the best. If you were to broach the subject though I wouldn't necessarily call this bullying - I mean the kid is 2.5. Since you have all girls I will tell you that it can be fairly normal for boys to be like that at this age. My DS was not but, he has several friends and my nephews that were very much like this and believe me it would drive me crazy! If you feel like your MIL is not on top of the situation I do agree that it's not fair to your DD or you! I will say that many of the boys I know that were like this did outgrow it by around 4 so maybe it will get better but that is a long time away.
Message edited 1/2/2015 10:21:25 AM.
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:19 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
As a mama of a Girl and boy who are super close in age, there are real differences between them. My DS was called a "bully" by his 4 year old cousin when he was 1.5! He would push & snatch toys and hit. I'd be on top of him like nothing else, but young boys do that. My girl never, ever did. That being said, he stopped as he grew up a bit (fully better at 3)... But I kept him separated from his little sister & kept their things in different areas to decrease conflict. I've heard the same from tons of mamas in our family who have a boy/girl mix. The boys are always getting hurt too from leaping/jumping/running.
All this being said, standing on a table and breaking stuff should be corrected. Does sound like he's being spoiled. But is he hurting your child?
In making your decision, think about a daycare full of other little boys. Your kid will be pushed. Fights will happen. Lots of young kids bite. The people watching (maybe supervision will be more) will be less attached to your child (it's not family). DS is now in preschool and had been hit, pushed, in a bathroom water fight etc with a very mean kid. Teachers get them apart, but it happens.
Talking to family about discipline or anything is tough. Just got over a big fight over a discussion of child nutrition. A better approach may be to see if there is an instigating factor: toys they fight over? Sleepiness? And separate them when it comes apparent. Again, it's easiest to bring up if you can find proof that he hurt your child (bruise? Red mark?) and talk about what's being done to ensure your child's safety. Also, if you witness this, a REACT loudly to it. Verbalize what could happen to your DD: hurt her arm in a fall of a step?
Sorry you are in a bad situation, but before doing daycare, I'd try to work it out. You know your own situation the best... And will ultimately make the best choice for your DD... But take a breather & try to work it out!
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:27 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Message edited 1/3/2015 8:31:54 AM.
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:31 AM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population 
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:49 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
Too bad you weren't there last night...you can roll your eyes, but if your kids do what he does, then I will lump them into the same club! A child may try to do the thing I described, but a parent is supposed to intervene and correct the behavior. I admit it is bad parenting, not him being an inherently "bad" kid, but there comes a point when you avoid people who let their kids act that way.
Message edited 1/3/2015 9:12:23 AM.
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:52 AM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Just food for thought, but if you object to him screaming when he doesn't get what he wants, maybe they just gave up and let him play with the spoon or the decorations rather than correct him yet again and have him have another meltdown that clearly irritates everyone at the table. I've been there. Having three boys, I am so much less santimonious than I used to be.
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:58 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Hopefulmama
Just food for thought, but if you object to him screaming when he doesn't get what he wants, maybe they just gave up and let him play with the spoon or the decorations rather than correct him yet again and have him have another meltdown that clearly irritates everyone at the table. I've been there. Having three boys, I am so much less santimonious than I used to be.
Maybe I am a different kid of parent, but if my child is obviously disturbing others by screaming or banging cups with silverware, I would take them out of the restaurant, not let him keep doing it. My kids are well behaved most of the time, but it was a heck of a lot of hard work to get them there. And I would never let my child eat from a bowl of food meant for a group, that is just rude and disgusting. And maybe I am more frustrated because this is not the first, second, third time we have experienced this. This has just been the week with the straw that broke the camel's back.
ETA: This is really not here or there with what my original concern was...obviously my dd belongs in a safe, caring environment, which I'm thinking may not be with my MIL at this time, unfortunately. Thanks to the ladies who helped me to see that!
Message edited 1/2/2015 11:06:04 AM.
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| Posted 1/2/15 11:01 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
As a mom to two young DS's, I have to agree. The OP just sounds judgemental now. You are describing my DS pretty much to a T in a restaurant. I am very much on top of him. He's not rotten and I'm not a bad mom. He's just a very active, wonderful little two year old boy. A little empathy would be nice I think.
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| Posted 1/2/15 10:25 PM |
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MommyTeffi
Yummy!!!
Member since 2/06 1827 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
As a mom to two young DS's, I have to agree. The OP just sounds judgemental now. You are describing my DS pretty much to a T in a restaurant. I am very much on top of him. He's not rotten and I'm not a bad mom. He's just a very active, wonderful little two year old boy. A little empathy would be nice I think.
