Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

Sorry a bit long..

I have a good friend that I met through my son's preschool.

Our 6 year olds were best friends for two years in preschool, but went to different schools for kindergarten. We also have 4 year olds who are close friends.

Yesterday we met up at a park with our 6 year old boys, who had not seen each other in months. Within 15 minutes, my son wanted to leave, which never happens! Apparently, her son was mocking mine quite a bit, and said some mean things. I know her son is ultra competitive and a "one-upper", but their exchange really upset DS.

Once we got in the car, DS told me he never wants to see the kid again, ever. My friend has already said she wants to do play dates this summer, even suggested a sitter share so both sets of kids can play together.

I don't want to make my DS spend time with a kid that treats him poorly. He has many other friends from school that he would rather see this Summer instead. I still want to keep my friendship with this woman. Do I just make excuses whenever she wants to get together with the kids, or tell her the truth?

Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

I think it depends on her personality. I was honest with a "friend" about how her son was treating my daughter and let's just say we are no longer friends, and I think she actually hates me LOL If she is an "oh, not my child" type of mom, then you may risk the friendship, if she is easy going and knows that kids are not perfect, than I would talk to her about it, esp since you get along well with her.

Message edited 5/19/2014 8:27:28 AM.

Re: Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

I wouldn't say anything. It would ruin or at least change the friendship/dynamic. I would just emphasize how you like her as a friend and how you want to do things with her without the kids. Also, if your DS was just uncomfortable this 1 time, maybe give it a second shot before you both rule the other child out. Maybe he was having a bad day, or month. On a different day in a different setting, opinions might change.

Re: Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

Re: Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

It happens.
I'd just try again with both kids in a few months & if there still is an issue, then let it go (your friendship probably too).

Re: Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

I think I would just avoid getting the kids together. As a pp mentioned, say you want to get together without the kids for some adult time. I would just keep making excuses for why DS can't play (he's coming down with something, has plans already, etc). If that isn't working you could maybe tell her the truth as a last ditch effort since the other option is just end the friendship. It sounds like that would have to happen regardless.

I wouldn't make DS spend time with a child who makes him feel bad. His wellbeing and happiness is your main concern, I wouldn't worry about pleasing someone else at his expense. From what you say, it doesn't sound like this child was just having an off day.

Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

I think I have the opposite opinion. I would say something but obviously try to to say it as politely as possible. If you just find excuses for not getting together your friendship is going to deteriorate anyway. This way you actually make an effort to fix the problem. If she values your friendship then you may be able to salvage the relationship. But even if she takes it very badly and wants nothing to do with you anymore, she may just take a fresh look at her son's behavior and try to redirect him so behaves better. (Possible silver lining in a crappy situation)

Issue with friend's son. Would you say something to her?

In a similar situation. Met a friend b/c our DDs were always playing together.
Her DD isn't very nice, to anyone, but when my DD is around she seems to be the target. My friend is the first to say her kid is mean etc. Trying to change her behavior, redirect and help her DD.
I just stopped spending so much time with them. I miss my friendship with her, but I couldn't sit back and watch my DDs feelings get hurt every time we saw them. (My DD is no angel trust me). I get the kids have moments and they are all mean to each other at some point, but this was becoming uncomfortable.
It sucks, but what can ya do.