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Denise
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/09 572 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I feel for your situation! I have to say though...it surprises me that your MIL would be ok with holding AM while she is in hysterics, when giving her to you would calm her down and make her feel better! I would do what everybody else says, and just walk over and say "Ok that's my cue...come here sweetie" If you DH says something I would ignore him, and then talk to him about it in the car. If he wants AM to build a better relationship with his mom I don't think allowing her to cry hysterical in her arms is going to help that. There will come a day when she is close with them as well. My DD makes this scared face and screams when my FIL comes near her. We feel terrible, and he doesn't like it either...but he also doesn't want her to be sad and cry the whole time he is holding her! Once you assert yourself and take AM back, your mother in law will know you mean business, and maybe she will get the point when she stops crying right away!
Also: The dinner table thing would annoy me too! I like to be next to her, because DH could get sidetracked, and I want to make sure my eyes are on her.
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Posted 3/18/11 1:44 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by neener1211
Tilde, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but from what I understand, you have more of a traditional relationship with your family and husband.
But, there has got to be a point in life, when YOU get to become the overbearing mother/mother in law. Does that make sense? I'm sure at one point your MIL was just like you and was bossed around by her husband and mother in law. I'm curious when she decided she would become 'the boss'. And maybe it was around the same time as you in life.
I say, take control of your baby when you want, and let DH know that you are the mom, and all decisions and care of your daughter are your first priority. Not the 'feelings' of your MIL.
Again, I hope I'm not overstepping.
ITA
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| Posted 3/18/11 2:00 PM |
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Serendipity
Summer!
Member since 4/07 7631 total posts
Name:
PrayingWishingHopingALOT
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by MarisaK
You have to set the tone -
If the baby starts crying and your MIL can't calm her down - go over there and TAKE her - YOU don't need anyone's permisson - you are her mother. Simply walk over to her, TAKE her out of her arms and say "I'll take her for now" .....end of story. -
There is absolutely NO reason at all why a baby should be made to cry and remain upset b/c the person holding her refuses to hand her over to her mother .........That is completely unacceptable
The dinner table thing wouldn't kill me, but it would irritate me - I honestly just stopped givign my MIL the chance to walk all over me and behave as if SHE had any 'power' - b/c that's what it is, a power struggle -
You're the Mom = you win. End of story !!
ETA: - I am not a very passive person by nature, but I don't like to be bothered by confrontation, and hate to make a scene or anything like that - I was also raised by fairly traditional Italian parents - re: Respect, no talking back (especially to adults) etc etc......
But honestly, there came a point in my life when I jsut flipped a switch - YES, my parents and my MIL and Aunts and blah blah are 'older' than me - But I am no longer a child. I am a grown woman, with a career and a husband and children of my own .........it is no longer acceptable for you to walk all over me simply b/c I'm 30 years younger than you ........You want to be respected? Fine, I'm an adult now, and I deserve to be treated w/ respect as well .........
You have to start to stand up for yourself !!!!
OMG! Are YOU ME????????
LOL
This is HOW I FEEL! It took many years for me to "harden" and now I did and thats it!
you hit the nail on the head when you said you dont give MIL the "power" anymore..it took me a long time to come to terms with that but I am much better at it today compared to when we ere first married....or for that instance when our DD was first born.
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| Posted 3/18/11 2:08 PM |
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spa118
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 2157 total posts
Name:
Shari
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I would just say it.
Do it. "I'm sorry, but she will stop crying if I hold her" and take her.
I do this with my FIL all the time. He resents it, but I honestly don't care - I have to do what is best for DD.
I would also insist on sitling next to her at dinner. Don't let her be the boss. This is your daughter.
I know its hard, but after you do it the first time, it gets easier!
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:20 PM |
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Oh gosh! I would say very nicely that she has a routine and if you can't abide by it, you need to hold her. Tell her it has nothing to do with her, but you want to keep DD happy. Or make up something like the ped said that this crying is separation anxiety and it is best if you just take her rather than have her cry and scream. If not, just say what is on your mind flat out. You are the mom. You win.
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:26 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I really think you need to get DH on the same page or you aren't going to get too far with your MIL. I understand that he is jealous of the relationship that AM has with your mom, but unless his mom wants to quit her job and share babysitting 50/50, it is what it is! As AM gets older her relationship will MIL will evolve on its own naturally, there is no reason to force it right now.
He is obviously feeling very torn, but he should be at the point that comforting his hysterical child takes precedent over his mom's feelings!!!
Regarding the dinner table - I love it when MIL and SIL put the kids between them! Momma can now enjoy her dinner 
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| Posted 3/19/11 7:53 AM |
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CucumberGirl
You give the best smiles!
Member since 1/09 2398 total posts
Name:
M~
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
I guess it is harder b/c if I get up to get her - DH will tell me to sit down and let his mother take care of it 
my DH would be putting his life at risk if he said something like this to me.
i would just take her and if MIL said no, i'd simply say, she's had enough and she's my kid, so i decide.
the dinner table thing would bother me too - i completely agree with some of the others that this is a control issue with your MIL. she had her kids, you get to raise yours and right now, your baby needs you not grandma. grandma will get her day for sure - they are awesome when kids are a little older, but now, you get to be the star.
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| Posted 3/19/11 9:35 AM |
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RobinG
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/08 595 total posts
Name:
Robin
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I have had a similar situation and DS is one- still goes on now! I just physically start taking him and say "ok, baby, mommy will hold you". Tell your MIL straight out that your DD needs you when she is upset. It is normal and healthy, and when DD is in a good mood, she is more than welcome to hold her (even if that;s not completely true, lol)! 
And tell your DH that you want DS between the 2 of you and let him tell him mom. Or say to him, don't you think DD will be happier and quieter if she is between us? hopefully your DH will step up, otherwise, just say it. If they think you're being silly, let them think it. She is YOUR child! I have been through all of this and finally, at around 10 months old, I finally opened my mouth and it's a little better now. I don't care if they think I'm crazy, lol!!
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| Posted 3/19/11 9:50 AM |
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RobinG
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/08 595 total posts
Name:
Robin
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Serendipity
Posted by MikesWife
Honestly, I would tell my DH to kiss it, walk over to my clearly upset child and console her.
There will come a time when going to Grandma will be awesome. For now, she is having separation issues. Why keep her upset?
ABSOLUTELY!!!! I am in complete agreement!! This happened last yr with my DD a lot and i HATEd it then finally got the nerve up to say to myself I am the mommy and I dont want her crying!!
We for instance would be somewhere, my DD would SCREAM hysterical AND THEY WOULD take her in another room and say mommy not here!!!
I was
Now I take her back! no questions, no explanations...I am the mother!
OMG, Il's used to do the same thing and it made me IRATE. I would just follow them and say Mommy's here- I wouldn't leave you! I don't think there is any reason for my child to cry for me if I am there. Unless I am walking out the door- he can have me.
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| Posted 3/19/11 9:56 AM |
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browneyes
All moms are working mothers!
Member since 8/08 4311 total posts
Name:
Super Mom
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
If dd cries when someone else is holding her i usally give them 2 or so minutes with her to try and calmn her down if they arnt making any progress after a few min i will go over and just take her and soth her (this goes for friends parents inlaws & even w/my husband). This why i feel like im not stepping on anyones toes, they gave it a try and it didnt work.
However i do have an aunt who loves babies and will hold them no matter how much they cry and i let her eventually dd will stop crying and become happy agian.
I honeslty think its good for dd to relize that other ppl can make her happy other then mommy.
Message edited 3/19/2011 10:21:57 AM.
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| Posted 3/19/11 10:21 AM |
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