In laws and DC

Just wondering if I overreacted to a situation, because my in laws were here from PA for four days and only saw my babies for 2 hours and only because we had a wedding and they needed to babysit for us,otherwise they wouldn't of came to see them at all. My babies are their only grandchildren, so you would think they would want to spend time with them. I'm so disappointed and upset, that they just don't care, so I said something to them about it and now a huge fight broke out. I'm so done and I'm not going to force anyone to be in my children's life.

So, my question is....How often does your in laws see your DC and do you think I was wrong for saying anything?

In laws and DC

I'm curious - what was their explanation when you said something? my inlaws live in our area so they see DS once or twice a week

In laws and DC

Unfortunately, DH parents are no longer living. I've never met my mother in law, but was extremely close with my father in law. We saw him ALL the time, he was very involved, and in his 80's!!! As far as my parents, that's a different story. My father always blamed me for my kids not being in his life, yet he made no effort. We no longer speak. My parents are divorced. My mother helps when she can, but does put other things in front of me and her grandchildren(her only), it's just the way she is. It used to bother me(I'm still learning not to have the expectations that I'll have/do/be with my children from anyone)

It is important that you said something, but that's all you can do. If that's all they are willing to give, look at it as their loss. Your children won't be hurt or affected necessarily, because it'll be all they know. You as their parent are the most essential part of their lives. Don't hold your children over them and when they ask to visit, if it works in your schedule, let them visit. If they never ask, continue to invite, but don't go out of your way. Unfortunately I don't believe there is anything else you can you, it's your feelings against theirs. You said what you felt, rightfully so. Just move on and give those cuties a hug!

Edit:spelling

Message edited 8/5/2012 8:43:32 AM.

Re: In laws and DC

My mil has only see my older dd twice and never seen my youngest dd! I can count on one hand the amount of times she has called since my girls were born. In fact she never even called to congratulate us for our second dd she only sent a text message. I prefer she stays away. According to my daughters they only have one grandma my mom! She doesn't care to be in their life and sometimes it's bothers me but more often I'm happy about it!

Re: In laws and DC

My MIL lives around the corner from my mom, so she sees DS several times a week and babysits every other Saturday night or so.

My FIL sounds like your in laws. He and his wife live in Florida and have their own lives - rightful so.

DS will be 2 in Sept and they've seen him 3 times.

They drive up to PA for the summer months and have never made an effort to come see him. When he was born they came for 1 day and left 3 hours later to go back and go to dinner with their neighbors. DH asked his father to stay or to at least come back another day before they left for FL, but FIL said it was too much for them.

We all went to Fl last year for Thanksgiving to see them - my SIL and her family - who live in Seattle. They couldn't be bothered with their grandchildren for more than one day before they were complaining of the mess they were making (they weren't making anything more than a typical kid mess, which my SIL and I were controlling as best we could), they couldn't understand they needed naps at certain hours, they got annoyed that we didn;t eat dinner EVERY night at the same time. They went about their normal daily routines (shopping, swimming, golf etc) as if we weren't there. They didn't want to take the kids anywhere because they said they weren't old enough - umm since when does the park have an age limit.

They practical rushed us to the airport on the last day.

DH gets upset but he's getting over it slowly since the trip to Florida. He tells him they can come and visit whenever they want, since they are retired and have no commitments to important things.

They say they don't have the time or the money but they cruise 3 times a year (once is at Christmas time) They missed DS's baptism because they went on a cruise that week. They booked it knowing that we were going to plan it that month. Instead of calling to ask when, they booked THAN asked.

I was over it long before DH, I could care less if they are a part of DS's life - they are the ones that are missing out.

Re: In laws and DC

MIL is in FL
never sees our kids.
We took first baby to see her at 12 mos, then at 19 mos.

that was it.
never came to see us or has never met my 2.5 year old

dh called her and invited her on vacation with us this summer...she blew him off.

he offered to fly her in for christmas...she asked about her boyfriend.

not sure why we would have to fly him up as well.
ha...esp when my own mother has greyhounded it to my house before to save a few bucks.

oh yeah, we bought mil a car 4 years ago...it really is just gas money she would have had to come up with.

