BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Any of my other BTDT moms want to start a list of helpful tips/advice for the new moms-to-be? Not just the typical "what to put on a registry" stuff; real tips and advice on life with a newborn? Looking back, I realized that what helped most was that I had a group of supportive mamas that I knew I could go to for tips and advice.

I personally would love to hear from BTDT moms of 2+ and get some survival tips

Message edited 6/18/2012 11:25:56 AM.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Talk to people, especially about your struggles. You'll get a lot of unsolicited advice but you never know who is gonna give you the piece that actually helps you.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

You don't have to listen to EVERYthing your doctors say. Trust your gut sometimes.

Journal. You forget so much, it goes as fast as "they" say it does.

Seriously, try to sleep when the baby sleeps.

Don't try to predetermine too much, you'll learn to be flexible and follow the babies lead (ie schedules, sleep routines, etc)

Don't compare yourself to ANYone or beat yourself up about ANYthing. We all parent our own way and we all have moments of awesomeness and we all make mistakes.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Whoever started the rumor that "BFing the most natural thing in the world" should be found and beaten mercilessly. For me, it was HARD, and there was nothing natural about it. It's a skill that has to be learned... but it was also absolutely worth the fight.

Take naps. Shower. Eat. Let everything else go to hell during the first few weeks.

Snuggle with your newborn. Smell their hair, kiss them, touch their skin. You can't spoil a baby by holding them too much... and in another year, they're going to be off and running.

Make Mommy friends. Your CF friends might be the best, most empathetic, most amazing people on the planet... but moms still need each other, and understand in a way a CF person probably can't.

Ask for advice if you need it. These little creatures do not come with instructions. When all else fails, a good cry helps.

^ That said, don't assume anyone else (your Mom, MIL, ped, whoever) know best all the time. Trust your gut. They may have more experience with babies, but YOU have the most experience with your baby.

Buy/borrow some kind of baby carrier. Having two hands free is amazing.

Try not to sweat it if your pregnancy weight doesn't magically disappear overnight. It took 9 months to get this way; give yourself some time and patience. Even if you never look the same again, it's ok. You just built a person! That's magical enough.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old so i'll play

1- Have an idea of the kind of parent you want to be. Do you want to breast feed? Do you want to cloth diaper? Do you want to baby wear? Do you want to formula feed? When do you want to start solids? How do you feel about CIO and or co-sleeping or bed sharing? Now remember this and be the mom YOU want to be. My biggest regret with my 1st is I let people change my mind because I was just so tired and grasping for help. By #2 I didn't read a book and I do what feels natural. Don't judge someone because you might be the mom cloth diapering and co-sleeping when 6 months ago you would have said never

2-Give yourself a break. Chances are you are throwing yourself into your child(ren) and your spouse, but YOU deserve some credit and a break now and then. Be kind to yourself. You just had a baby. Allow yourself some ice cream, a hot bath, whatever.....for goodness sake breath!

3-Try to really soak in a moment. Like really really take it in and memorize it. For me it is different with both kids, but when the day is hard, long, and never ending I remember those moments and it brings me back to a more simple time. Plus it goes so so so fast that realizing you are in a precious time helps you really feel it. One of my best moments was with my son at 3am after a feeding when he was 3wks old. We were snuggled on the couch for sleep and I realized this would end sooner then I wanted. I was exhausted, sore and spent, but I spent the next 20 minutes really memorizing how he looked, how he smelled, the peace I felt. Hands down one of my best memories EVER.

4- You don't need everything. You will survive with less then you think and everything you had to have may be things you never need. They may also become the things you desperately need for #2

5- Get out of the house! Even if it's to run for a muffin or the post office. GET OUT! That quick errand will break up your day!

6- Ask for help and advice, but remember asking doesn't mean you will do. When you talk to people you will learn new things and it may make you decide to look into something.

7- YOU are the parent. I don't give a rats asss that your mom raised 2 kids, or that your grandmother raised 4. These are YOUR kids. YOU set the tone, YOU set the rules, and trust me they can smell fear. Stand firm and decide what you'll take a hard line on. Let the rest go and save your energy for the BIG fight. You'll have one at some point...most do, and YOU are NOT wrong.

8- Lastly remember you were a wife before you were a mother. Plan a nice at home date night once a month if you can't get out. That is important.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

To the pp who said bf is hard...its true. If you plan on doing it, know that it takes a few Weeks to get into the grove. Takea napa day while the baby is sleeping and use the other time to do stuff. Take a walk with the baby.
And biggest thing for me...eat breakfast and get washed and dressed before your spouse leaves for work. You'll better about yourself if your are not in your sweats all day.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Start as you mean to go on. No, you cannot spoil a newborn BUT they also don't tell you WHEN you can start spoiling them. From day one, I put DD down to sleep in a crib, not in my arms. She was never in my bed. If she was crying and I was in the shower - I finished what i was doing before getting her. Rocking a newborn to sleep is super cute, rocking a toddler to sleep for hours on end and repeating several times each night - not so cute, so I avoided it from the beginning.

