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emomma17
All My Girls!
Member since 11/08 4392 total posts
Name:
Mia
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by maymama
Posted by Tilde
I guess it is harder b/c if I get up to get her - DH will tell me to sit down and let his mother take care of it 
ooohhhh noo no no no no  give him one good VERY stern look and that should end it.
you guys are her parents. you guys make ALL the decisions for her. no way tilde. you are not wrong here! stand up to both of them and nip it now before it snowballs into other arenas!
I thought the same thing. I would take DD out of any ones arms if she was like that no questions asked and for a while she did that with my MIL when I would leave for work. I would take her back and calm her down. The last thing she wanted was to be restricted in her arms so I would bring her to her room and show her her toys and distract her instead of sobbing. Now DD kisses me and says bye mommy when I leave for work :( as happy as I am that she gets it now that part kind of makes me sad lol.
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Posted 3/18/11 10:27 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
officiallyamrs
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/05 421 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
i go through the same thing, so i just go take the babies. they get all in their face while theyre trying to eat or play or whatever and the kids do not like it. so i told my dh to say something for a while. he never did, so now i do, and i know i come off like the daughter in law biottccchh but i have to stand up for my kids. i don't care anymore. so i know exactly what yopu're saying, and you're way better then me, i dont go there without dh. i couldn't handle them alone lol
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:34 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by summerBaby10
Tilde we have the same personality & our mil's have the same personality. I end up hating myself after these situations if I have realized that I didn't handle it correctly.
After reading everyone's advice to my thread this week about IL's cursing in front of DS, I told myself that I have to become a stronger more assertive mother no matter who gets in the way.
I bet you were raised like I was. I was never taught to fight back or talk back especially to adults & unfortunately now it's a problem for us. Some mil's obviously dont care how they make us feel but we feel bad about hurting their feelings.
btw, my mil has also pulled the same crap when DS would scream & she would take her in another room and say mommy is not here.
yesyesyesyesyes!
this is my issue
she is an "adult" ( i know how ridiculous that sounds )
When we are doing reno, my cousin wants me to stay over her house for a weekend or two. My first thought was "I will have to ask my MIL if its okay"  since we will be at HER house during the week.
So embarrassed to admit that was my first thought! Which, is obviously insane!
I really want to work on some things to make me a better mom
1. i NEED to be more assertive when it comes to my DD and her happiness
2. i NEED to be more confident that I know what is best for her
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:37 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Also what doesn't help is that we've been with our SO for years & MIl's knew us when we were kids & now that we are adults we can't stand up to them. I need therapy- LOL
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:39 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Janice
hmmm....my 12 month old does not like my parents, or anyone really, at all.
last week we were in fl with my parents. they are spoiled by how easy josh took to them.
if i was out of sight, she seemed to tolerate them better.
is it possible to give your dh and baby a 30 minute headstart to mil's before you get there?
i really felt for my parents...they talk about these kids, live for them...and can't handle her not liking them.
I do feel bad BUT we went there at 6:30 last night. Her bedtime is 8PM. She had FUN until 8PM. Laughed, played on the floor with her cousins, was in the exersaucer, MIL and SIL held her. 8PM is when she got nutty and it went downhill from there.
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:40 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by summerBaby10
Also what doesn't help is that we've been with our SO for years & MIl's knew us when we were kids & now that we are adults we can't stand up to them. I need therapy- LOL
Maybe we can get a group rate on the therapy!! You are so right though, you are like my therapist right now!!!!
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:41 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Ophelia
ok, now that I've read through the whole thread.
this is your dh's guilt/anxiety again over the close relationship AM has with your mom.
sorry bud. you are getting FREE DAY CARE.
you cannot force AM to feel as comfortable and secure with his mom as she does with yours.
Matlilde...grow those balls girl. grow them big. get thee a case of elephantitis. BIG BIG BALLS!!!!!!~
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:41 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
Maybe we can get a group rate on the therapy!! You are so right though, you are like my therapist right now!!!!
Let's do it.. Daughter in laws who get shaat on by mother in laws support group- lol
Message edited 3/18/2011 10:43:29 AM.
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:43 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Tilde, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but from what I understand, you have more of a traditional relationship with your family and husband.