Re: In laws and DC

Re: In laws and DC

my ILs are obssessed with DS. They see him each weekend for the whole day (12-14 hrs) and also demand daily updates and skype calls at least once a week (and they live walking distance from us) they couldn't see him this weekend because MIL is sick and there have been phone calls all day. We make our weekend plans around these visits, which is very annoying sometimes.

i think you had every right to say something. these are their only grandchildren of their only son!

my friend's family is like yours. her parents live upstate and there have been times when they would come down for a friends party or event and not even see their grandson. however, i know that they still are uncomfortable with their daughter's choice of husband or grandson's coloring. (they have a close minded off the boat mentality. her husband is black, her son has a beautiful caramel complexion. her dad will never forgive her. )

Re: In laws and DC

Put it this way, My DS is almost 14 months and my wonderful and very involved MIL has seen him 3 times his entire life. Oh and she lives in the state. I'm sorry that you were disappointed.

In laws and DC

My ILs live 5 minutes away and have seen my DS 3-4 times in 14 months. We haven't spoken to eachother since December. My mil has some serious issues (she's insane.) and fil just goes along with her.

In laws and DC

I totally think you had every right to say something! I hope things change for the better. My IL's live out of state (Texas) and they see DD almost every other month. The longest stretch was 4 months. They are in a position to travel frequently so they usually come up here or we fly down to them. When they are visiting they are all over DD the entire time they are here and often try to kick us out so they can get alone time. We also facetime with them once or twice a week. I'd be really offended if I were you and would also have said something!

Re: In laws and DC

It definitely makes me feel better I did the right thing by saying something to them. I'm just so tired of the BS. I'm so sorry to hear that so many grand parents don't see their grandchildren. It really is shame, but it's their lose not ours. It's just too bad that they miss out on such priceless memories.

Re: In laws and DC

My ILs live 5 min away and see my DCs at least 1-2x per week.
My parents live 5+hrs upstate and they see them once every 5-6wks but they Skype and talk on the phone 1-2x per week plus she mails them little cards/books/stickers every few weeks, too. We have friends of the family staying with us right now (I consider them an adopted set of parents), and they also like to see my DCs at least 4-5x per year.
As my mom says, When you really want to see someone, you find a way to make it happen.
I'm sorry you were disappointed.

Message edited 8/5/2012 11:35:40 PM.

Re: In laws and DC

I have learned the hard way that you can not make anyone be involved in your childs life. Even when grandparents live in the same town, some make zero effort to see some of their grandkids.

I know it sucks that they had no interest, but try to concentrate on those that DO take an interest. No one, even a grandparent ....can be forced to be involved in their grandchilds life. I have come to accept that those that choose to not show an interest are the ones loosing out.

This has become my new motto:

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Message edited 8/6/2012 1:42:10 AM.

Re: In laws and DC

My parents live about 8 hours away in western NY. They will only come down with an invite, so we try to make that invite every 6-7 weeks, so they can be part of our DDs life. It was rough at the beginning, but now that she is a toddler and more active, it's easier on all of us when they stay with us.

My ILs live around the corner and take care of DD everyday.

You had the right to say something if it was bothering you and I carry the same motto of those PPs. The people who want to be part of your DCs life will make an effort to do so. The rest of them be damned.

Re: In laws and DC

My inlaws are very involved in my kids lives. They are always willing to help and come over to see them whenever they can. My dad is in NC and doesn't see the kids. However, he wasn't that involved when he did live here. He would come over for 10 minutes at a clip, then i guess he had enough so he would leave. It used to bother me more than it does now. But my kids have enough family around and our friends that love them and they love. I'm not going to force anyone to want to spend time with my kids. If they really wanted to, they would find a way to do it.