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Hemicat
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/11 408 total posts
Name:
Dana
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BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
So I go back to work in two weeks and we worked out our schedules so MIL will watch DD on Mondays and my mom will take her on Fridays (DH is off Tues/Wed and I am working from home on Thurs). My mom is great with her and knows her routine. I am grateful we have his mom to cover Mondays and I don't want to come across as a b!tch but I am worried she will do whatever she wants - thumb sucking, holding her while she sleeps, etc. Any advice? Do we actually come out and give her 'rules'?
Thanks!
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Posted 9/27/12 1:32 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
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BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
We did. I typed and printed them up.
I know older people think they know all, but times have changed.
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| Posted 9/27/12 1:50 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
I did. I tried not to overly micromanage but I did write down what was really important to me (DH always leaves and gets home from work before me so I don't see MIL that often). I don't know how much she reallly followed it but if I noticed something that bothered me (enough) I would ask DH to mention it to her. I admit it's not really a great system but it is what it is. I wish I saw MIL when I left or came home to ask questions and address things right then but out schedule doesn't work like that. I hate to sound like a nag or unappreciative calling her up on the phone to ask her not to do something, kwim?
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| Posted 9/27/12 2:01 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
I am a SAHM and thus have no experience with this, but-- I will say, if the day comes where I offer to do my DIL a BIG favor and commit myself to babysitting for free every Monday, and she comes back to me with a list of "rules"... well, that will be the day she starts researching daycares and I plan a new standing Monday lunch date with my friends 
Just saying, if it's not a genuine safety concern, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It seems really ungrateful.
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| Posted 9/27/12 2:10 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by computergirl
Just saying, if it's not a genuine safety concern, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It seems really ungrateful.
I disagree. Every household has some rules and I don't think you should be expected to throw those out the window because your babysitter is related to you.
My MIL and my mom watch DS one day a week each. They both respect my parenting "rules" (for the most part). I spoke with them individually beforehand about things that were important to me and I continue to mention things as we go along. I don't come off as bossy, just a mother who wants the best for her children. With that said, you might find you have to give in a little bit because it is family and you don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. However, if it's something you feel strongly about, I would be sure to emphasize that.
At the end of the day, I just love that DS gets to spend so much time with his grandparents and I know he loves spending time with them too.
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| Posted 9/27/12 2:57 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by computergirl
I am a SAHM and thus have no experience with this, but-- I will say, if the day comes where I offer to do my DIL a BIG favor and commit myself to babysitting for free every Monday, and she comes back to me with a list of "rules"... well, that will be the day she starts researching daycares and I plan a new standing Monday lunch date with my friends
Just saying, if it's not a genuine safety concern, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It seems really ungrateful.
I disagree - babysitting once in a while on a Saturday night it one thing for Grandma to do whatever she wants. - But every Monday, on a routine schedule ALL day......I think it should be expecgted that you follow the baby's schedule and the basics of the parents 'rules' .......I'm not saying micromanage down to wearing the blue pants vs. the pink ones - but nap times, food, bottle, bniky etc etc - those are things that are important - Whether you're paying Grandma or not -
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| Posted 9/27/12 3:00 PM |
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rkl1130
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 1476 total posts
Name:
Rose Ann
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
We did. My MIL rarely babysits DD (my parents usually do this) because she's flaky and takes one of those "devil may care" attitudes (DH complains that there was no discipline in the house growing up), so we actually sat down and gave her a list of rules and what to do and what not to do. DH made it clear to her that if in any way she were to endanger DD or let her do something inappropriate, she wasn't going to really see her anymore much less babysit.
I know it sounds harsh, but it's what we had to do.
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| Posted 9/27/12 3:20 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
My MIL watches DS one day and my FIL watches DS one day and he is in daycare 3 days. Everyone has our basic schedule/rules. It is loose because we are very loose when it comes to a schedule. But we are not there so I would never know if one of them is doing something different.
While I agree with giving general rules I would not micromanage them cause in the end you are not there and would never know if you MIL lets your child nap on her etc.
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| Posted 9/27/12 3:22 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
We did. I typed and printed them up.
I know older people think they know all, but times have changed.
same here. It wasn't always followed, but oh well. I figured it would make things easier for them to have a guideline as far as the schedule goes.
Message edited 9/27/2012 3:58:33 PM.