But, there has got to be a point in life, when YOU get to become the overbearing mother/mother in law. Does that make sense? I'm sure at one point your MIL was just like you and was bossed around by her husband and mother in law. I'm curious when she decided she would become 'the boss'. And maybe it was around the same time as you in life.
I say, take control of your baby when you want, and let DH know that you are the mom, and all decisions and care of your daughter are your first priority. Not the 'feelings' of your MIL.
Again, I hope I'm not overstepping.
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:46 AM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
FTR, I HAVE very passively and timidly put my arms out to DD, and even if DD reaches out for me - she does not give her to me. She will pretend that she doesn't notice and try to distract her.
My MIL has a very strong personality. She raised two boys and two granddaughters and she is one tough Irish chick  I really love her, we get along great as "friends" but when it comes to this, it is hard b/c I am a VERY passive person, hate confrontation AND I get very nervous and unsure of myself. Just two personalities that don't mesh well when babies are involved, I guess.
Tilde, don't look at it as a confrontation... because it's not. It's just YOU wanting to calm YOUR baby down. Do you think she'll actually say something to you if you take AM from her while she's crying? If she does, tell her she'll get her back when she's not hysterical.
Who the he11 wants to hold a screaming child anyway!?
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| Posted 3/18/11 10:54 AM |
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FaBuLoUsMrsT08
LIF Infant
Member since 11/08 192 total posts
Name:
Krystal
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
FTR, I HAVE very passively and timidly put my arms out to DD, and even if DD reaches out for me - she does not give her to me. She will pretend that she doesn't notice and try to distract her.
My MIL has a very strong personality. She raised two boys and two granddaughters and she is one tough Irish chick I really love her, we get along great as "friends" but when it comes to this, it is hard b/c I am a VERY passive person, hate confrontation AND I get very nervous and unsure of myself. Just two personalities that don't mesh well when babies are involved, I guess.
I am def. a passive person, i avoid confrontation .. i prefer not to have to deal with it...so i know how hard it is to deal with someone who has a strong personality like that. But when it comes to DD .. i'd def. just step up and take her (in a nice way). I'm sure it's easier said than done...but it's not fair for AM to have to be upset just because MIL feels like she should be able to calm her down and refuses to give in to the fact that she wants her mamma!! I def thinking getting up and saying. "aw she's so upset..let me see her" or whatever is a normal mommy thing and i think DH needs to put his guilt aside and back you up. I'm sure that would help...
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:11 AM |
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nancygrace
I'm 2!
Member since 9/05 6616 total posts
Name:
Live*Love*Laugh
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
when it come to my kids and there best interest, i have no problem of how i come off..this has happened and with my MIL too..i remember DD was crying (very overtired) and she was insisiting on holding her to say goodbye instead of jsut kissing her in my arms...at first i told MIL that DD was tired and to hand her back and she ignored me..at that point i looked at DH and jsut said " come here DD " and i jsut pulled her out of her arms.. we finished our goodbyes and left,, i cant allow my kids to get so upset like that esp when they are young. do what u have to do for your child and their happiness
Message edited 3/18/2011 11:20:41 AM.
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:19 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
You have to set the tone -
If the baby starts crying and your MIL can't calm her down - go over there and TAKE her - YOU don't need anyone's permisson - you are her mother. Simply walk over to her, TAKE her out of her arms and say "I'll take her for now" .....end of story. -
There is absolutely NO reason at all why a baby should be made to cry and remain upset b/c the person holding her refuses to hand her over to her mother .........That is completely unacceptable
The dinner table thing wouldn't kill me, but it would irritate me - I honestly just stopped givign my MIL the chance to walk all over me and behave as if SHE had any 'power' - b/c that's what it is, a power struggle -
You're the Mom = you win. End of story !!
ETA: - I am not a very passive person by nature, but I don't like to be bothered by confrontation, and hate to make a scene or anything like that - I was also raised by fairly traditional Italian parents - re: Respect, no talking back (especially to adults) etc etc......
But honestly, there came a point in my life when I jsut flipped a switch - YES, my parents and my MIL and Aunts and blah blah are 'older' than me - But I am no longer a child. I am a grown woman, with a career and a husband and children of my own .........it is no longer acceptable for you to walk all over me simply b/c I'm 30 years younger than you ........You want to be respected? Fine, I'm an adult now, and I deserve to be treated w/ respect as well .........
