*VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

DH wants his sister to be the godmother... I love his sister and have n problem with this. BUT My sister has lived with me in my home for the past 2 years and I really don't want her feelings to be hurt.

in all honesty...i do feel like SIL has her stuff together, is older with kids and more mature to take on the role of godparent where as my sister still has alot to figure out in regards to her life. I feel that this is relevant bc I think a godparent should be a role model and someone who can teach my child morals and spiritual values should i not be around to do so.


My mother asked me who i was choosing and when i told her that we might be considering SIL as well she made me feel really bad and basically ended our conversation by saying i should have a "sit down" conversation with my sis to prepare her for not being chosen as godparent.

I never thought having a baby would spark such drama. I JUST want my child to be baptized and be recognized as a child of god...why does that have to involve hurting peoples feelings? I'm stressed out over this

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

WOW! I'm sooo sorry!
and here I am wishing I had a sister to pick!!

DH has 3 sisters... and I have none. I have ONE close friend who I have considered. But we haven't made any decisions as of yet. I won't even go nuts trying to figure it out until the baby is here. I figure I'll see how people react to her and how relevant they are in my life once she's born. I know that might sound strange.. but my friends have been dropping like flies lately... and so I'd rather pick someone more "solid" who I know will be around for many years to come.

Of DH's 3 sisters... I do have one that I think I would pick over the others.

The other issue is the godfather. I have 2 brothers and DH has 1 brother. He would rather pick one of my brother's because his relationship with his own brother is "odd".
the brother of mine that he mentioned is also having a baby.. and they MIGHT pick me as godmother... BUT I don't have my brother's girlfriend in the running as my kids godmother and don't intend on putting her in it. SO it's kinda weird.
All in all though... I just push it all aside and try not to think much about it until after she's here and like I said.. see how people are at that time.

For your situation.. I think it would be nice to have a talk with your sister about the godmother thing. Let her know that you guys picked DH sister. Are you planning on having more kids? If so, that's a good fall back option to say to your sister... let her know that there will be more godparents in the future and she will def have one of your kids.
IDK that might take the edge off the convo.
Good Luck!!

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

i had a similar issue choosing the godfather. we ended up going with only 1, but i had asked my church if we could have had two. (it was between my BIL and my cousin whom DH is very close with and is very good with my DD) the church would have allowed both, but only 1 would have been the "official" godfather on the baptism certificate.

Dh wanted my cousin, but i was afraid my BIL (my sisters husband) would feel slighted since my sister was the godmother. He didnt mind though so we only went with my cousin but id ask the church about 2. Your sister wont even realize shes not the official godmother.


edited for spelling

Message edited 6/15/2011 7:57:20 AM.

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

I hear you!

This baby will be baptized in just about 3 mos and we still haven't chosen godparents. Honestly, I'd like to just use the same as DS1! There's no one in DH's family "worthy of the honor" and we used both my brother and sister with DS1. My sister is married now, but my brother isn't. We both have cousins, but I'd like to choose from closer family. Who knows.

Our 1st baby was easy - we chose our maid of honor and best man (or who would've been the best man. DH no longer speaks with his actual best man.)

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

That is really hard.

Who is the godfather going to be?

IMO typically each parent should get to pick one godparent.

For ex: DH has a sister=godmother, I have a brother=godfather.

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

That is a tough place to be. I will tell you though, I grew up with TWO Godmothers and no Godfather (even though my Dad has a brother), so there are "untraditional" ways to go about it...

With DD Godmother was a no brainer...my cousin and I are so close, she is my "sister" (I'm an only child) and there was no one else...DH knew that and was totally fine with it. Godfather we had lots of options because he has 3 brothers and a male cousin he's close to. We ended up choosing his oldest brother, and I couldn't be happier!

This time - not so easy. He has a female cousin with whom we are very close - she is one of my good friends, and would be SO excited to be Godmother. But that leaves us with no viable option from my side for Godfather...I have a feeling we'll end up with both Godparents from his side of the family...

Maybe there is a way you can involve both? Since Godparents have no LEGAL rights to caring for your children if God forbid something happen to you, maybe you could make one the Godmother, and the other the legal guardian should something happen? To me, both are honors...with one you are asking the person to be there to guide your child, to be a person the child can come to for advice/help/etc. The other you are entrusting the person with the care of the thing you cherish most in this world, should something happen. Or see about having two Godmothers?

Good luck!

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

Re: *VENT* Baptism - anyone else feeling pressured about godparents?

Godparents has been an issue for us as well. We chose my sister and her boyfriend. They will definitely be engaged this year and we both feel they are the best choice of anyone we know. My ILs have a huge issue with it because 1) we should have chosen someone from each side of the family and 2) they are not married (yet!). DH has a brother, but they are not close at all. In fact, they rarely talk. And that is more on my BILs part than my DHs. Neither of us feel comfortable with him being godfather. Plus, he lives OOS and the baby will probably rarely see him.

The bottom line is you need to choose who YOU feel comfortable choosing. Yes, being a godparent is an honor. But it is not something you are automatically entitled to because of who you are or your relationship with someone. Don’t make a decision because of how other people feel. It is your child and your decision to make. No one has the right to question that.