Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

My DD does not listen. She will look at me, and just ignore me. Yelling doesn't work. I send her to her room, that doesn't work. I just took the ipad away, indefinitely. I don't know what to do. She is impossible. I find myself losing it. And then every night I sit and think about how I'm a horrible mom and need more patience. But then the cycle starts again the next day.

How do you get your kids to listen?

Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

When is she not listening? At 6 she is old enough to reason with. Have you sat her down and explained things like family rules, how she can't do certain things for safety reasons, that rules are in place because you love her and your job is to teach her the right thing to do etc?

Re: Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

Re: Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

Oh yes the selective hearing child - I have one of those. I have explained to DS that if I have to repeat myself there will be consequences.

I make a request, if its not followed I will get I front of DS making sure we are face to face and ask if he understands my request. If he tells me he doesn't understand or didn't hear I will repeat the request. If the request is not followed there is a natural consequence.
If he wont leave someplace be misses the next planned activity. If he doesn't sit at the table dinner is over (only had to do that once), misbehaving at an activity we leave immediately etc. If his consequence effects someone else (playdate ending early, me having to leave a store) he also looses tv and video games.

It didn't take long for DS listening to improve. He still has his moments and I expect he always will, but he has I proved greatly.

Re: Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

have you tried using a visual behavioral chart ?
you can either do it as a positive or negative reward system.
Good listening = earning stickers/checks when doing good listening, and a certain amount of checks in total earns you a preferred activity (tv or ipad etc) for X amount of time or a treat.
or
Bad listening = a certain amount of pre given X's or checks on a clip board get removed one by one when not following a given pre-established rule. When you lose all given checks or x's then you lose a preferred reward/activity (tv, ipad etc) for the day.
This is a very general explanation. If you have any questions feel free to FM me

Re: Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

Just want to say my DS is 5 1/2 and I could have written your post word for word. I'm finding my patience is gone and I'm becoming a yeller, which I know is awful and doesn't work. Makes me feel like crap. I'm really trying to stay calmer but he will even smile while disobeying me and it just pushes my buttons. I just keep feeling like I want my sweet baby boy back. Which btw he is half the time. I swear I feel like I live with Jekkyl & Hyde

Re: Almost 6 year old who doesn't listen! Help!

I do this kind of stuff professionally, so please bare with me bc I get technical and clininal. I agree with JaneDoe. From what it sounds like the punishments are not effective bc your DD doesn't care to listen. I would try turning your approach around where preferred items are not given unless they are earned. Make iPad use contingent on following simple directions that are outlined clearly. It is important that the reinforcer must be motivating enough to work for. Ie: 30 min of iPad contingent on cleaning her room or whatever it is you're asking. Just make sure that whatever she working towards is motivating enough to finish the request you have made.
(Only use iPad here as an example bc you mentioned you took it away, to me implying it is motivating to her)

Having her work towards gaining reinforcers/rewards will help her to understand what is expected AS WELL AS increase the chances your DD will gain some respect of your authority bc she will see it in her best interest to do so. If your DD likes her independence, maybe allow her to pick what she will get for complying with directions.

The most important things about this are 1. consistency. If you offer her something for listening to your request, make sure she only gets it for listening to that request. And 2. Being clear. It is not enough to say to a 6year old "listening = rewards". It's too general. It is more effective to say, cleaning room = rewards or coming when called= rewards so it is clearly defined what you mean by listening.

I also hate to ask this, but are you really planning on taking the iPad away indefinitely? If you are, fine, however if you just said that out of anger and plan to return it, you may continue to get resistance from your DD when it comes to listening to directions bc to her, things will get returned eventually instead of learning it is based on compliance.

GL!!!

Message edited 9/6/2013 7:40:08 AM.