Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

My countdown reads 17 days and I'm so ashamed to admit this, but I figure if anyone understands, it would be other preggos.

Do you ever feel sad that this time in your life is ending? Meaning your time alone with DH? We have had this little two-person family unit going for a few years now and I really love my life as it is. I love Saturday mornings laying in bed for an hour and just talking to DH. I love deciding on a whim to go out to dinner, or go to a baseball game. I love taking vacations. I love just being with DH.

I KNOW that there are so many things about life with a child that I will love, too. I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember - it is truly the only thing I ever really wanted out of life. I never had career aspirations or career-oriented dreams - I just wanted to get married and be a mom. If I'd had my way, we would have started TTC on our wedding night.

But now that it's here, and I'm on the brink of my life as I know it ending, I can't help but feeling a little sad, even though I'm so excited and in love with my . This is all I've ever wanted, and now that I've got it, I've realized that what I've had up until now was pretty great, too.

Is this normal to feel like this? I'm crying as I write this because I feel so damn guilty. I can't even talk to DH about it because I feel like a horrible person. I guess I just was hoping to hear that I'm not the world's worst mother-to-be, and that it's OK to be sad even while being on the precipice of the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

I totally understand how you feel and I feel the same way too at times. I just keep reminding myself that life is always constantly changing - and a little baby is a good change and will just add to me and DH reltionship and life together. I think it is more fear of the unknown and the horror stories people tell you like "just wait til the baby comes - you really wont sleep" or "you wont have any time together". Right now, being so close, we are soo anxious and afraid of the unknown and hearing things like that only add to the negative aspects of it. Just know that you are adding to your life and YOU are in control of how much time you and DH will spend together after the baby is born.

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Aw... I think it is normal to be worried about major changes in life!!!!

If it makes you feel any better, my relationship with DH got even better after DD. The newborn stage is crazy stressful and hard, but once the first few weeks passed, we grew even closer and more in love than ever!!!!!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Let me tell you, even after your is here, as much as you will love her, you will definitely miss certain aspects of your life. The sleeping late and traveling are things that I truly miss since DS is here. Although I miss those things, I wouldn't change anything for the world. And just understand its all perfectly normal! You are a human being!!!

Rest assured, you are not the first, nor the last that will feel this way

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

i totally feel that way sometimes too. i just know it's not going to be the same in our house with our little routines and spur of the moment decisions once the baby is born. but i know the baby will bring so much more joy to my life and DH's life. one of DH's friends told me that a baby will fill the house with so much more love and warmth than we can ever imagine. i think having her in our house will bring us even closer together.

but when im running my errands alone on the weekends, shopping, getting my mani/pedis, i do think about how it wont be as easy to do all this stuff once she arrives. my hairdresser told me enjoy all the time left with DH alone and go out to dinner as much as we can now. she said we'll still do those things later on, but it'll just be a little different and you'll get used to it. it's an adjustment, but i'm looking forward to it!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

i think it is totally normal to feel that way. you are about to go through a major life change. It is totally okay to have thoughts about what you will be giving up. Don't beat yourself up!

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its totally normal im sure!!! every weekend when DH and i are just laying around being lazy and relaxing on the couch i keep thinking what it will be like 2 months from now!!!

im sure once your DD is here you wont even think twice about wanting it to be the way it once was, because you wont be able to imagine life without her!!!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Thanks girls. I'm generally afraid of change to begin with, so while this is one that is a great and very exciting one, I guess old habits die hard.

I know I'll be fine. Just feeling guilty.

Thanks for your kind words.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

totally normal. i feel that way too, and i feel guilty about it too.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

yup i have been feeling like this lately and it has given me bad anxiety

i am so in love with my lil girl already and cant wait to meet her but i cant help to think "oh shittt what have i done, should we have waited" i think it is totally normal

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Oh, yes, I felt this way when I had DD and I feel it again now that the twins are coming. There have been times in the past 4+ years since DD was born that I occasionally miss our "old life." I do feel guilty for thinking that way. But it is so rare. Yes, life changes big time, but overall it's all good changes. We had a really tough adjustment to parenting since DD was a difficult baby, but we made it and it was all temporary. We are a much stronger family "unit" now.

Don't worry. It will all be fine.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

I think it is totally normal. I have been feeling the same way lately with 23 days to go, especially since we have so much going on that we haven't been able to spend much time alone together lately.

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Sending hugs!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Thank you for posting this because I feel the same exact way... Guilt and all!

And thanks ladies for all your responses... They do make me feel better...even though I'm not the one who posted!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

I could have written this EXACT post when I was pregnant with DD. Same thing, I have always wanted to be a married and a mom and nothing else. I LOVED my life with just DH and we had so much fun together. I was so excited to be a mommy but got scared about how life would change for us.
Even a few weeks after having DD, while I loved her with all my heart, I was still kind of like, hmm, we cant just do whatever we want..that stinks!
But now, I cannot imagine life any other way. I absolutely love being a mommy and DD enhances our lives so much. I dont miss our old life at all. DH is the very best father I could ever imagine him being and I love him all the more for what I see him do for and with our DD. Our little family is more important to me than anything we used to do. What is important for us is very cliche but..date nights and even a few nights away from DD (she stays with my mom overnight some nights). Makes a big impact in seeing each other as husband and wife rather than just mommy and daddy.
Anyway, your feelings are normal and valid..try not to feel guilty! It's only going to get better and better from here on out!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

You are not alone. I have had that feeling. In fact I had a slight panic attack at 2 in the morning about it. The thought of 'what did I do?' came flashing through my mind. We are ecstatic about the baby and can't wait to meet him/her but the fear is there about what is going to come. It's normal.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

for you! I think what you are feeling is totally normal!

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Totally normal. It's just a new chapter in your life

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Oh man, thank you ladies so much for your comments! BTDT or not, they've all helped me tremendously. I feel so much better knowing I am not the only one who has felt this way!

I know all of this panic will wash away when she gets here. But it's the fear of the unknown that's getting me, I think.

Thank you so much! I'm going to miss this board when I'm not pregnant anymore ...

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

Thank you for your post. I have felt the same way even though I am only several weeks along! Its a big change but I think it makes you a normal, well adjusted, intuitive human being to know that things will change and to be "anxious" about it-- and shows just how much you and DH will be great parents, because you loved your life before bringing your baby into it.

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Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

OMG...the way you feel is totally normal. Honestly sometimes DH and I miss a lot of our life before DS....but then one look at him and it all feels worth it. There is nothing wrong without how you feel, this is a HUGE life change and it will take adjustment, don't ever feel bad for how you are feeling your only human.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

I totally feel that way too. Life is going to drastically change. I'm so freaked out by the loss of my fun, care-free freedom. The thought of not being able to run to the store or just call some friends to do an impromptu 8 p.m. dinner is so unappealing to me. Even the other day I was yapping about my trainer schedule post-preggo and I was like what the he ll am I talking about? WHEN am I squeezing that in?

I'm glad so many others feel this way too. On the other hand, I also fear becoming THAT couple who won't do anything b/c we have kids.

Re: Feeling guilty for feeling sad ...

I totally feel the same way you do.. so thank you for posting this. And thank you to the ladies who responded to show that life still can be great after the LO is born!