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mrscupcake
LIF Infant
Member since 3/13 209 total posts
Name:
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I want honest advice please....I am a bridesmaid in a wedding for a friend next June (also- i will be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings next spring) but anyway for ths particular bride her MOH sent an email this wknd about her bach party- she wants to go on a cruise from New York to the Bahamas in April/Jine . Is it b!tchy of me to say no? It's for a multitude of reasons: 1. Money/cost 2. Taking time off from work for a non-family vacation - my time is limited and if i am taking off it's to be with DH and DD 3. With all the other weddings, one of which is my brother in law - I have a lot of expenses and other commitments 4. Being out at sea and not able to get back in case of emergency - dd will be 15 months at that time and i get anxiety just thinknig about being out to sea and not readilly availalble.
Call me crazy...but are these bachelorette parties getting out of hand?
Message edited 8/4/2014 12:25:15 PM.
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Posted 8/4/14 12:22 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Adivde needed (bridesmaid related)
Bitchy or not, I would absolutely decline with no regrets. Reason #4 being my biggest issue. Now that I have DS, if we go anywhere without him I need to be 100% accessible.
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| Posted 8/4/14 12:26 PM |
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Maybe-Baybe
My Sunshine
Member since 7/12 3415 total posts
Name:
My only Sunshine
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Re: Adivde needed (bridesmaid related)
I agree with you in that these bachelor/bachelorette parties have gotten out of control. I feel like these extravagant trips are good for young people with very little reaponsibilites. Having a husband and a baby makes it difficult for me to go get a pedicure, let alone a vacation with a group of girls.
I'm sure the bride will understand if you can't make it.
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| Posted 8/4/14 12:27 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Not b*tchy at all! I skipped my best friend's bachelorette partiy b/c it was 3 days away from DS when he was 3 months old. She totally understood. All of your reasons are very valid. Plus, this sounds like a LONG bachelorette party, I'm sure you aren't the only one having reservations.
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| Posted 8/4/14 12:39 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7634 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Saying no is not b*tchy. DH was invited to an elaborate bachelor party in Mexico and skipped it.
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| Posted 8/4/14 12:49 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
If having a destination Bach party, they can't possibly expect everyone to be able to attend. I would say no, sorry that doesn't work for me and if they do end up going, I would send a nice gift of champagne or something to the bride to be's stateroom.
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| Posted 8/4/14 12:58 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I would absolutely say no! In fact I'm in a very similar situation. I'm a bridesmaid for my friend in nov in Miami. Bachelorette/bridal shower wknd is also in Miami in October probably. Dd will be 15 months and I don't want to leave her for a long wknd and also don't want to spend the money.
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| Posted 8/4/14 1:03 PM |
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MommyToE
LIF Infant
Member since 5/10 167 total posts
Name:
jennifer
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
they are getting a little crazy. i would say no and if i was the bride i woudl understand but that's because i have kids. my husband couldn't handle the kids for that long without me. (my husbands friend had one in Canada and I didn't think he really needed to go, he wasn't even in bridal party but it is a close friend. My husbands response - its our friend i have to go. The best man didn't even go. Then i was really angry he left me home. - i think this is just more of a side vent for me-thanks)
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| Posted 8/4/14 1:10 PM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I would decline without giving it a second thought
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| Posted 8/4/14 1:17 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I feel that Bachelor/ette parties are not mandatory.
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| Posted 8/4/14 1:34 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I dont' care who the heck this was my response would be EFFFFF that shit.
I am sorry. A cruise?
Really?
These dumb bachelorette parties have gotten WAY out of hand and I don't care if that is bitchyy or not.
If I am going away, it's with my DH and/or my DD. Spending that kind of money on a bacholerette party? Leaving DD for that long? Wasting days off at work?
GO SCRATCH!
That is some set of balls.
Some set.
Message edited 8/4/2014 1:37:14 PM.
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| Posted 8/4/14 1:36 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Nope, decline and don't think anything of it. I'm over all these destination things.
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| Posted 8/4/14 2:10 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
My honest opinion, brides/grooms are out of hand with what they expect from their bridal parties and guests these days. They think that being a part of their "special day" means that there is NO limit to what people should be expected to spend. I'm honestly amazed at the things I hear about weddings these days.
That being said, I would NOT go and NOT feel bad. I think it is A LOT to ask of someone in terms of time and money. Also, like you, I really have VERY little interest in vacationing without my DH/kids. If I'm getting away on vacation I want to spend that time with them.
Bachelorette parties and weddings are just ridiculous these days. 
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| Posted 8/4/14 2:31 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Usually I'm one for "once you commit you have to do it" but, in this case, that's a bit much. I don't think your commitment should have to involve using all of your vacation time from work. Once the BP duties start impacting other parts of your life beyond your wallet, I think it's okay to decline.
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| Posted 8/4/14 3:23 PM |
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
id decline.
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| Posted 8/4/14 3:45 PM |
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ANR1211
My loves
Member since 2/11 2131 total posts
Name:
A
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
If it's longer than one night, it's too much for me. Decline without feeling bad.
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| Posted 8/4/14 4:54 PM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Posted by Hofstra26
My honest opinion, brides/grooms are out of hand with what they expect from their bridal parties and guests these days. They think that being a part of their "special day" means that there is NO limit to what people should be expected to spend. I'm honestly amazed at the things I hear about weddings these days.
That being said, I would NOT go and NOT feel bad. I think it is A LOT to ask of someone in terms of time and money. Also, like you, I really have VERY little interest in vacationing without my DH/kids. If I'm getting away on vacation I want to spend that time with them.
Bachelorette parties and weddings are just ridiculous these days.
ITA.
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| Posted 8/4/14 5:49 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
That's not a Bach party. That's a vacation
I would never ask someone with kids to go away for a week
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| Posted 8/4/14 8:38 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Your reasons for declining are better than good enough! I would have most likely declined a trip like that even before having a baby, but now I definitely wouldn't go. Don't feel bad about it either. That's a huge commitment to ask someone to make, plus a lot of $$$
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| Posted 8/4/14 8:44 PM |
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Naturalmama
Love my boys!!
Member since 1/12 3548 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I would decline and not feel bad about it. If it were just going out for that one night, or even staying over for one night somewhere, I would most definitely go. I have no problems leaving my kids for more than one night, but only if DH & I are going somewhere. I would never expect anyone, kids or no kids, to come to a week long bachelorette party!
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| Posted 8/4/14 9:46 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I couldn't take a Friday off & had to make a Bach party Sat & Sun only!
Even that's a lot!
I'd use work as a def reason!
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| Posted 8/4/14 10:51 PM |
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Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Posted by gina409
That's not a Bach party. That's a vacation
Exactly! Go out with her one night alone or with friends for drinks to "make up for it" if you feel the need.
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| Posted 8/4/14 11:55 PM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I would decline. A cruise is absolutely asking too much, especially since you have a family and a job. If your friend doesn't understand that you can't leave your daughter for that long then she's not much of a friend anyway, IMO.
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| Posted 8/5/14 7:09 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
Isn't a cruise from NY to the Bahamas a week? I would decline - even if I didn't have kids, that's a lot of time to have to take off from work and a lot of $$.
I am thinking they will get a lot of push back from others as well.
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| Posted 8/5/14 8:38 AM |
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Nic1229
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/13 639 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Advice needed (bridesmaid related)
I think one night is more than enough.. a cruise is excessive.
I just declined a bachelorette party in Montauk for a 3 day weekend bc I don't want to be away from DD and I could easily drive home if needed.. expecting a mom to be out at sea is crazy!!
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| Posted 8/5/14 11:33 AM |
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