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Beck
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 1334 total posts
Name:
still can't believe it's mommy
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do you say goodbye or sneak away?
DD is 16 months & sooo attached to me.
It's really sweet that she's so lovable but she has a melt down every time I leave her, even if she's familiar with the place & people.
I hope this is just a phase, some people tell me it is then others have said that their kids did it until they were 4 &5.
I like to say good bye because it seems so mean to just run out.
If I just sneak out she's fine until she realizes I'm gone & then she'll have a melt down.
It only lasts a few minutes & she gets over it but it is still heart breaking.
Is there any "right" way to leave them?
Message edited 11/21/2012 2:25:37 PM.
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Posted 11/21/12 2:25 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Just recently started dealing with this. DD is almost 18 months. I say my good-byes, love yous and give kisses a few minutes before I actually leave. Then I have my mom distract her (either do something in another room, get her to look at something outside or let her put on a "show" on TV) then I bolt. Today I had to follow her, she kept looking back to see if I was there but finally got distracted enough in the bathroom of all places. Hoping it is just a phase, hate that she cries or I have to do a fake out!
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:42 PM |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I'm a fan of the "sneak away" if the kid is going to have a major meltdown at me leaving. My son was like this at that age and it was much easier for me to just leave than to have him crying his eyes out at the door as I tried to close it. I hated not getting to say goodbye to him, but it seemed like the more humane way to do it for the situation at hand. My daughter (15 months) is totally opposite and has yet to get upset at me leaving and actually waves bye-bye and blows kisses. Just goes to show how every kid is different.
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:43 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I read that it isn't good to sneak away. You should always tell them that you're leaving but you'll be back later.
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:44 PM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Posted by Sparrow
I read that it isn't good to sneak away. You should always tell them that you're leaving but you'll be back later.
Same here.
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:54 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
From a child psych stand point, it is better to say goodbye and tell your child that you will see them later. Then when you come back, she learns that mommy always comes back. When parents come into preschool and see their children, the children usually cry upon separation. I always tell the parents to say a quick goodbye, give them a hug and kiss, and then LEAVE. Don't linger, don't prolong the goodbye. As hard as it is to leave a crying child, the child usually calms down within a few minutes of the parent leaving. It is more traumatic for a child to discover that his/her parent disappeared without saying anything.
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:55 PM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I'm glad you asked this because I really have no idea what to do- my ds has a complete meltdown everytime I leave him.
appreciate the poster above me commenting- will definitely try that approach
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| Posted 11/21/12 2:58 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
we sneak away - we always come back. honestly, he asks where we are but this prevents a meltdown of astronomical propotions like always happens if we say goodbye.
he has never once freaked out - whomever he is with just says "mommy and daddy went to the store, they will be right back" and he goes on doing what he was doing.
ETA - he is at the age now where when we return, he says "momma, you come back!" and I laugh and say "of course, mommy and daddy will always come back!" 
Message edited 11/21/2012 4:02:17 PM.
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| Posted 11/21/12 4:00 PM |
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wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Posted by Jax430
From a child psych stand point, it is better to say goodbye and tell your child that you will see them later. Then when you come back, she learns that mommy always comes back. When parents come into preschool and see their children, the children usually cry upon separation. I always tell the parents to say a quick goodbye, give them a hug and kiss, and then LEAVE. Don't linger, don't prolong the goodbye. As hard as it is to leave a crying child, the child usually calms down within a few minutes of the parent leaving. It is more traumatic for a child to discover that his/her parent disappeared without saying anything.
Exactly this, word for word. Both my boys have gone through a separation anxiety phase (or more than one phase!). It is heartbreaking to walk away from them when they are crying and reaching out to me. But I keep it brief. A kiss, a hug, an "I love you and I'll see you after school," and I leave. Dragging it out only heightens the anxiety, because they keep thinking about you leaving and wondering when it will happen. It's like taking off a bandaid- do it quickly and it hurts for a second, then it's over and you move on. Do it slowly and drawn out, and the pain is extended. I personally hate hate hate the sneak out method. This will only encourage anxiety and worry in the long run, because the child will have to go about every minute of the day, never knowing when they will just turn around and Mommy or Daddy will be gone.
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| Posted 11/21/12 5:04 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I actually just read up on this! The right thing to do is say goodbye... Don't show that your upset to leave them... Show them your confident in the person you left them with. Do a quick goodbye, I love you, I'll see you in a little while,and then out the door... The meltdown should become shorter in time and eventually go away all together.
