Did he really ask me that????

So I came out at work and it was awesome!! Everyone was cheering and congratulating me... Even my boss gave me a big congratulations and a hug.. that was last week.

Then yesterday, my boss called me about something unrelated (we dont work in the same office) and he brought up the pregnancy again and said... just like this, I kid you not... "wow twins.. thats amazing. So did you use hormones?"

On what friggin planet is that an appropriate question???? DH and I agreed that we wouldn't discuss it at work-it was a very personal choice and I struggled with it for a long time. Many of the people working there don't understand it and I personally didn't want to explain my private life to my work people especially when Im still coming to terms with it.... I prepared for every scenario..."Do tiwns run in your family, etc" I never in a million years thought I would get such a direct question from my boss nonetheless. So of course I fumbled through my answer because I was caught so off guard and I couldn't lie... and I just said uuhhhh yeah .... why do u ask.
!@#%$^$Y#!@!

I know he sensed that it wasnt appropriate and he made me so uncomfortable after the fact and he just said Im only asking because many people in my circle of freinds are going that route.. its so common these days, blah blah blah.. I just stopped talking.

Im so annoyed at him for prying like that.. Now I feel like since he knows, I have to come clean to everyone at work who asks.

Maybe Im just overly sensitive about it but I think it was totally uncalled for.

Some people!!

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Well, I regret saying anything NOW ... but when I had triplets I actually told a friend of mine at 6wks.. I know how early it was, but I was just so STUNNED and felt like telling someone hoping it would make it feel more real. She didn't know about my infertility history, but at that point asked if I had done IVF.

I think it's a rude thing to blatantly ask.. even though I did have triplets... A nice "congratulations" would have been enough!

ETA: If people ever ask me why I got a surrogate, my plan is to either A. be honest because I have nothing to be ashamed of or B. be like .. "I just didn't wanna get stretch marks!!!"

Message edited 4/13/2012 12:17:56 AM.

Re: Did he really ask me that????

People are so rude, right! I just posted about this last week on multiples. It's still on pg 1 and there are some amusing responses to the question.

Some random chick I was talking to at the OB just came right out and asked me. I felt so put on the spot. Then she said some stupid crap that really made me regret telling her.

I feel like maybe sometimes people are asking because they are curious and maybe going through the same thing, but most are just nosey.

Re: Did he really ask me that????

"I just didn't wanna get stretch marks!!!"

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Posted by PennyCat

ETA: If people ever ask me why I got a surrogate, my plan is to either A. be honest because I have nothing to be ashamed of or B. be like .. "I just didn't wanna get stretch marks!!!"

Re: Did he really ask me that????

i didn't end up with multiples so maybe im answering this naively, but IMO, that question from anyone wouldn't bother me at all. honestly, i find it more offensive that when you are pregnant with a singleton, everyone just assumes it happened easily unless they already know your backstory. people ONLY ask about fertility treatment if you are older or carrying multiples - meanwhile infertility is ridiculously common and no one likes to talk about it.

i tell anyone who will listen about my journey.. the reason people don't like to talk about it, and that it doesn't get the attention and research it deserves, is because people like to "keep it private." and then after the baby(ies) are here, it becomes just another part of the past since you are no longer focused on getting pregnant as fast as possible. IMO the more people talk about it and LOUDLY..the better for everyone in the future. so i LIKE to tell my story. if i had ended up with twins (both implanted but only one became a baby) i think i would've worn a big old bump shirt that said "ask me about my IVF" (actually i should've done that with my singleton anyway!!).

obviously you are entitled to keep your private life private, especially at work. and im not at all dissing your choice to not talk about it. i just think the more people that talk about it, the more voices we have together, the more likely research and insurance will change. if we are all silent the no one cares about the problem..

please don't call security, i will remove myself from my now

PS - sorry to bogart your post with my rant!!!

Message edited 4/14/2012 10:14:04 PM.