ITA!
You're willing to move your DC but not address the issue with your nephew? Don't you think that will cause some discord within the family? Removing your DC speaks volumes and but still won't fix the problem. Are you going to avoid every future family outing?
Did you say anything when the ruckus was going on in the restaurant? Or just sit there in quiet? Maybe someone needs to correct him if your MIL or SIL/BIL won't! Safety of your DC is of course the #1 priority. But do you honestly think placing them in daycare will change that? Aggressive children will be there too!
This is why I'm not a fan of grandma's watching their DG full-time. At some point, it always lead to some family discomfort. Maybe your MIL will be happy for the break? Which in turn might hurt your feelings.
As of a mom of 3 boys, you described my middle DS to a T at that age. Being in the mental health field, I was well aware where it was going. But some parents aren't! Since you're a teacher, you're aware of the signs/behavior! I'm assuming your MIL and SIL/BIL aren't and that's why they chalk it up to "boys being boys".
I'm glad that I have supportive siblings who would jump in help rather than judge. They would be happy to entertain my DS in the restaurant and take turns walking around with him. This is your nephew and I'm sad that as an aunt you don't have some connection and desire to help.
Message edited 1/3/2015 8:17:55 AM.
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| Posted 1/3/15 8:16 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by MommyTeffi
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
As a mom to two young DS's, I have to agree. The OP just sounds judgemental now. You are describing my DS pretty much to a T in a restaurant. I am very much on top of him. He's not rotten and I'm not a bad mom. He's just a very active, wonderful little two year old boy. A little empathy would be nice I think.
ITA!
You're willing to move your DC but not address the issue with your nephew? Don't you think that will cause some discord within the family? Removing your DC speaks volumes and but still won't fix the problem. Are you going to avoid every future family outing?
Did you say anything when the ruckus was going on in the restaurant? Or just sit there in quiet? Maybe someone needs to correct him if your MIL or SIL/BIL won't! Safety of your DC is of course the #1 priority. But do you honestly think placing them in daycare will change that? Aggressive children will be there too!
This is why I'm not a fan of grandma's watching their DG full-time. At some point, it always lead to some family discomfort. Maybe your MIL will be happy for the break? Which in turn might hurt your feelings.
As of a mom of 3 boys, you described my middle DS to a T at that age. Being in the mental health field, I was well aware where it was going. But some parents aren't! Since you're a teacher, you're aware of the signs/behavior! I'm assuming your MIL and SIL/BIL aren't and that's why they chalk it up to "boys being boys".
I'm glad that I have supportive siblings who would jump in help rather than judge. They would be happy to entertain my DS in the restaurant and take turns walking around with him. This is your nephew and I'm sad that as an aunt you don't have some connection and desire to help.
Honestly, your opinions of me are totally not my concern. i wrote a whole response then deleted it because I don't feel the need to justify myself, my thoughts, and my actions. We don't agree, clearly, which is fine and everyone has an option about how to deal with a child in their extended family and beyond that (friends, strangers). I've made suggestions, but not all people are the same and they aren't required to take what we say and use it. And my dd is in a small family daycare part time and I know that no child is allowed to hurt others intentionally without repercussions. Thanks for the suggestions.
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| Posted 1/3/15 8:29 AM |
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MommyTeffi
Yummy!!!
Member since 2/06 1827 total posts
Name:
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Lauren82
Posted by MommyTeffi
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
As a mom to two young DS's, I have to agree. The OP just sounds judgemental now. You are describing my DS pretty much to a T in a restaurant. I am very much on top of him. He's not rotten and I'm not a bad mom. He's just a very active, wonderful little two year old boy. A little empathy would be nice I think.
ITA!
You're willing to move your DC but not address the issue with your nephew? Don't you think that will cause some discord within the family? Removing your DC speaks volumes and but still won't fix the problem. Are you going to avoid every future family outing?
Did you say anything when the ruckus was going on in the restaurant? Or just sit there in quiet? Maybe someone needs to correct him if your MIL or SIL/BIL won't! Safety of your DC is of course the #1 priority. But do you honestly think placing them in daycare will change that? Aggressive children will be there too!
This is why I'm not a fan of grandma's watching their DG full-time. At some point, it always lead to some family discomfort. Maybe your MIL will be happy for the break? Which in turn might hurt your feelings.