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| Posted 11/21/12 5:12 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
We always say goodbye, give hugs and kisses, we say "love you, see you later" or similar, and leave. He hasnt had any issues with us leaving. He will jump on the couch and blow kisses as we leave or sometimes he could care less and goes off to play with who ever is watching him. But he is always with family members, people he knows well.
I couldnt handle not smooching him before I leave
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| Posted 11/21/12 9:20 PM |
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lbride
Lovin' my mini man!
Member since 3/07 2475 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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do you say goodbye or sneak away?
we used to sneak away. then he started crying everytime we left the room because he thought we would leave and not come back
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| Posted 11/21/12 10:04 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I always kiss them, say goodbye and that I love them. It's just our thing that whenever someone leaves, its what we do, because unfortunately, you just never know 
ETA: There's a song I used to sing if my kids would get upset....it's a song from years back when my brother was little...
(We change mommy/daddy if needed!)
My mommy comes back,
she always comes back,
she always comes back to get me.
My mommy comes back,
she always comes back,
she'll never, ever forget me!
Message edited 11/21/2012 10:07:26 PM.
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| Posted 11/21/12 10:05 PM |
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Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love
Member since 2/07 5694 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Posted by Jax430
From a child psych stand point, it is better to say goodbye and tell your child that you will see them later. Then when you come back, she learns that mommy always comes back. When parents come into preschool and see their children, the children usually cry upon separation. I always tell the parents to say a quick goodbye, give them a hug and kiss, and then LEAVE. Don't linger, don't prolong the goodbye. As hard as it is to leave a crying child, the child usually calms down within a few minutes of the parent leaving. It is more traumatic for a child to discover that his/her parent disappeared without saying anything.
I agree with all of this!
This is what I do. It works for me.
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| Posted 11/22/12 7:05 AM |
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mig
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 888 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Posted by dlj97
Posted by Sparrow
I read that it isn't good to sneak away. You should always tell them that you're leaving but you'll be back later.
Same here.
Same here. I will always say goodbye even if she cries. I don't ever want her to turn around and realize I left without saying goodbye. That would break my heart more.
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| Posted 11/22/12 7:45 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Usually the opposite for me. When we go somewhere and my kids are distracted they run away. Usually when we leave it's with their grandparents or another family member or friends they know well. Even when I say goodbye they wave without looking and ignore us. LOL
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| Posted 11/22/12 8:43 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
Posted by mig
Posted by dlj97
Posted by Sparrow
I read that it isn't good to sneak away. You should always tell them that you're leaving but you'll be back later.
Same here.
Same here. I will always say goodbye even if she cries. I don't ever want her to turn around and realize I left without saying goodbye. That would break my heart more.
I also do this although I totally understand people that dont!
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| Posted 11/22/12 10:27 AM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
I always say goodbye. I have anxiety issues and I remember when I was younger wondering if my parents would come back. What if, god forbid, something happened to them. Same reason I always say goodbye to my DH every time he leaves the house. Even if we're fighting, lol.
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| Posted 11/22/12 10:53 AM |
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MrsG72907
Mommy of 2 girls!
Member since 5/10 2046 total posts
Name:
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
In the last week or so, since DD turned 1, I have been dealing with this when I drop her off in the am at daycare. Drop off has become less than 2 minutes bc she begins crying shortly after we walk in the door. I bring in her things, take off her jacket and hat and give her kisses/hugs and tell her i love her and have a great day, all while she is screaming. I pass her off and literally as the door closes I can hear her stop crying. Then she has a great day. No more tears after I leave.
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| Posted 11/22/12 10:57 AM |
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Kim7706
LIF Adult
Member since 3/07 1233 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Re: do you say goodbye or sneak away?
This is new with my DS too...hes 14 months....
I say goodbye...and get out quick....he has a meltdown...but only for a few minutes....
I dont wanna leave bc if he realizes im not gone....its worse!!
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| Posted 11/22/12 11:20 AM |
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jdbaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/11 660 total posts
Name:
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do you say goodbye or sneak away?
If they are anxious about you leaving and you just "disappear", they are going to be more anxious and clingy with you.
ETA a short and non dramatic goodbye is best IMA
Message edited 11/22/2012 9:31:14 PM.
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| Posted 11/22/12 9:30 PM |
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