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Posted by FlowerWife

i didn't end up with multiples so maybe im answering this naively, but IMO, that question from anyone wouldn't bother me at all. honestly, i find it more offensive that when you are pregnant with a singleton, everyone just assumes it happened easily unless they already know your backstory. people ONLY ask about fertility treatment if you are older or carrying multiples - meanwhile infertility is ridiculously common and no one likes to talk about it.

i tell anyone who will listen about my journey.. the reason people don't like to talk about it, and that it doesn't get the attention and research it deserves, is because people like to "keep it private." and then after the baby(ies) are here, it becomes just another part of the past since you are no longer focused on getting pregnant as fast as possible. IMO the more people talk about it and LOUDLY..the better for everyone in the future. so i LIKE to tell my story. if i had ended up with twins (both implanted but only one became a baby) i think i would've worn a big old bump shirt that said "ask me about my IVF" (actually i should've done that with my singleton anyway!!).

obviously you are entitled to keep your private life private, especially at work. and im not at all dissing your choice to not talk about it. i just think the more people that talk about it, the more voices we have together, the more likely research and insurance will change. if we are all silent the no one cares about the problem..

please don't call security, i will remove myself from my now

PS - sorry to bogart your post with my rant!!!

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Posted by FlowerWife

i didn't end up with multiples so maybe im answering this naively, but IMO, that question from anyone wouldn't bother me at all. honestly, i find it more offensive that when you are pregnant with a singleton, everyone just assumes it happened easily unless they already know your backstory. people ONLY ask about fertility treatment if you are older or carrying multiples - meanwhile infertility is ridiculously common and no one likes to talk about it.

i tell anyone who will listen about my journey.. the reason people don't like to talk about it, and that it doesn't get the attention and research it deserves, is because people like to "keep it private." and then after the baby(ies) are here, it becomes just another part of the past since you are no longer focused on getting pregnant as fast as possible. IMO the more people talk about it and LOUDLY..the better for everyone in the future. so i LIKE to tell my story. if i had ended up with twins (both implanted but only one became a baby) i think i would've worn a big old bump shirt that said "ask me about my IVF" (actually i should've done that with my singleton anyway!!).

obviously you are entitled to keep your private life private, especially at work. and im not at all dissing your choice to not talk about it. i just think the more people that talk about it, the more voices we have together, the more likely research and insurance will change. if we are all silent the no one cares about the problem..

please don't call security, i will remove myself from my now

PS - sorry to bogart your post with my rant!!!

Re: Did he really ask me that????

Posted by Otherme

Posted by FlowerWife

i didn't end up with multiples so maybe im answering this naively, but IMO, that question from anyone wouldn't bother me at all. honestly, i find it more offensive that when you are pregnant with a singleton, everyone just assumes it happened easily unless they already know your backstory. people ONLY ask about fertility treatment if you are older or carrying multiples - meanwhile infertility is ridiculously common and no one likes to talk about it.

i tell anyone who will listen about my journey.. the reason people don't like to talk about it, and that it doesn't get the attention and research it deserves, is because people like to "keep it private." and then after the baby(ies) are here, it becomes just another part of the past since you are no longer focused on getting pregnant as fast as possible. IMO the more people talk about it and LOUDLY..the better for everyone in the future. so i LIKE to tell my story. if i had ended up with twins (both implanted but only one became a baby) i think i would've worn a big old bump shirt that said "ask me about my IVF" (actually i should've done that with my singleton anyway!!).

obviously you are entitled to keep your private life private, especially at work. and im not at all dissing your choice to not talk about it. i just think the more people that talk about it, the more voices we have together, the more likely research and insurance will change. if we are all silent the no one cares about the problem..

please don't call security, i will remove myself from my now

PS - sorry to bogart your post with my rant!!!

I totally agree with Flowerwife
Not to say that your reaction to your boss wasn't valid, it totally was for you..
But, I feel like anyone who went through IF treatments has this silent shared history with so many other women, and unless we talk about it openly, it's always going to remain something 'secret' and for some people, they may feel ashamed of it when around people who don't know anyone who went through it.

When anyone asked me about how i got pregnant, i would start rambling about how long it took and what we went through etc.. I was more than happy to talk about it since it had a happy ending!
I have to admit that if i met someone who was pregnant with twins or triplets, I could see myself asking them if they went through any treatments - but i'd only be asking so i could let them know I understood what they went through and to share the joy in their happiness. Believe me, the last thing i'd want to do is make someone uncomfortable, so maybe now i'll think twice before doing that

obviously, your private life shouldn't be something that gets discussed at work and your boss should have known better than to ask something like that.