A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

My very good from high school is due about 2 months before me. I asked her months ago if she were having a baby shower and she said no. She had an enormous bridal shower just over a year ago that was very extravagant and she said she doesn't want her friends/family to shell out more money for gifts. I was planning on buying her something after the baby is born.

Then this morning I get a one line email from her sister saying "Jane's bridal shower this Saturday Feb 5 at my place - light snacks and drinks served. She's registered at BuyBuyBaby and BRU."

I'm sorry, but this one line email invitation less than one week in advance sounds like a ploy for gifts to me. I understand people get busy and don't have time to do invitations and plan parties. But this? And I know a baby shower is supposed to be about welcoming the baby and celebrating the mom-to-be, but this sounds like "come over with a gift!" Not impressed!

Message edited 1/31/2011 10:01:04 AM.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

But what if she doesn't know about it? Or what if her family can't afford to throw her a real shower so this is what they are doing for her?

I don't think it's a ploy for gifts, more like a last minute thing because someone feels bad that she doesn't have a formal shower planned...

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

She was cc'd on her sister's email and definitely knows about. She can definitely afford it as can her investment banker husband.

Message edited 1/31/2011 10:17:53 AM.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Could be she just decided she really does want to celebrate the miracle growing inside her, but decided pretty last minute about it. Just don't go or just spend a smaller amount if you're that annoyed.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

It might not be a ploy - the sister might feel bad that there is no shower and just threw something tog last minute.
It could also have been a money or time situation that just resolved itself??

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Maybe she wasn't going to have a shower and her family said "fine - let's just do something really small and make it informal and we'll send out an email to keep it simple."

Since you said she didn't want one in the first place, since she had a lavish bridal shower, could this be her family forcing it and using an email invite as a way to not make it seem like a huge deal, as per her request?

Could just be a slightly disorganized family member and this is how they are doing it...while she is CC'd on the email, we don't know for sure whether she knew this person was going to do it like this beforehand.

If I can go, I'd go...but I don't think immediately that it's a ploy for gifts if it's a small gathering at someone's house.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Ehhhhhh, I'm not a fan of a last
minute invitation, and that's kinda what it seems like. This happened to me last yr, I rec'd an invitation to a shower, placed under my windshield wiper on my car 5 days beforehand. The invitation bled, from the morning dew. I found it a bit tacky and I felt like an afterthought.
I didn't go to the shower or send a gift to the shower. I sent her flowers after her son was born with a card.

Is this a really close friend?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

I wouldn't feel this is a ploy for gifts. I agree with all of the pps. You don't know all the circumstances surrounding why this was thrown together.

If I was available I would go, if I had a previous engagement I would decline.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

I'd be annoyed at the last-minute email - because I am a planner and I generally make plans at least a few weeks ahead. It annoys me to get invites with almost no notice.

That said, if I was free I'd go. I don't view it as a ploy to get gifts. I'd just be annoyed at the lack of notice.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

All showers are a ploy for gifts lets face it

I see nothing wrong with this. Why shouldn't she have a shower for (what I assume) is her first baby? Not all showers are fancy many are simple lunches held in someones home.

Message edited 1/31/2011 11:30:38 AM.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Posted by DiamondGirl

All showers are a ploy for gifts lets face it

I see nothing wrong with this. Why shouldn't she have a shower for (what I assume) is her first baby? Not all showers are fancy many are simple lunches held in someones home.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Posted by DiamondGirl

All showers are a ploy for gifts lets face it

I see nothing wrong with this. Why shouldn't she have a shower for (what I assume) is her first baby? Not all showers are fancy many are simple lunches held in someones home.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Posted by DiamondGirl

All showers are a ploy for gifts lets face it

I see nothing wrong with this. Why shouldn't she have a shower for (what I assume) is her first baby? Not all showers are fancy many are simple lunches held in someones home.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

It might be annoying that it's last minute BUT, she's still your good friend and you were going to get her something anyway so if it were me, I wouldn't get too worked up. Put on a happy face and go celebrate with your friend.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Posted by RocPin

Posted by DiamondGirl

All showers are a ploy for gifts lets face it

I see nothing wrong with this. Why shouldn't she have a shower for (what I assume) is her first baby? Not all showers are fancy many are simple lunches held in someones home.

I agree.

I know that if my good friend or sister didnt want a big shower and it was her first baby, I would push the issue and throw her a sprinkle anyways.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

It wouldn't annoy me if it were her first child. I expect the bulk of my family and friends to have baby showers regardless of the type of bridal shower they had or how far apart the two are.

The last minute part stinks, but I would just run out and get something asap.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

honestly who cares if she had a lavish bridal shower a year ago? this is a completly seperate event and shouldnt be compared to a bridal shower.

it seems it was put together last minute for close friends and family - which is ok by me. i would be more than thrilled going if it were my friend.

if u cant go bc ur busy or have other plans thats ok - i would just get her something off her registry - something that she needs or wants.

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

I kind of felt that way when an old friend that I was barely close to invited me to her baby shower in New York while I was living in Colorado. Perhaps she was just being nice with the invite, but I couldn't help feeling like it was just her way of getting another gift. I mean, obviously I wouldn't fly out for her shower (we weren't that close of friends) so my only option would be to send something. I might have been wrong in my assumption, but I felt that way nonetheless. So I get where you're coming from with that.

I think in your situation, maybe she honestly didn't want a shower, but was encouraged to do one. So she said ok to something small & registered. Perhaps her family are the procrastinating type & was just late with invitations. You never know. Since it's such late notice, I would go but just get her something small, or a gift card. (gift cards are sometimes the BEST gift!!!!)

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

I agree with the PPs...I think that it is a disorganized or last minute person planning this. She may have even been forced into it by overbearing family members. If you don't have plans, then I'd go, but if you already did, then I would skip it (depending on how close you two are).

Re: A ploy for gifts - would this annoy you?

I would put your feelings aside and give her the gift you were originally going to give her. After all, what goes around comes around!