Moms who are "done"

I have a DS that turned 2 in March and had boy/girl twins on 5/2. I feel so blessed to have 3 healthy children. We had complicated pregnancies and never really planned on having more than 2 kids. DH and I talked about this many times and agreed - we are done. I don't think that I want another child - my hands are full, I work full time, there is no room in the house for a fourth child. And this twin pregnancy was miserable for me.

That being said, I feel inexplicably sad when I acknowledge that we are done. I'm not sure if it is just being sad that I will never experience being pregnant again - or if I'm just sad that chapter of my life is over. Is this normal to feel this way? How long does it last? Is it possible to not want more kids and still be sad?

Re: Moms who are "done"

Yes, I feel a bit like this at times. I have 4 and 6 year old boys. I am almost 42 years old. We only want two, and we are done.

I feel a twinge knowing that the baby phase is over. I think it is just knowing it won't happen again, not desiring another baby.

I love and enjoy the family I have. Things get so busy and crazy when school age starts with schoolwork and activities. You are so focused on that, you forget about missing the baby stage.

Enjoy your wonderful family!!!

Re: Moms who are "done"

I think I'm probably in the minority here. I have a 7 year old and 3 year old girls. I knew after we had our 2nd without question we are done. Don't get me wrong, love babies!!! But when I hold one I don't yearn for another. I'm going to be 40.....would have no desire to start over with another.

Re: Moms who are "done"

congrats to you! did you end up on bed rest at the end of this pregnancy? i ended up delivering 5 weeks early while on bedrest

anyways, we are done!! i could not be more confident in saying that, but i have gotten a little sad here and there knowing all of my 2nd's firsts are my lasts. but i i definitely wouldnt change my mind about having another one

Re: Moms who are "done"

Im having my 3rd in July and I already have a 2 year old DS and my DD just turned 1 May 8th and lately all I keep thinking is I am so done!! I will be 38 in December and I just want to enjoy my kids and I don't think that I want anymore. Im having another c-section and I signed the papers to have my tubes tied yet I wonder if that is the right decision. I just can't see myself having four, we can't afford it and we live on one salary which is tough. I want to go back to work soon to provide for my kids yet I hear from so many woman who wish they went for the 4th. I feel sort of sad thinking this is it my last time being pregnant but then I go out in the heat, or my DD is pulling on my legs or my son is playing in the dog food and I think ok this is cute but Im done.

Re: Moms who are "done"

We knew after DD was born that she was our 2nd and last baby. I had a very easy delivery but a VERY complicated recovery that sent me to the ICU on a breathing tube. Its too risky to have a 3rd. I dont necessarily get sad about being done but i do think about what life would be like w a 3rd.

Moms who are

I am now pregnant with my 2nd (DS is 18 months) but know this is our last. It as long been discussed. Pregnancy is a real strain on me physically because of a pre-existing condition and I'll be 41 when this one arrives.

I am truly sad that I won't experience this again. I am trying to savor every minute and every feeling. I am sure I will feel this for a LO g time, especially gathering clothing as it s grown out of. It makes me sad just thinking of it.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Congratulations on your twins

i am 42, have a 8 year old and a 4.5 year old.I desperately wanted a third child after my second was born but unfortunately had three miscarriages. Since my last miscarriage we have not tried to get pregnant again as I was just too scared, upset etc. BUT I still want a third child. I ache for another baby. I cannot imagine this is it for me. I would love if there was a magic switch that I could flick that could say "okay you are done having babies now move on" but there isn't.

I have no advice but just to let you know that I feel the same. I haven't been able to give away any baby clothes or gear because I still cannot fully accept we are done

Good luck with your decision

Re: Moms who are "done"

I had my 2 ds on the same day as you but knew I was done during my pregnancy. I hated being pregnant this time. I got my tubes tied and while I feel a little sad that I will never have a girl, I know I can't have more emotionally or physically.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Re: Moms who are "done"

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my third. I'm having anxiety about having a third but always thought I would have three.
I so want to feel done. Problem is I'm having my third boy. I always imagined my life with a daughter so this was a shock to me to have only boys. ( please no judgement).
So if this was a girl I know I would feel 100% done. And in reality I don't want anymore then three. But of course in the back of my mind I think well maybe a fourth. But I know it's a bad idea to just have another to try for a girl. So I'm pretty sure I'm done.
I'm miserable being pregnant this time around. I get morning sickness every single time. Plus the weight takes forever to come off after baby. I'm 34 so I will decide for sure In two years. Till then I will use some sort of birth control.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Our DD is 15 months. I am in my late 30s and DH in his mid 40s. We also had s scare at 20 weeks. If we were younger, without a doubt I'd want another but my gut tells me we were meant to only have one. I love her more than anything in the world and do not feel like a part is missing. I do feel like our family is complete. I am very close to my nieces and I know DD will always have a close relationship with them. But for the first time today I was in the yard with her and felt bad that when my nieces aren't over she can't just run outside in the spur of the moment with a brother or sister. It's something I'm ok with, just does touch a nerve. With that being said, I can't say I liked being pregnant. I was on medication for morning sickness the entire pregnancy and was always uncomfortable. But I loved our time together driving to work, or feeling her hiccups, just knowing this little person was inside me and only I was experiencing all these things. So, yes we are done. A different time and place things may be different but we are done and I'm ok with it. I know this us how it was meant to be for us.

