Talking about heaven/death help...how to explain

My 5 yr old has been talking about my grandmother for a few months now and how shes in heaven and that its sad...

So today at breakfast he said to me, if papa's mommy and daddy are in heaven, that means one day you and daddy will be in heaven. It caught me so off guard, and I told him yes, but not until we are old. He asked how old and I just said 100 bc I couldnt even think straight. He said he doesnt want us to ever be 100 because he doesnt want us to leave

Then he saids he worried bc papa is older (hes only 51) so he will be 100 soon. Then he said, oh no Mommy when you are 98 Daddy will be 100 bc he is 2 yrs older, and I dont want him to ever go to heaven

I am just so upset about this, and I know ever parent goes through it, I just am not sure where to go from here? Are there any books that may help? I just don't want him worrying about it.

Thank you

Message edited 12/3/2012 1:12:11 PM.

Re: Talking about heaven/death help...how to explain

ugh! so tough he sounds like he so smart with how he puts things together like that!

Could you maybe play up the happy memories aspect? Like how even though everybody goes to heaven, they still give us happy things to remember whenthey're not here anymore? have him tell you some of the fun things he remembers about the people you know who are in heaven??

i'm reaching at straws here, because i have no idea how i would handle it....

Re: Talking about heaven/death help...how to explain

We talk about death a lot with DS. It just seems to be something he is becoming more aware of now that he's 5. He asks questions everyday about it. Every time he sees a dead animal, hears about someone dying, or even sees a dead bug, he asks a million questions.

We keep it matter of fact. I am a firm believer in how we appear on this topic will shape a child's fear or anxiety surrounding this issue.

We tell him everyone dies, and that's when our souls leave our bodies, and become something else. The part that makes us "us" never dies though. We also believe in reincarnation, so we tell him we will always see each other. Just in different forms. He is very peaceful about it. We worked hard on having him develop this view though. Personally, I still grapple with the fact I'm going to die someday. But that's because I was raised with this terrifying view of the whole process. I don't want to pass that onto my son.

Talking about heaven/death help...how to explain

It's very natural for kids at that age to talk about death.

DS knows my sister is in heaven. It's a town far far away where G-d lives and you can't even get there by airplane. He also knows his dog who died in a house fire is there. We told him that his dog is playing with my sister and his friends dog. They are happy because we loved them when they were here. We had to deal with animal death before human death. There are a lot of books to help if you think it's necessary. But it tends o be a phase. I usually try to distract DS bc if he gets upset, he sleeps poorly.

GL

Re: Talking about heaven/death help...how to explain

I had a very very similar conversation with my now 5 yr old when he was around 4. I'll be honest, I do not think at that age they are really able to grasp the truth - I mean, I'm a grown woman and I can't necessarily grasp it. My DS is a sensitive and inquisitive boy and very smart (which it sounds like your DS is as well) and I know if I got into the subject with him he would think about it constantly and worry and try to understand something that is really impossible to understand. So, that said,when he asked me "what will happen when you and daddy are 100 and I am not 100 yet?" what did I do - I ended the conversation quickly - I said "don't worry honey, mommy and daddy will wait for you - families all go to heaven together." When the conversation ever goes near that subject again - I redirect and distract. Maybe in a few years but, at 4, I didn't feel it was the right time to tell my son the whole deal. But, I think everyone has to make their own decisions on this - there are some kids you can just tell them things and that's it - they accept it and don't question it or worry about it. If my DS was like this - I would have handled it differently. I'm sure my way isn't the right way but, it's what worked for us. It also doesn't hurt that no one in our immediate family has passed away since DS has been born. HTH.

Message edited 12/3/2012 9:16:08 PM.