Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

So many of you saw the post about my coworker's grandson who passed this AM. He was 2.5 y.o.

The wake is Monday and the funeral Tuesday. We are a VERY close dept. There are only four of us and we share everything. We have been through a lot together in the past 6 years I have been there and the past 12 years that my mom has been there (my mom is the coordinator of our program).

How do I do this? I need to pay my respects, I know I do. But should I just go and stand outside the room and not go in and up to the casket? I feel like if I see an itty bitty baby casket I will just lose it.

Anyone ever have this happen?

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Yes. My cousin lost the baby at 20 weeks and had a funeral and service. I was also 20 weeks pregnant with Jack. It was really hard and I had to excuse myself because I was crying uncontrollably, but I got myself back together and back into the room.

I would go and pay your respects for your friend. It's not going to be easy on anyone there and I'm sure SO many people will be losing it.

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

OMG I'm so sorry..

I wouldn't go up to the casket if I was pregnant. If you can, I'd go to the wake with someone in your group and I'd have them go in and say that you're outside.

One of my friends won't go to a wake/funeral if she's pregnant at all (she has 4 kids so this has come up a couple of times) and we're talking about for someone's grandmother - and it's always been understood. I can't even wrap my head around a chiild's funeral.

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Oh yea - if it's a situation where you have to go up to the casket I wouldn't do that

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Even if I wasn't pregnant, I don't think I could go up to the casket of a child. Just go, sign in, and pay your respects from the back of the room.

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

sorry for your loss

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

So sorry! I was 30 weeks pregnant when a coworker's 8 year old passed away. My DH also worked with him, so we went together. I said I would sit in the back, and let my DH go up. But, I didnt do that and went to the coffin.
I was very upset about seeing an innocent child in a coffin and couldnt get the image of this beautiful littlr girl out of my head. I would say go and sit in the back.

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Are u more concerned that the sight of you pregnant will upset the family or is it that you are afraid of "losing it"emotionally"? If it is the latter, I can tell you it will almost be impossible to not break down. And that is ok and understood. My son was a beautiful nine day old in a casket, and it was horrific. However, by just you being there and showing your love, it will mean soooo much to the family. They will appreciate it deeply. I know for awhile after I lost my son, I would look at the wake sign in book, and it was uplifting to see the names of all that attended. We had one couple in particular who weren't able to come to the casket and we understood.I would rather someone come and stay in the back then not come at all. To be honest, there were a handful of people who blew off our services and I yet to have forgiven them. Harsh but true. If it is hard for the person attending, just imagine how hard it is for the parents. It is pure hell. In the end, I was just thankful to those who paid their respects.

Message edited 6/2/2011 6:46:11 PM.

Re: Wake/funeral for a baby when 37 weeks pg

Thanks, ladies! I think I will just stay in the back. It will be hard enough just to be there, but if I go near the casket I will really lose it. I will be 37 weeks tomorrow and I would prefer to keep my inside for a few more weeks and not have a crazy breakdown and end up delivering early.

I hadn't even thought about how they would feel seeing me pg, but I since I work with the grandmother, I have wondered how she is going to feel when I deliver