I never thought I would hate my body this much

I have 2 kids, 5year old and a 3 month old.
With my first pregnancy I gained 35 lbs, most of it first trimester, but lost it within couple of weeks with no problem , didn't get ANY stretch marks , anywhere, nothing, 0. My stomach looked toned and smooth within 3 months. I BF for almost a year and my boobs were back to normal after I stopped BF. no sagging, no stretch marks, nice and full and almost as "perky" as before. My body was back perfectly "intact" .
This time around it's a whole different story. Again, I gained 35lbs. Most of it first and 3rd trimester. Lost it all within couple of weeks , but got stretch marks ALL OVER my body, they are worst inside my thighs I am talking about bunch of thick, purple lines going down from my upper thigh down to my calves almost , on both sides. My stomach looks terrible too, thin stretch marks all over. On my back and my behind too. Not to mention that my OB did a terrible job with my CS stitch and my incision looks lap sided , I have a big chunk of skin hanging over my incision in one spot , on one side and have stretch marks all around it :(
I'm BF and I can see that after I feed my DS and my boobs are empty they are saggy and have small stretch marks on them . Funny thing is I used all kinds of creams and moisturizers throughout my whole pregnancy this time around, with my first I only did this the first trimester and then gave up.

I mean seriously?! How could this happen, I hate my body right now and the worst part is that I know it's not going to get better. I know I am lucky and I am very happy that I have 2 healthy, happy babies and would not change a thing, but it doesn't change the fact that my body is a mess and I have never felt this self conscious in my whole life . It's nit like I can afford surgery or any kind of treatment to make things a bit better. So this is it
Sorry if I sound like a crazy person, but I just came out of the shower, looked at myself in the mirror and wanted to cry . So I'm just venting, maybe it'll help a bit if I get it off my chest . thank you for reading this and thank you for letting me vent .

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

Over time, the stretch marks will fade. They won't be so bad.

Having babies changes our bodies forever. My 3rd DC is 8 months, and I still have a belly. None of my clothes fit me properly. I'm uncomfortable all the time. After BFing 3 DC's, my boobs are shot. I totally understand how you feel.

All I can say is that I I'm here with you. We need to embrace our new bodies and remember that they are that way for very good reasons. And we may not get back to "normal". But it will get better.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I could have written the same description!

I sometimes struggle but I have a WONDERFUL husband who still loves me and wants me no matter what I look like.

I am just trying to focus on my children and how thankful I am that they are healthy and in our lives, even if it has made me less "beautiful".

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

The strech marks do turn white and turn less noticable. They do have Mederma cream which works great for minimizing strech marks.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

Like you, I got a TON of stretch marks and they were super visible all right above my ass I was so upset. But here I am 6 months pp and the lines faded and I really can't notice em like I used to. So they will fade... Just give it some time I also have stretch marks around my belly button... Nothing I can do there... I will never look the same in a bikini and I've come to accept that. I am a mom and will embrace my body and wear the "war wounds" with pride my dd was born in may so I had to go through the summer overanalyzing my body

Eta: I got the sagginess as well... I think that bothers me the most... I don't know if its because I became HUGE or what but I call em my 32 Droops

Message edited 12/14/2012 9:35:03 AM.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I have the same Stretchmarks as you. And I hate them as well along with ugly veins! I try to just accept them but they will always bother me. They have faded some with the use of Bio-Oil. Def use it. I know I should be happy with my body but I tell my DH that one day I will save enough money to try and get rid of them. LOL..DH thinks Iam beautiful the way I am and it doesnt bother him but I am so insecure about it. I understand how you feel. Do try the Bio-oil now while your stretch marks are still red. Hope they fade quickly!