Moms who are

I have an 11 week old daughter that I adore but I am content to stop at one. DH and I have not discussed it in detail but I cannot see myself being pregnant again. I do not feel sad at all--I feel very blessed to have a happy, health little girl. Enjoy your family!!

Moms who are

Yes!! I have 3.5 twins and an almost 2 year old. They drive me nuts every single day. But for some reason my mind always wanders back to thinking about a fourth. I loved being pregnant. I miss having a baby in the house. But yet now everyone has their own room without having to share, I can fit all 3 in one row in my car and still have my 3rd row free.... I don't know. I think part of my reasoning is that because I had twins I feel slightly gipped (sp?) Even though I have 3 kids I only had two pregnancies and had to experience the baby stage with 2 of them at the same time, etc. I guess only time will tell for me.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Yes I think it's possible to be sad but not want any more children. I have 14 year old ss, a 3 year old dd and an 8 month old ds. We are done and I thought I would be sad about not having anymore but I actually feel pretty good about our decision. The only thing that makes me sad is that I will never experience being pregnant and giving birth again. I loved every second of it!

Message edited 5/26/2014 11:45:20 PM.

Re: Moms who are "done"

I feel EXACTLY the same way as you. In fact, I've been struggling with the decision to stop or have a 3rd baby since my DS was born 14 months ago.

I'm constantly back and forth........on a daily basis. DH and I always wanted 3 kids but due to IF issues we ended up having kids later than we had anticipated so that is factoring in to us thinking maybe we are done. ( we will both be 40 next yr)

Just when I think I'm sure of my decision I waffle again. I can't figure out of it's because I reallllllly want to go for the third baby OR if it's because I'm sad that another chapter in my life is ending and I will never again have that excitement of a BFP or a tiny NB to hold. I know it has to end sometime but it makes me sad so it's really hard for me to definitely say I'm done.

I've given myself to the end of the year to decide because I always said that 40 was the absolute latest I would ever have a baby. If we decide by the holidays that we really, truly are 100% done than we will get DH snipped. But right now, I'm just not 100% either way and I'm struggling with the decision so we are kind of in limbo at this time.

But I am right there with you, it's hard to call it quits. Much harder than I thought it would be.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Moms who are

Thank you ladies. Good to know I'm not alone. When I think of throwing a fourth in the mix, I laugh at the craziness and know that would be too much. I guess I need to just give it time and really figure out what is making me sad.

We have frozen embryos at the IVF clinic that we were going to get rid of (or donate), but I think I will tell DH I'd like to give it a year, just to make sure the sadness doesn't relate to wanting another.

Re: Moms who are "done"

I felt this same way for almost 2 full years after my twins were born. I was overwhelmed and also happy with just my girls. I was content with our family of four. Didn't want to go through IF treatments again. I was done. I thought. Just before their 2nd birthday it hit me like a ton of bricks...I NEEDED ANOTHER BABY!!! And now I have done MORE IF treatments than I ever did to have my girls...

Give it some time. Nothing is ever final. You may feel differently when your twinsies are 2 or 3.

Re: Moms who are "done"

I'm done - I'm grateful and happy and overwhelmed with the 2 happy, healthy boys that I have ........
There's no way I'd have any more. Ever, under any circumstances.

I often get that pang of 'OMG they are getting so big and they're not babies anymore" sadness ..........but it's never a "I need another one" kind of pang

Re: Moms who are "done"

I still think about this often. I have twin boys via IVF. They are 5 and about to head to Kindergarten. I would, if my husband was on board try another baby. I know so much more now! One baby to take care of would be a piece of cake. I will be 40 next month though. There are things I want to do for myself and my family...I think we are done:<

Re: Moms who are "done"

I truly struggle with this all the time! We have two beautiful girls almost 2 & 4. My little one was never like a baby. One minute she was a newborn and by 9 months she walked and by 14 months she was speaking in sentences so I sort of feel like we skipped the baby stage all together which I miss. We had agreed to go for a 3rd but I had to have fertility treatments for both girls and I'm not 100% convinced I want to go through that. Also life is getting easier. They are much more independent and it's hard to imagine adding a newborn now. were giving ourselves 2 years to think and or act on it. If by than it doesn't happen I think dh will get a V.

Re: Moms who are "done"

Yes, we have 3 healthy children and we are very blessed. We will not have a fourth. We are simply too tired! but, I am sad about it.

Moms who are

Thank you ladies