You have to start to stand up for yourself !!!!
Message edited 3/18/2011 11:40:55 AM.
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:34 AM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Just take her back. Thats what I do..."I will take him/her" as I am physically taking the baby.
And I decide where the baby and DS (and DH for that matter ) sit. It is ALWAYS next to me and I will try to choose MIL or someone else to sit on the otherside. Now that DS is older he decides where he wants to sit, but I have the final say
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:37 AM |
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Daisy32
Mommy
Member since 2/08 8081 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I would reach for my baby and say "thanks but I'll take it from here."
No discussion 
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| Posted 3/18/11 11:40 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by MarisaK
You have to set the tone -
If the baby starts crying and your MIL can't calm her down - go over there and TAKE her - YOU don't need anyone's permisson - you are her mother. Simply walk over to her, TAKE her out of her arms and say "I'll take her for now" .....end of story. -
There is absolutely NO reason at all why a baby should be made to cry and remain upset b/c the person holding her refuses to hand her over to her mother .........That is completely unacceptable
The dinner table thing wouldn't kill me, but it would irritate me - I honestly just stopped givign my MIL the chance to walk all over me and behave as if SHE had any 'power' - b/c that's what it is, a power struggle -
You're the Mom = you win. End of story !!
ETA: - I am not a very passive person by nature, but I don't like to be bothered by confrontation, and hate to make a scene or anything like that - I was also raised by fairly traditional Italian parents - re: Respect, no talking back (especially to adults) etc etc......
But honestly, there came a point in my life when I jsut flipped a switch - YES, my parents and my MIL and Aunts and blah blah are 'older' than me - But I am no longer a child. I am a grown woman, with a career and a husband and children of my own .........it is no longer acceptable for you to walk all over me simply b/c I'm 30 years younger than you ........You want to be respected? Fine, I'm an adult now, and I deserve to be treated w/ respect as well .........
You have to start to stand up for yourself !!!!
I agree with every Marisa said here. I wouldn;t care about the baby sitting next to someone else during dinner because like AP said at least you can enjoy dinner. However, if my baby is crying and wants me, you bet your azz I will be taking him. If my DH said something like what your s did, I would lightly say oh no thats ok. No one wants to hold a baby screaming for their Mama. Come here baby grab, hold, cuddle and shush
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:17 PM |
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MSeid
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/05 805 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
I would say "give me him" as I proceeded to take him from her. If I'm there I do the comforting. When he cries because he falls, is tired, etc and my mom is there she always says "aww you want Mommy" and hands him to me. I just cannot let go and let others comfort him if he is really upset (besides my DH) and even then if he hurt himself and is screaming/crying I want him immediately
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:20 PM |
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BAM 2009
I am who I am!!!
Member since 5/09 6081 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
You walk right up to her and take the baby. No questions asked!!!!!!
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:22 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Honestly, if my child was crying like that I would just walk over and take her. No apologies, no explananation. I've done that in the past without hesitation. In those moments where I had to do it, no one else mattered, i was focused on getting my crying baby. And, just to note, I am not typically confrontational or bold. But in those moments, my DS needed me and I didn't care about anyone else's feelings.
Try it. Just take a deep breath and go get her. Take her out of whomevers arms. She's yours.
As for the eating - I sit my DS where I want him to be, and I don't aim to be diplomatic. It's more about comfort and convenience though. If i'm feeding him, he has to be next to me. I would be annoyed with this too - maybe as she gets more into solids and you have to feed her you can just put her high chair next to you.
I'm all about setting clear boundaries with inlaws, even from before having DS otherwise they try to take over. The longer it goes on the worse it can get.
ETA: I take my crying child out of my own mother's hands and even DH's if he's crying, falls, etc. The instinct just takes over.
Message edited 3/18/2011 12:51:25 PM.
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:50 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by neener1211
Tilde, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but from what I understand, you have more of a traditional relationship with your family and husband.
But, there has got to be a point in life, when YOU get to become the overbearing mother/mother in law. Does that make sense? I'm sure at one point your MIL was just like you and was bossed around by her husband and mother in law. I'm curious when she decided she would become 'the boss'. And maybe it was around the same time as you in life.
