If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

How did you ever make the decision? I am really struggling with this one. Have to make a decision asap - go back to my great job, great salary, great benefits.... or resign and stay at home with my LOVES.

Most people I ask are saying go back to work! The economy is bad, etc. I had basically decided to go back, and then that night I layed down to go to sleep and couldn't stop crying.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I had a great job with a top company in my field, made a mid six figure salary and had amazing benefits (way better than my DH's). I went back initially and struggled for 7 months with what to do. I was terrified to leave my job and end up regretting it, and having to come back to a lesser job than I had left, or be hurting financially and wish I stayed.

Ultimately I decided I would rather regret giving up a job than giving up time with my DD during these fleeting years.

Yes, I potentially sacrificed my long term earning potential, 401K, my benefits under my DH aren't as good, and I don't get the daily social stimulation I was used to but never once have I regretted a thing. I adore my time with DD and have never looked back.

Obviously this is only my experience and everyone is totally different. For ME and MY family, this was absolutely the right decision but it is such a personal decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide! I know how you feel, I felt extremely tormented and anxious and stressed for months and every other area of my life suffered while I was coming to my decision. You will get through it!

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

After DS#1 was born I went back to work FT for 3 months. I loved my job, the people, what I did etc, I looked forward to going to work each day and brought home decent money which made our lives so much easier.
After threee months of disagreeing with DH (who wanted me home) and 3 months of feeling like I was constantly running around, I left that job and went to another PT. 3 days are week. Although I didnt love the job, I loved going to work, I loved the balance, I loved feeling like I was still independent etc.
It was the perfect balance fo rmy family.

Then I got laid off 10 months later. I never fully embraced being a sahm until my DS#2 was born. I always said...I think I am going to go back in a month or two months.

I will say the last 2+ years have been an amazing blessing and I look forward to more. However its hard. Its stressful in a totally different way. I miss working but I know they are only young once so I have made the choice to sacrafice that part of my life to create the family life that DH and I want.

My advice is always to go back and try it. You never know how you are going to feel. Honestly, if it wasnt for Dh's pushing I would have stayed FT. I didnt mind going each day. I missed my DS but knew he ws in good hands. IMO once you resign you lose the option, so why not go back for 3 months (I think you need about that time to get into a routine and determine what you want) and then make your decision. At least at that point you can say to yourself I tired it and know this is what I want.

GL!@

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

Agree with a lot of what kelly said. I worked for 7 months and missed my baby so much. I was unhappy, tired , had a crazy commute. I gave up my career to stay home with ds. I regret working those 7 months I missed him so much and cried more tears than I thought I ever could!

Now I am still home w ds who is now 3 and ds 2 who is one yo . I miss my job and hope to go back one day but I'm not ready to leave my babies just yet!

Yes my retirement is suffering as is my resume but I am so happy as are my LO's!

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I realized that I would be ok if I never achieved what I had planned careerwise however, I would have a lifetime of regret if I gave up spending that time with my children. The time goes by SO fast and you can never get it back. I can work for the rest of my life. My kids will only be little for a very short time - i don't want to miss out on this phase in my life - i don't want to look back at 50 and feel like i didn't spend every moment i could with them. That, and, i could never leave my children with a stranger...or anyone for that much time actually.

Everyone is different, you have to do what YOU can live with

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

Posted by itsbabytime

I realized that I would be ok if I never achieved what I had planned careerwise however, I would have a lifetime of regret if I gave up spending that time with my children. The time goes by SO fast and you can never get it back. I can work for the rest of my life. My kids will only be little for a very short time - i don't want to miss out on this phase in my life - i don't want to look back at 50 and feel like i didn't spend every moment i could with them. That, and, i could never leave my children with a stranger...or anyone for that much time actually.

Everyone is different, you have to do what YOU can live with

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I think from a lot of people I talk to that the commute makes a huge difference. It was a huge choice for me, and I stayed working F/T--I make a good salary, work 10 minutes from home, and my job lets me work 7-3. I don't think I could have stayed F/T if I only had an hour a day w/ DS, but now, I have 4 or 5 hours a day with him, so I feel like I still get to see everything.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

While I was still working, before I had DD , we just banked my salary and survived only on DH's salary to make sure we can do it. That was the major turning point for us. I always wanted to be a SAHM though , so once we knew we could survive (barely, lol) on just DH's salary, we made the decision

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

Honestly the decision was early on for me. I always knew if I had a baby, I could never let anyone else take care of my infant on a daily basis. Also, I wanted very much to BF, and I knew that career would make it difficult. A host of other reasons why I wanted to be SAHM mom. I was well prepared to give up career for children.