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

My DH is great and would never make me feel bad about my body, not that he has seen me naked since DS was born and I haven't really talked to him about it at all. He doesn't know how unhappy I am with my body right now. It's just me and my issue ...
Funny I get so many compliments on how great I look and that I don't look like I just had a baby or that I have 2 kids , but they don't know how much this whole thing bothers me.
I think it's the fact that this didn't happen after my first pregnancy at all and this time around it's so bad is what bothers me the most, it was almost like a shock to see . sounds funny but it's almost like my body made up for the first pregnancy too, lol.
Thank you everyone, I do feel better now than I did this morning, I guess it was the first time I REALLY looked at my whole body this morning (usually I run in the shower and run out soap still all over me half the time) and realized how "bad" my skin looks what made me little upset .
I'm feeling better now.
Thank you

I never thought I would hate my body this much

I hear ya. My first pregnancy I gained 44 pounds, but my boobs stayed intact and had no stretch marks. This time around I got stretch marks around my belly button a bit and on my boobs. Now that i'm 8 months pp, my belly has some wrinked skin around the belly button and my boobs practically hit the floor. I hate them and keep telling DH i'm getting them fixed when I turn 30. My stomach doesn't bother me so much. It is what it is, and it's not TOO bad. I am going to start toning soon, so i'm hoping that will help a bit. My boobs are the bane of my existence. I hate them and think they look terrible, but DH says he loves them even more now. Who knows. I think he's just saying that because he wants another kid...lol

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I'm Sorry you feel this way , I know having a baby is really tough on our bodies. after db 1 my belly was flat. After # 2 it's much harder and I was def. spoiled the first time around. I look at my dh and he is so lucky his body has not changed at all

Your baby is still so young, give yourself more time. The marks will fade and c section still needs time for healing

I never thought I would hate my body this much

I know this isn't the most common response, but if you feel that terrible maybe you should consider surgery. A good friend of mine was in a similar place after 3 kids. She got a mini tummy tuck and a breast lift. Sho had to save up for a cpuple of years, but she said it was the best money she ever spent ! She looked great too.

I never thought I would hate my body this much

Lots of hugs. The 2nd was harder on me as well, but I am older too. If you're oldest DC is 5 then that could be why everything is different.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I feel the same way! I feel "okay" in clothes, but without them is another story. Would NEVER wear a bikini. I had a great pre-baby body. Unlike you though, after my first I did not go back to pre-pregnancy state. Then I had twins and a really difficult pregnancy. My stomach is SHOT. It's terrible. I have so much extra skin that is all stretched out and even though I'm below my pre-twin weight, I still am nowhere near lookswise where I want to be. I have been losing weight though and am starting to see difference in my stomach and hope through exercise I can fix the rest... otherwise I better save up for surgery! I have stretch marks too. It stinks! You are so not alone

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I never thought I would hate my body this much

I swear, it kind of gets better. Like you start to accept the changes more or something...I can't explain it.

For me, and I know this sounds ridiculous, but my nose got bigger. I have no clue why, but it did. It bothered me and still bugs me, but I have adapted.

Stretch marks fade, thankfully...just takes some time.

Maybe you could treat yourself to a day of beauty? Something to increase your self-esteem?

Message edited 12/14/2012 4:16:34 PM.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I only have one kid but my body was a shitshow 3 mts after DS. I bet within a year you look just as amazing as ever. You might just not be bouncing back as quickly but you will most likely bounce back!!!

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

It does get better, you just had your baby and your hormones are still in your body. The skin will look much better in time! The stretch marks will fade and the c-section scar will become less noticeable.

It is not just motherhood, but aging that changes our bodies. Even with women that don't have any children. I just turned 40, and I have two kids. What I see in the mirror without clothes is a lot different than a picture I just found of myself in Cancun in 1997

After my second DS, I started exercising and that made a big difference. I looked and felt better. No, the results are not as great as surgery would be- but it helps!

Hang in there- you are not alone.

Re: I never thought I would hate my body this much

I hear ya sister!

I looked great after my first, and expected the same thing with my second.

Although I went back to my pre pregnancy weight - my second destroyed my shape. My hips got wider, my boobs look like envelope flaps, and I still look 3 months pg bc my stomach is stretched out.

I hope to have a third, and cant imagine what I'll look like.

I try to own it and remind myself that I made 2 people, and its OK not to look like a model. I look like someone who had 2 kids, and I should be proud of that.