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| Posted 9/27/12 3:58 PM |
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Hemicat
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/11 408 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Thanks for your responses. I def. don't want to micromanage but she makes all of these comments about how we do things that make me wonder if she's just going to do what she thinks is right, you know? Thanks again. 
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| Posted 9/27/12 4:18 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
I don't want to scare you, but.. My MIL is the nanny to my SIL. My SIL is a SAHM mom, but she still likes to get out a lot. Anyway, when I used to go out with my MIL and nephew, my MIL would tell me about the rules set for her when babysitting and let me know that she does what she wants anyway. So, even if you set rules it doesn't mean they will be followed.
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| Posted 9/27/12 4:32 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by computergirl
I am a SAHM and thus have no experience with this, but-- I will say, if the day comes where I offer to do my DIL a BIG favor and commit myself to babysitting for free every Monday, and she comes back to me with a list of "rules"... well, that will be the day she starts researching daycares and I plan a new standing Monday lunch date with my friends
Just saying, if it's not a genuine safety concern, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It seems really ungrateful.
I sort of agree. My MIL DOES watch my DS one day a week and I am very lax with her much more so than I know most moms would be and honestly more than I WANT to be but feel that since she is doing us a big favor I need to zip it and let her do her thing.
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| Posted 9/27/12 4:59 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by Hemicat
Thanks for your responses. I def. don't want to micromanage but she makes all of these comments about how we do things that make me wonder if she's just going to do what she thinks is right, you know? Thanks again.
oh she will that is EXACTLY what my MIL does. I try to let it roll off my back bc it is one day and DS spends MUCH more time with us so obviously what we say will have a much bigger impact 
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| Posted 9/27/12 5:01 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
My MIL was watching DS and I thought my rules were being followed. Turns out ( my SIL) told me what was really happening! Ds was spoiled beyond repair, among other things. Turned out, She did not give a u know what about my rules . When it comes to MIL's , just assume they are doing what they want.
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| Posted 9/27/12 5:11 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by Saphire01
I don't want to scare you, but.. My MIL is the nanny to my SIL. My SIL is a SAHM mom, but she still likes to get out a lot. Anyway, when I used to go out with my MIL and nephew, my MIL would tell me about the rules set for her when babysitting and let me know that she does what she wants anyway. So, even if you set rules it doesn't mean they will be followed.
Yes I knew this was true! Mil will tell you whatever you want to hear Seriously, they do what they want as soon as you bounce. Be prepared to lose control
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| Posted 9/27/12 5:14 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by Onemoretime
Posted by Saphire01
I don't want to scare you, but.. My MIL is the nanny to my SIL. My SIL is a SAHM mom, but she still likes to get out a lot. Anyway, when I used to go out with my MIL and nephew, my MIL would tell me about the rules set for her when babysitting and let me know that she does what she wants anyway. So, even if you set rules it doesn't mean they will be followed.
Yes I knew this was true! Mil will tell you whatever you want to hear Seriously, they do what they want as soon as you bounce. Be prepared to lose control
Same thing with my mil- she does what she wants & lies about it. She doesn't babysit often thank goodness. MIL's mother was a nanny for many years & she used to tell me that the parents used to give her a list of rules & she would nod her head in agreement but the minute they left, she did what she wanted. She was proud of it so I made a mental note to never leave my DC with her. Very disrespectful, imo.
Op, I would give her your list of the important rules & go over them with her & let go of the minor ones & see what happens. Hopefully she can respect your rules as a mom if not. If not, I wouldn't turn it into a fight or anything but I'd prob beg my own mom to help out the extra day 
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| Posted 9/27/12 5:55 PM |
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by summerBaby10
Posted by Onemoretime
Posted by Saphire01
I don't want to scare you, but.. My MIL is the nanny to my SIL. My SIL is a SAHM mom, but she still likes to get out a lot. Anyway, when I used to go out with my MIL and nephew, my MIL would tell me about the rules set for her when babysitting and let me know that she does what she wants anyway. So, even if you set rules it doesn't mean they will be followed.
Yes I knew this was true! Mil will tell you whatever you want to hear Seriously, they do what they want as soon as you bounce. Be prepared to lose control
Same thing with my mil- she does what she wants & lies about it. She doesn't babysit often thank goodness. MIL's mother was a nanny for many years & she used to tell me that the parents used to give her a list of rules & she would nod her head in agreement but the minute they left, she did what she wanted. She was proud of it so I made a mental note to never leave my DC with her. Very disrespectful, imo.
