please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

humor me! commiserate! anything!

dd is 3.5. For the most part she is a good girl but cut a sandwich when she wants it whole, put a dress on that has a button on it, or try to brush her teeth when she is taking too long, and its a major melt down.

i would say we noticed an increased volume of melt downs, tantrums, moodiness and back talk in the past 3 months, but 6 months overall. She whines over EVERYTHING.

we have a 1 year old ds. I try to make sure i am dividing my time and showing her enough attention. We've even taken her to the movies alone for some one on one time.

I feel like i dont know what to do. I would say i am most stressed in the morning when i am try to get everyone out of the house. i am late for work everyday. Some mornings, things go mildly smooth, other times, she goes off the deep end. also stressed at night when i come home . i arrive around 7:15 and i hit the ground running between dinner, bath every other night, and getting them to sleep at a reasonable hour. She goes to bed by 10pm on average which i HATE!! maybe 9:30 on a good night if i can get everything done. its the best i can do.

i do time outs, i speak calmly and fimly, sometimes i will try to be funny ( cant always do that when i am trying to get the eff out of the house), ive done the scary mommy yelling thing. When she is in her mood, thats it.

i would never harm my child. i will not spank her b.c i think it will be ineffective and i dont want to spank when i am enraged with anger.

i always follow through with a punishment. if i warn her that she will not get xyz or not go xyz or threaten to be sent to time out, it is followed through. we dont do empty threats.

she can be so good though! what do i do?? is this the age? do you recmd any books?

sorry so long

please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I just wrote a whole response but it didn't go through..

My DD will be 3 next week. She acts much the same way, doing this horrible whiny screaming when things don't go her way (for ex. when DH puts her to bed but she wants me to). I don't usually punish her for it, unless she's out of control. If i'm not in the mood to listen to her (usually) then i'll tell her she can choose to act like a baby and scream/cry/tantrum, but she can do it in her room. If she chooses to act like the big girl she is, she can stay out and play with me.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

DS got worse at 3. He turned 3 in May. I also have a 1 yr old who is so good. I do feel like I spend a lot of my time trying to humor and keep my toddler happy b.c he can have a melt down as well.
He is not aggressive st all, but starting to lightly push his brother. He also loves him, but more pushing now.
If I give him a Cars cup he has a fit b.c he wants the Toy Story cup.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

YES. DD2 is exactly how you described your DD to be. When she's good, she's great. When she's bad, it's horrific.

We respond pretty much how you described. We follow through on every threat/punishment, etc, and are very consistent.

I've been through the same thing with my 2 other kids, so I can say that if you hang in there, it will get better, I promise!!

My DD has some major speech issues, so I think some of her behavior comes from how frustrated she is that no one understands her.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

My DS is 6 and still like this. I have spanked and it does nothing except make me feel bad, so I stopped.

I just take it one day at a time because it is emotionally draining.

My DS did the same thing with the clothes. What has worked actually for both my kids were I let them either pick the top or bottom and I got to pick the opposite that way they had a say and they matched . I would do that the night before. You could also make outfits, bundle each one with a rubber band and then put them in her draw. Tell her to pick a bundle and get dressed. She gets to pick what she wants.

One thing that really did help, when I remembered to stick with it was a sticker chart. He loves them and responds well to them. I would go to the dollar store and buy a whole bunch of things. Then put them in a container that she can't see through and let her blinding pick something out when she reaches her weekly goal.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Message edited 8/22/2012 1:59:20 PM.

please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

thanks ladies!!!! these response help! i've actually been thinking about doing a sticker chart with happy /frown faces to document her behavior.i like the idea of picking something from the bin.

jersey mom-how did you determine if she gets the reward or not? t hree stikes in a 7 day span= no reward?

carolyncupcakes- thanks!! it gives me hope!

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Yup, my 3 yo ds can be pretty awful. We have tried everything andhe is the way he is. I hope things get easier for you ( and me!) as the kids approach 4. Ds is late for school every day bc he takes his sweet time doing lord knows what. If I were working I would have been fired by now

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Did I just write this?

DS#1 is 3yrs8mnths (DS#2 is 2yrs5mnths). We are dealing with the same thing. I am at a lose and would love some advice also. EVERYTHING is a struggle and he whines even talking.

This past week I started doing time outs everytime he whines. I just can't take the whining anymore. He flipped out but it's only been a few days and when he starts to whine I say "Are you whining" and he'll say no and he'll ask me in a nice voice. We're starting to make progress there but everything else is a struggle.

I'm constantly yelling now and would love to know others advice too.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I worked in daycare for years and I swear 3 was the hardest age group! Terrible 2 is nothing compared to tantrum 3! Is she sleeping enough? 10 pm may be too late for her, maybe try rolling back bedtime to 8:30-9:00. I also like a reward chart for her age because at 3 they can understand incentives. I would probably start small like a chart for the morning, brushing teeth, hair, putting on clothes, eating breakfast.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Yes its terrible 3's no one warns you about. lol

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I wouldn’t say 3 was ‘bad’ but it was/is more challenging then anything we’ve done before and 4 is just around the corner and I don’t feel its going to get any better.

What I learned: Choices

She needs to have choices. Every day at home, she is given a choice of what she will wear. I pick out two things (quickly, no dawdling or she’ll lose it) and matter of factly say “This or this, pick” and she’ll pick one. Not nicely, sometimes she’ll just gesture or she’ll yank it out of my hands or throw something at the set she wants. We are working on that.