As of a mom of 3 boys, you described my middle DS to a T at that age. Being in the mental health field, I was well aware where it was going. But some parents aren't! Since you're a teacher, you're aware of the signs/behavior! I'm assuming your MIL and SIL/BIL aren't and that's why they chalk it up to "boys being boys".
I'm glad that I have supportive siblings who would jump in help rather than judge. They would be happy to entertain my DS in the restaurant and take turns walking around with him. This is your nephew and I'm sad that as an aunt you don't have some connection and desire to help.
Honestly, your opinions of me are totally not my concern. i wrote a whole response then deleted it because I don't feel the need to justify myself, my thoughts, and my actions. We don't agree, clearly, which is fine and everyone has an option about how to deal with a child in their extended family and beyond that (friends, strangers). I've made suggestions, but not all people are the same and they aren't required to take what we say and use it. And my dd is in a small family daycare part time and I know that no child is allowed to hurt others intentionally without repercussions. Thanks for the suggestions.
Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. My opinion about you is formulated from that things your wrote (and deleted) about your 2.5 year old nephew. You can't post on a public forum and dictate the responses. I stand by my feelings that I would be sadden if my siblings felt that way about my DS. If you can take anything away from what I wrote, I hope it is that. Compassion goes along way! Best of luck!
Message edited 1/3/2015 8:46:27 AM.
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| Posted 1/3/15 8:46 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by MommyTeffi
Posted by Lauren82
Posted by MommyTeffi
Posted by Chai77
Posted by Hopefulmama
Ok, I will have to retract some of my earlier politeness. what you described above is typical toddler in a restaurant stuff..:Im glad for you that your girls are so perfect and it must be hard having them mix with the general population
As a mom to two young DS's, I have to agree. The OP just sounds judgemental now. You are describing my DS pretty much to a T in a restaurant. I am very much on top of him. He's not rotten and I'm not a bad mom. He's just a very active, wonderful little two year old boy. A little empathy would be nice I think.
ITA!
You're willing to move your DC but not address the issue with your nephew? Don't you think that will cause some discord within the family? Removing your DC speaks volumes and but still won't fix the problem. Are you going to avoid every future family outing?
Did you say anything when the ruckus was going on in the restaurant? Or just sit there in quiet? Maybe someone needs to correct him if your MIL or SIL/BIL won't! Safety of your DC is of course the #1 priority. But do you honestly think placing them in daycare will change that? Aggressive children will be there too!
This is why I'm not a fan of grandma's watching their DG full-time. At some point, it always lead to some family discomfort. Maybe your MIL will be happy for the break? Which in turn might hurt your feelings.
As of a mom of 3 boys, you described my middle DS to a T at that age. Being in the mental health field, I was well aware where it was going. But some parents aren't! Since you're a teacher, you're aware of the signs/behavior! I'm assuming your MIL and SIL/BIL aren't and that's why they chalk it up to "boys being boys".
I'm glad that I have supportive siblings who would jump in help rather than judge. They would be happy to entertain my DS in the restaurant and take turns walking around with him. This is your nephew and I'm sad that as an aunt you don't have some connection and desire to help.
Honestly, your opinions of me are totally not my concern. i wrote a whole response then deleted it because I don't feel the need to justify myself, my thoughts, and my actions. We don't agree, clearly, which is fine and everyone has an option about how to deal with a child in their extended family and beyond that (friends, strangers). I've made suggestions, but not all people are the same and they aren't required to take what we say and use it. And my dd is in a small family daycare part time and I know that no child is allowed to hurt others intentionally without repercussions. Thanks for the suggestions.
Sorry if you don't like what I have to say. My opinion about you is formulated from that things your wrote (and deleted) about your 2.5 year old nephew. You can't post on a public forum and dictate the responses. I stand by my feelings that I would be sadden if my siblings felt that way about my DS. If you can take anything away from what I wrote, I hope it is that. Compassion goes along way! Best of luck!
It's not that I don't like it, it's that it doesn't affect me. I choose to parent a certain way, and they choose to do it another. And I won't defend myself, because I don't have to. It's very hard to see a full situation from an Internet posting, and I got what I needed, confirmation that it was ok to do what I felt necessary, even if it hurts my MIL's feelings. Thanks for your suggestions again.
ETA: Since you were concerned, I only removed the post because while I may not like the parenting choices and how it affects my children and family, I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings if she ever stumble upon this. Her child, her choices.
Message edited 1/3/2015 9:16:15 AM.
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| Posted 1/3/15 8:53 AM |
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