Op, I would give her your list of the important rules & go over them with her & let go of the minor ones & see what happens. Hopefully she can respect your rules as a mom if not. If not, I wouldn't turn it into a fight or anything but I'd prob beg my own mom to help out the extra day
Yep, mine did what she wanted and lied to me non-stop. Now she does not even see DS. I do not think that it is micromanaging for me to ask MIL to be more careful about her pills falling out of her pockets or to ask her not to use her wonderful secret method of putting on a diaper b/c all she is doing is making them leak and ruining sheets and clothing. If DS was not done with his bottle in a few minutes she took it away. He was starving when I got home. He ate very slowly. I WAS pretty lax but I learned that if I said that exact opposite of what I wanted then she did it the way I really wanted. So there was obviously an ego battle and a new mom does not need that. I regret having her babysit.
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| Posted 9/27/12 6:45 PM |
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BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
It really depends too on how in touch you find any caregiver.
When my MIL saw a jar of baby food and thought it was for my school-aged child- that's when I knew to limit childcare.
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| Posted 9/27/12 7:25 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
When the were babies I wrote down their daily schedule when she woud watch them. It was more of a guideline then "the rules" My mom did pretty much everything I wanted, my MIL did what she felt was right. She learned pretty quick (schedule deviation turned my older DS into a beast) that MY ways worked for MY chidren and came on board.  Now that my boys are older I don't really tell my mom or MIL anything. I remind them of nap time and bed time and that's it. I trust them to handle things.
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| Posted 9/27/12 8:12 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
Posted by computergirl
Just saying, if it's not a genuine safety concern, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It seems really ungrateful.
I agree. I am a SAHM now, but when DS was 3m-7m my ILs watched him FT (5 days a week) then from 7m until 16m they watched him 3 days a week.
I didnt set rules, i tried to give them teh basics. Did they do everything MY way? No, Did I always agree/like the way they did things? No. But I chose to pick which battles were most important to fight.
For example, when Ds was smaller they would HOLD him for his nap. Then on the weekends he wouldnt nap. I would literally call my MIL every weekend and when she would ask about DS I would make sure to point out that he was cranky bc he wasnt sleepign because I wouldnt hold him during his nap like she did, because I had other stuff I needed to do during nap time. It took some time but she got the point.
However I put my foot down when FIL kept asking about turning DS's car seat FF prior to a year because he seemed unhappy and squashed. To me that was a safety issue and one I was NOT willing to bed on.
Even though you mom knows your routine, doesnt mean she is going to follow it to a T. I felt like I was blessed to have people caring for DS who loved him almost as much as I do, and for FREE. They werent my employees, they were his grandparents.
IMO, If I just wanted people who did exactly what I said to do when I said to do it, I should HIRE someone to do that as a job. Just how I looked at it when I was in that position.
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| Posted 9/27/12 10:25 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
We typed up a one page sheet.... Had the schedules and some things we were following, plus our numbers and pediatrician number/address tooo.. We used it the week IL's split up watching ds before he started daycare, and whenever they came to watch him when he was little.
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| Posted 9/27/12 10:59 PM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: BTDT moms: MIL babysitting??
My MIL lives in FL, but when she'd come up for a visit, she'd watch my DS instead of my mom. I wrote out his feeding times, nap times, when he should poop, how much formula/oatmeal to use, etc. That was helpful, just because it's hard to remember it all.
My mom watches DS during the week. On the weekends, we keep the same routine she established during the weekdays (as set by my sons preferences). My mom didn't put my son on a schedule, he did it himself. We stuck to the same routine, so that Mondays would be easier for my mom.
When my MIL would visit and watch my son, that routine frustrated her and made her feel like we were micromanaging her and didn't trust her. Three years later, they still think this. However, this is what works best for my son, and he has thrived on his own little routine.
If you want to try to stick to a basic routine as to feeding times, nap times, etc. then it's best for you and your DH to present it as a united front.
If you and your DH talk to her about what you want done (and not done), then it's not coming solely from you either. My DH handles most discussions with his parents, but it's about how we, as our son's parents, want things to be done.
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| Posted 9/28/12 10:02 AM |
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