When I met DH, I told him this, while he wasn't sure it was necessary, because it meant so much for me he agreed.

When I got pregnant, I had a very bizarre condition at 12w. I couldn't walk. I quit my job then. And don't regret it one bit, never look back, and when my boss calls me and says "you want to come back to work, yet?" ... I say "are you crazy? this is the life!"

But I come from a field that is very easy for me to get back to if I ever wanted it. So it wasn't a hard decision to make. DH can support us comfortably, but you know if he couldn't it would be worthwhile to me to downgrade our lifestyle to be a SAHM. Its not worthwhile for some.

I hear mothers all the time say how work "is a vacation" for them, or they "go to work to rest".. honestly I don't get it, but I have no mommy friends who aren't FTWM. I hear SAHM say "I can't wait to throw him in daycare" ... I'm sort of daycare phobic. My MIL doesn't understand why I want to be a SAHM, she keeps telling me "aren't you sick of it?" ... no...

Its so depends on your personality, your feelings about working, your feelings about who you want to be, what kind of mom you want to be. I praise FTWM for setting such a great work ethic example for their children. I don't think anything is wrong with either side, just have to find whats right for you.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I had a similar situation, i continued working and i am happy about it. i think it will be more important for me to be home when they are in school, so if i have a 4th i dont plan on going back. i will probably get something part time. i also have a great babysitter who i trust so that helps.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

As hard as it was, I knew it wouldn't be forever, so when my first was born, I made the decision to leave and be a SAHM. I had 2 kids in 2 years and didn't really work for nearly 5 years. I hopped back in very part time (like 1 day a week at first), and then as my kids got into school, I started back in the office for some hours while they are in school. It's been wonderful being able to do that, and the fact my company is very accommodating in that aspect. I work in Engineering consulting, so my line of work made it easy for a part-timer.

I still don't get benefits since I am only part-time, and my DH's suck, so we did make some concessions. But we don't regret it. I guess it would really depend on what line of work you are in, can you work part-time, and can you go back after being out for some time?

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I would never say go back to work.
I left a job I loved and have never given going back a thought.

I would say cancel cable, cell phones, and start coupon clipping
I can 99.9% say that the last four years of my life are hands down going to be the best part of my life.
I can't imagine it getting better then this. I hope it does, but so happy for what I had.

I have never been so poor and chunky in my life, but totally feel like I am living it up.

good luck!

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I regretted it for a long time. I have come to terms with it now - 4 yrs later...but still miss working terribly but can't imagine going back and missing all that I do now with my children. Hardest decision I had to make when I decided to quit. I never in a million years pictured my self as a SAHM. It isn't me, I hate that I am defined as only mom, I miss my adult life, I miss using my brain as a business woman, etc. But my kids love me here and I get to see so much more of them so it kind of evens it out.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

Posted by Janice

I would never say go back to work.
I left a job I loved and have never given going back a thought.

I would say cancel cable, cell phones, and start coupon clipping
I can 99.9% say that the last four years of my life are hands down going to be the best part of my life.
I can't imagine it getting better then this. I hope it does, but so happy for what I had.

I have never been so poor and chunky in my life, but totally feel like I am living it up.

good luck!

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

can you go back and give it a try for a bit then make your decision?

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

I was in a different situation, but I left my job basically to help take care of my mother and grandmother. My father passed away last December and since then everything has fallen on me (only child). I take care of both of their finances and both have been falling apart health-wise since my father passed. I stopped working at the end of April. I just couldn't juggle it anymore and something had to give.

I definitely miss working. I LOVED the daycare my kids were in and they learned so much while they were there. If I could afford it without working they would still be there at least PT bc of the great experience we had there.

Re: If you left a great job to be a SAHM...

Posted by Janice

I would never say go back to work.
I left a job I loved and have never given going back a thought.

I would say cancel cable, cell phones, and start coupon clipping
I can 99.9% say that the last four years of my life are hands down going to be the best part of my life.
I can't imagine it getting better then this. I hope it does, but so happy for what I had.

I have never been so poor and chunky in my life, but totally feel like I am living it up.

good luck!