Toddler at funeral

My grandma is about to pass away any day now and we'd all travel for the funeral which is in Rochester. Any tips for handling this situation with a 3 year old and a 3 month old? My brother is thinkng of leaving is kids at home (7&9). Should Dh stay with DD & DSat the hotel and I just go myself?

Thanks.

Toddler at funeral

I just went to a funeral for my best friend's FIL, where all 4 of her children were present (ages 10, 6, 4, and 2). Her SIL's 1 month old daughter was also present at the wakes and funeral. All the kids were really well behaved, but also had things to distract them (phone, ipad, etc).

Toddler at funeral

I think you all should attend, and your DH could always excuse himself during the service if one of the kids acts up and needs to go into the lobby/outside for a bit.

Re: Toddler at funeral

I'm so sorry about your grandma- mine passed away last week. She lives close to me and I still left my 11 month old and 3 year old home with my dh- I didnt want them to see her like that. For the mass, my mil watched them but I would have been ok with them attending that.

Re: Toddler at funeral

My daughter 3 years old and all my grandfathers grandchildren attended. Big Family. The children were all very good. Played in a different room mostly, games, ipads. My daughter understood that her poppy went to heaven. She was with him through his final days so we had to explain everything to her. Believe it ot not she understood it. She asked to see her grandfather "sleeping". I was scared and unsure what to do but she kept insisting to say goodbye and I didnt want to deny her that. It broke my heart as she was close to him. But she did not cry, she said "goodnight" to him. And walked away like it was no big deal and went on playing with her cousins. My Grandmother said my Daughter helped her smile that day. I am glad we let her because till this day she still asks about him. Even at that age they seem so smart.

As some may not be comfortable with Death I can understand if you choose not to have your child there. Use your best judgement and how comfortable you are. If you dont think it is appropriate or believe your child will be upset then have someone stay with them. There is no right or wrong answer, just to do what you feel in your heart is good for your family. I am very sorry for your grandma and lots of prayers to you all.

Toddler at funeral

I bought my toddler to the funeral but not the evening wake. Since it was my family Dh would just bring her into the lobby when she wanted to run around. It helped my family as she made them smile. Most of my cousins bought their kids.

Toddler at funeral

I would bring them, it would bring a bit of happiness to an otherwise sad time.

Re: Toddler at funeral

sorry to hear about your grandmother.

my daughter is now 3 years old and sad to say she has been to about 3 wakes already ... the day after she turned a month old my father past away so needless to say it was hard to find a sitter since all my family and friends were at the wake so she had to come to at least one or two of the days of the wake....then another was an aunt ...and just a few months ago was my brother in law who past away she was just about to turn 3 . I had her with me i kept her in the back of the room the whole time and when i went up to pay my respects she stayed in the back with either another family member friends or husband and she was pretty good ...when she started to act up i just walked her out into another room till she calmed down a little.
you have to do what you have to do ...i dont think its so uncommon to have kids at wakes anymore ...sometimes you just dont have a choice

Message edited 7/31/2014 1:34:26 PM.

Re: Toddler at funeral

Toddler at funeral

I would do whatever you can your DH feel comfortable with.

We have dealt with a lot of death since my DS was born. He is just 2.5 and has been to 3 funerals and we too are dealing with a very sick relative.

Your 3 month old will be fine and might sleep for much. The 3 year might not understand it completely. I know I am going to have to have a conversation with my DS about it when it happens. Right now all he understands is that ampa (grandpa) is very sick and he can't go play with him.

Hugs to you and I'm sure what ever you decide will be just fine!

Re: Toddler at funeral

I'm very sorry you're going through this.

DS was about 18mos when DH's grandfather passed away and we brought him to the wakes because he was a distraction for many of the family members. So many aunts/uncles/cousins enjoyed seeing him there and we took turns chasing him in the funeral home.

For the funeral we were torn about whether or not to bring him. We decided to bring him to the church service, cemetery service and the bereavement event but I almost wish we had dropped him at daycare or a sitter's during the church because I had trouble keeping him quiet during the service and I ended up taking him downstairs to where some ladies were playing bingo -- I was glad that DH was able to attend but I would've liked to have had closure at the service as well.

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I brought my 9 month old to her great grandmothers wake. Everyone loved seeing her. My husband was giving a speech so I had my mom come to watch her down in the children's room during the Priest and speeches.

Re: Toddler at funeral

Re: Toddler at funeral

Personally, I'd probably try to get a babysitter to stay with the kids - at least the youngest ones - so the adults can go to the funeral.

Toddler at funeral

When my grandmother passed dd was approx 4 years old. She handled it very well, even asked to go up to the coffin to say goodbye. You know your child, if you think they can handle it, I'd go for it.

Re: Toddler at funeral

Thanks everyone. I am on the fence about bringing DD (who is 3) to the wake but she would come to the funeral. I am not worried about DS since he is 3 months and will either sleep or be eating. DH is fine doing something else with her while i am at the wake if that's what we decide.