Don't put too much weight on every single decision. Every moment is NOT just a chance to psychologically scar your child. If he hears you yell at your DH ONCE a month, you are not going to have to pay his therapy bills. If she sees you have a breakdown and sob hysterically over dirty dishes, its not going to ruin her life. . . people make mistakes, move on.

Make goals for the day. My goals included, taking a shower, eating three meals, taking a nap but also taking DD outside, reading some books, tummy time, etc. My goals helped me from sitting on the couch and watching Teen Mom for hours on end.

BFing is hard, but its worth it.

People who give advice MEAN WELL, they are NOT saying you are a terrible mother they are just GIVING ADVICE BECAUSE THEY CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. If you dont like it, smile, nod and be gracious. If you do like it, feel free to use it!

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Very well said -I agree with everyone of your points and did the same with mine!

Message edited 6/18/2012 8:23:16 AM.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

My best advice - do not have a plan. That goes for everything, birth, once you get home with the baby etc.

There is nothing worse than having this grand picture in your head of how everything will go and then when it actually happens, it was nothing like you expected or prepared yourself for. Take it minute by minute and go with the flow. Trust your doctors, support etc and just ride the wave!

Once you are home - let the baby sleep wherever the baby will sleep. It is just as important for mom and dad to get sleep so if the baby ONLY sleeps in the swing, let him/her sleep in the swing.

Every baby is different. That goes for everything. Weight, how much they eat, how many times they poop per day, how long they sleep and how often, how fussy or calm etc. Don't stress if your baby is not like your friends "dream" baby

Ask for help! If you need it, ask for it.

Get out of the house early and often! Go for walks or leave the baby with family and just get out. Go for dinner with your husband. Take some time alone.

Lastly, trust your gut! Your motherly instinct will kick in and you won't even have a clue that it has. If something seems off, get it checked out

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

I agree with everyone. I want to add that your child will love you NO MATTER WHAT! Try your best and you can't mess up. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Whether you BF or you don't, if you are a SAHM or a working mom, it doesn't matter. Whatever routine you establish with your DC and your family will be the RIGHT routine and enjoy it!

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

This was always helpful for me – be flexible! Remember that things are always changing and a decision you make today will not mean forever. So if you want to have your baby sleep in your room or in your bed – that doesn’t mean you will have a 2-year old sleeping in your room or your bed. If your baby is a terrible sleeper for one month, that doesn’t mean you will have a terrible sleeper in two months. If your baby only naps on you – that doesn’t mean you will always have a baby napping on you. It’s so easy to get stuck in that moment and think nothing will ever change, but when you look back you’ll realize how quickly everything changes. This from a BTDT that mom who swore her DS would never be in the bed – he slept in our bed, but has been in his own bed, in his own room since he was a year old. I preached cloth diapers – that lasted 4 months. My son only napped in the stroller for months, now he happily naps in his bed and had no issues with his nap when he started daycare at 18-months (even though I was convinced I screwed him up by letting him nap in the stroller).

I also second what others are saying about bf’ing. I honestly thought there was nothing more natural about bf’ing and assumed after birth my baby would latch right on and that’s the end of it. It’s a skill that you and your baby need to learn. It’s amazing and wonderful but it only works with lots of support and encouragement - and culturally our society is not that into breastfeeding, so if you plan to do it – surround yourself with people who will support your choice. I joined the local LLL in my community, even though I initially assumed they would be way more into bf’ing than me – but I was surprised to find down to earth moms struggling with the same issues.

And never criticize other mom’s decisions. CIO or don’t, BF or FF – who cares, work or stay at home, day care or nanny, co-sleep or crib, cloth diaper or disposable – we all have our reasons for making our choices and what we need most of our mommy community is encouragement and support, not judgment – because I can promise you that you will over think every parenting decision you make with or without others input!

And my last thought… someone mentioned the notion of passivity of pregnancy. This resonated for me. I mention this because I think if there are moms out there who want a different birth experience - take an active role in pursing that! Birth is an incredible experience whether it’s natural or via c-section, I think it’s so important to be an active participant in the decisions made about your body and your baby (which is very hard with our current medical community). I wish I had been a more active participant in some of the choices that were made for me and my DS during my first pregnancy.

Re: BTDT: want to give tips to the newbies?

Be flexible. Plans are nice, but BTDT moms laugh when they hear how rigid some moms-to-be can be.

If you plan on BF, have formula samples and washed bottles on hand. It's better to have them. I had the plan on never bottle feeding til my child was 6 weeks old. He came home from the hospital before I did. My one rigid plan was gone.

TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!! One thing I have heard over and over again is how every mom expects her husband to understand everything she is thinking. HE DOESN'T!!!!! So open your mouth and talk. And don't talk to him like he's an idiot. He is scared and clueless, just like you.

Don't feel like sex after being 6 weeks postpartum? Doesn't mean you should still neglect his parts.

Hold your baby, love your baby, the cleaning can wait.

ASK FOR HELP! We all need it at some point.