I don’t give choices on food, .. feast or famine my small friend.

Tantrums in public are not tolerated. In her 3rd year there has been plenty of physical removal from all types of places. Stern shakes, deep stares, low voices and the word “enough” was said plenty of times.

I have had to learn patience. I only explode after several attempts to be clear. These days I ask nicely a few times with please and she’ll come around, but I have to wait her out. If not, well lets just say I am minority here on discipline, but she gets the point and has actually learned very well with clear reasoning. She even tells others what she has learned. Listening is very important (according to AJ).

Time outs don’t work as well. I put her there, or she’ll put herself there. Either way she’ll stay until SHE feels like it and she tries to leave on her own. I say no and it starts all over again. She has learned he/she who puts her in Time out is the only one who let her out of it.

I ask for her input on just about EVEYRTHING. If she gives a ‘meh’ type of reply, I’ll give her an A or B assertive choice. I’m going to cut this in two this way ok, or do you want it this way? No answer. Ok I’ll just cut it this way because AJ said so. Usually she’ll blow up and say “NO I want it that way” or she’ll shrug it off, but its crisis diverted.

I believe honestly that a lot of it has to do with the ability to clearly express herself, her wishes and her wants. She is learning the world doesn’t just wait for her commands. She becomes frustrated with being able to get what she wants and expressing herself correctly. She tries to be bigger than she is and I need to not think of her as my baby. I make her responsible for her actions and choices. I don’t baby her as much as I’d like. You fall on your face, don’t expect me to pick you up. I will give the look of “I told you so” and yes I *DO* expect you to say “I’ll be more careful”. She’s give a lot of freedoms but also a lot more rules.

So far, its working


ETA: 10pm just works for some kids. AJ is one. She’d go to bed at 10 all on her own. I don’t fight it. Never wanted to, but yeah I tried. Now she’ll get up and walk off at 9:30 and say “I’m going to bed” sure kiddo, good night. Sure, we will have to go in with her but she’s out in 10mins or less. Some nights lately she’ll even surprise us with sleep around 8:30 or so (if she skips a nap). Going to bed any earlier than 10pm was NIGHTMARISH! She’d fall asleep at 7 or 8 then wake up at 2, 3, 4 am god help me. I hated it. I hated myself, I hated our life, I hated being a mom. That put a quick end to that. The whole house is much more peaceful with her going to bed at 10. Both my husband and I are night owls so its no surprise she is too. Hubby and I have always and still stay up to 12pm or 1 and wake up at 7 without trouble. She’ll go to bed now around 9:30 and wake up at 7:30. If it gives you hope she’s been getting earlier and earlier as she gets older.

Message edited 8/10/2012 5:26:24 PM.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

what about a 2 year old??? My daughter just threw a huge fit! Screaming, crying, kicking, lying on the floor, foaming at the mouth (literally) - she looked like an insane person. She's also really white and turned purple from screaming!
So wehn i got up to the apartment i put her in her room b/c i knew screaming at her wouldn't help. I left her in her room for about 5 minutes and then I spoke to her in a stern voice for a few minutes that she shouldn't scream like that etc. But how long am i supposed to stay mad at her? Because now she's sitting on the lfoor playing wiht her sister who is 8 months. But she won't get any shows tonight.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I am going through something similar with my three year old. She will be four in September. She can be so, so difficult and gets upset over the simplest things. Everyday when dh gets home, she likes him to ring the bell, she hides, then he pretends to find her. It's adorable, but if he forgets to ring the bell, it could be a fifteen minute hysterical tantrum. That is one of many stories I have! My mornings are rough too. I actually created a weekly checklist for morning routines on Word. It says: I brushed my teeth, I got dressed all by myself, I ate all my breakfast and I got my backpack ready. Let's just hope it works come September!

please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Ok i feel better..... my 3yo is getting smart he demands your attention when you're on the phone. He got in trouble for hitting me so I turned off the tv and then spit at me so he went to his room (no toys there) but I feel like he doesn't get it. He always says sorry and then I spoke to him that sorry means you won't do it again. so now he says sorry i won't do it again..... Thank God he's cute!
Maybe i'll try the reward chart
Glad to know i'm not alone

Message edited 8/10/2012 8:55:06 PM.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I dont have much advice to add except that DS will be 3 in october. and everyone told me when he turned 2 that threes are worse. and i see it starting sometimes.

like your DD he's particular about things, wants to do everything himself but gets easily frustrated if he cant..but doesnt want help.

I guess just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully we come out of it alive.

Re: please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

I don't have much advice at all. I have tried everything with my 3.5 year old. My DS has always been difficult but it got so much worse when he turned 3.
We always say DS is like the commerical for Sour patch kids. Not sure if anyone knows what I'm talking about. The little sourpatch kid walks up to a little girl and cuts her pony tail. Then when she gets upset, he gives her a big hug. Sour then Sweet.
My DS can be so good and sweet at times and then can be absoultly awful at other times. Tantrums, hitting, biting. Time outs do nothing unless he starts crying. If he doesn't get upset he just acts up while in time out. If he is really upset about it and cries, then he will come out of time out and will listen. Anything can set him off.
I think the worst is that he knows what pushes my buttons. He is smart and alot of times knows what he is doing. Which makes me even more mad.

please talk to me about your 3 year old. Are they awful?

Omg my DD will be 3 September..... thank u!!! I am not alone!!!!