Preschool...

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Thank you all SO much for your responses.

Message edited 6/1/2013 2:45:13 PM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

You are doing the right thing by going into the school this morning...it really scares me about how long he can be touching if you son said it feels good...where the hell are the teachers. I would 10000000 percent be talking to the director of the school. I have an almost 6 yr old, and a 4 1/2 yr old, and this is not common. Plus being a teacher, this is absolutely not common behavior.

Does the school have a psychologist? I do not think I would file a police report, but I also don't think I would allow my son to remain at that school...l would be livId about supervision.

I would also call you pediatrician. He will help to guide you through this, and answer any questions you may have. I am sooooo sorry you are going through this.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

xx edited xx

Thank you all SO much for your responses.

Message edited 6/1/2013 2:45:22 PM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Message edited 5/14/2013 6:47:30 AM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

xx edited xx

Thank you all SO much for your responses.

Message edited 6/1/2013 2:45:38 PM.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Hugs to you. You seem very clear headed and I am glad you have a supportive dh.
He is right to document this.
Good luck today.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Child protective services needs to be called. At 5 this boy is learning from experiences, and I feel that this child may be in danger at home.

Now that is said, you have every right to feel a range of emotions. Personally, the school is liable since this behavior continued to occur - and is putting other children in danger. I would seek legal advice and pull my child from that school.

Regardless, I am so sorry you are going through this

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

ugh! what a situation!! you're definitely right in that this seems really "off", and not like normal child curiousity.
I would talk to the director this morning, like you are. And I would be pulling my son from the school. To me, this is a case where nothing the director could say would be a good enough "excuse"/reason. Especially since you already mentioned John to the teacher at your DS conference and nothing seems to be getting better. Your son saying it "feels good" makes me think that its not just a quick, curiousity thing, and that its happening repeatedly- so where are the teachers?! ( I worked in a daycare/preschool for a few summers so i know things get crazy in the rooms and you don't notice every little thing the kids do....but this really seems to be like the teachers are often not around)
And I would also report it to whoever... you never know what could be going on in Johns home and that might help him someday.Good luck , and keep us updated!

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Hugs to you. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.

I think you are taking the right course of action.

One thing though that sticks out - on top of John's actions is why is John in the room alone with your son??? Regardless of any prior history, they should not be left alone.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I am a psychologist in a preschool. If my child were in this situation, I would be at the school immediately, as you are doing, to ensure my child's safety, and to express concern for John's well being at home. They are mandated reporters at school, and you mentioned that your husband is as well. My gut is that without any evidence of John saying that he was touched, they will not take the case, but it should 100% be reported, so that everyone on your end has done their part. If I was the psychologist at that school, I would be having a meeting with John's parents to express my concerns and to try and get a feel about what was going on.

Even if there is no psychologist at the school, the school administration NEEDS to have John's parents in to discuss his behavior.

It's a very tricky situation. Your first priority is obviously to protect your son. Next, express your concerns about John to the school, and have your DH, as a mandated reporter, call ACS/CPS. Just so you guys have it handy, the mandated reporter number for ACS is 1-800-635-1522.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

It sounds like people have given you really great advice so here are some hugs from me.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Are there any camera videos they can review?

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Whoa!

Not much to add but second the good advice here so far.

Child abuse is not uncommon.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Thats so scary! Im so sorry youre having to deal with this. I have a psychology degree but i dont practice i think the advice youve already been given is great! Good luck!

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Just wanted to send hugs! Great advice has been given

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I'm a social worker and have worked in early childhood. I agree with everything that has been said about following up, speaking with the school and filing a report about the incident. I also commend you for your concern for this other boy.

I do just want to add - and disclaimer I am NOT saying this is the case, but it is something to just keep in mind - that children at a young age become very exploratory about their private parts and it is not uncommon to have curiosity about others' parts as well. It IS possible (again, just another possibility) that his family has different cultural or familial views about this sort of thing and has a different way of approaching it. Perhaps they talk about sex very openly in his house, or perhaps he accidentally witnessed or heard an interaction between his parents. Again, I think your concern is 100% totally warranted and should be followed through very carefully, but it IS possible that this boy is inappropriately mimicking something potentially harmless he witnessed.

Nonetheless, you are approaching the situation completely correctly, the school NEEDS to bring the parents in to speak to them and to further investigate, and I think filing an incident report is totally appropriate. If there is nothing negative happening, at least there will be peace of mind that a little boy's safety was well accounted for.

ETA: Also, if the school made the rule about John not being allowed to go to the bathroom with other kids, why on earth is there an opportunity for him to be touching your son's or anyone else's private parts????

Message edited 5/14/2013 9:52:14 AM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

OMG what a situation. Everyone has given you all the advice I was going to so I won't be repetitive. Wow.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I just want to send hugs, I think you've gotten a lot of great advice. My heart is pounding out of my chest with anger and grief for you.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I got sick reading this, for you, your son and this john boy. I think the advice given above is the best. I really hope its nothing too serious going on in his home. My God, the thought of it is horrible. Good luck.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Posted by Jenny614

Posted by Jax430

I am a psychologist in a preschool. If my child were in this situation, I would be at the school immediately, as you are doing, to ensure my child's safety, and to express concern for John's well being at home. They are mandated reporters at school, and you mentioned that your husband is as well. My gut is that without any evidence of John saying that he was touched, they will not take the case, but it should 100% be reported, so that everyone on your end has done their part. If I was the psychologist at that school, I would be having a meeting with John's parents to express my concerns and to try and get a feel about what was going on.

Even if there is no psychologist at the school, the school administration NEEDS to have John's parents in to discuss his behavior.

It's a very tricky situation. Your first priority is obviously to protect your son. Next, express your concerns about John to the school, and have your DH, as a mandated reporter, call ACS/CPS. Just so you guys have it handy, the mandated reporter number for ACS is 1-800-635-1522.

Im also a Psychologist (only in a middle school) and i agree with everything!

"This feels good" is not typical talk for a 3 year old, or even a 5 year old in my opinion. So this really makes me believe even more that John is going through something at home and is learning this type of talk there. Poor kid. Im sorry you are going through this, its one of my worst nightmares Please keep us updated.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

That is awful. It made my stomach turn. You and your DH should be commended on how you are handling this.

I would have a serious problem with the school. It seems as if they have known about the problem for some time and the lack of supervision is concerning. For your son to say "it feels good" makes me think this touching is not a brief poke. While I know it's not possible to supervise every child at every moment, it sounds as if this is an ongoing issue that they were aware of and should have been hypersensitive about. I worked in pre-school as an OT. I remember having a 4 yo child whose father would let him watch porn with him. He would make sexual comments and touch the girls inappropriately. CPS was involved as were the school psychologist and social worker but we knew to keep an eye on him all the time. The minute the school knew there was an issue back when they knew John needed to be supervised in the bathroom, professionals should have been consulted.