I say, take control of your baby when you want, and let DH know that you are the mom, and all decisions and care of your daughter are your first priority. Not the 'feelings' of your MIL.
Again, I hope I'm not overstepping.
You are not overstepping at all - thank you!
It is funny b/c this reminded me that MIL once told me that she used to cry all the time about stuff that her DH and HER MIL would do to her. But after she had her first son, she never cried in front of them again b/c she was now a mother and knew that she could be strong.
It is funny how she shared that with me and I am remembering it now.
I guess after being so upset once a week for almost 8 months - it is time for me to step up  easier said than done!
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:52 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
Posted by neener1211
Tilde, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but from what I understand, you have more of a traditional relationship with your family and husband.
But, there has got to be a point in life, when YOU get to become the overbearing mother/mother in law. Does that make sense? I'm sure at one point your MIL was just like you and was bossed around by her husband and mother in law. I'm curious when she decided she would become 'the boss'. And maybe it was around the same time as you in life.
I say, take control of your baby when you want, and let DH know that you are the mom, and all decisions and care of your daughter are your first priority. Not the 'feelings' of your MIL.
Again, I hope I'm not overstepping.
You are not overstepping at all - thank you!
It is funny b/c this reminded me that MIL once told me that she used to cry all the time about stuff that her DH and HER MIL would do to her. But after she had her first son, she never cried in front of them again b/c she was now a mother and knew that she could be strong.
It is funny how she shared that with me and I am remembering it now.
I guess after being so upset once a week for almost 8 months - it is time for me to step up easier said than done!
I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Once you show your authority, you'll be inclined to do it more often. It's very empowering.
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| Posted 3/18/11 12:54 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
If she is crying and you can soothe her, why would she not hand her to you?!??! Makes no sense. You have every right to be upset.
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| Posted 3/18/11 1:01 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by Tilde
Posted by neener1211
Tilde, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries, but from what I understand, you have more of a traditional relationship with your family and husband.
But, there has got to be a point in life, when YOU get to become the overbearing mother/mother in law. Does that make sense? I'm sure at one point your MIL was just like you and was bossed around by her husband and mother in law. I'm curious when she decided she would become 'the boss'. And maybe it was around the same time as you in life.
I say, take control of your baby when you want, and let DH know that you are the mom, and all decisions and care of your daughter are your first priority. Not the 'feelings' of your MIL.
Again, I hope I'm not overstepping.
You are not overstepping at all - thank you!
It is funny b/c this reminded me that MIL once told me that she used to cry all the time about stuff that her DH and HER MIL would do to her. But after she had her first son, she never cried in front of them again b/c she was now a mother and knew that she could be strong.
It is funny how she shared that with me and I am remembering it now.
I guess after being so upset once a week for almost 8 months - it is time for me to step up easier said than done!
I totally agree with all of this (and Ophelia's elephantitis )
And I didn't realize your MIL was IRISH.. I will bet you any amount of money that when you find your strength your MIL will step back. But only when she believes your strength is real... when you do things timidly and shy... she knows she's still in control and will pay you no mind.
I think that when DD cries and your MIL has her, if you walk up to her saying something like "Oh, I know that cry. She wants Mommy" and just TAKE HER (with a smile) I think you can turn the tide.
I feel bad for my MIL because sometimes when she's holding DS he's crying and looking at me like MOMMY PLEASE TAKE ME and I don't want to snatch her from MIL because she doesn't see him all the time. But the kid wants his mama!
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| Posted 3/18/11 1:05 PM |
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Mrs-D-Girl
Love my fur baby
Member since 8/07 5183 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
God that would drive me nuts!!! 
She is your little girl, you are her Mommy, respectfully just get up and take her and just say "it's ok, Mommy is here" 
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| Posted 3/18/11 1:29 PM |
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maria430
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/07 671 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you say: GIVE ME MY KID?!
Posted by JerseyMamaOf2
I have never given it any thought when my kids were little, I would walk over to WHO EVER and take the baby and say at the same time let me take them, they are tired and cranky. That's it end of discussion.
As far as her sitting between your MIL and DH durning dinner, I don't think that is a big deal. It is her father and grandmother.
ITA!
How often does she see your MIL? Maybe your MIL feels like she wants to hold her the entire time they are together..
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| Posted 3/18/11 1:43 PM |
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