They've gotta be kidding me..

My family is really starting to p!ss me off.... especially my father...

Im not trying to play a violin or anything... but they past few months have been alot for me.... Im constantly taking care of my family (mother and brothers) in addition to taking care of my INFANT and DH- all along with dealing with some MIL issues...


As many of you may know my mom has some mental health issues (goes back and forth with severe depression) and my brother has some drug/alcohol abuse issues... he's an outta control teen, and was really being abusive to my mother... COUNTLESS times... I have has to drop my son off to my MIL and play mediator...

I have taken my brother for the day... to give my mom a break... and even considered taking him in to live here with me (however due to his violence issues- choose not too put my son in his presence)

I have missed several days of work, and have sat in court for days trying to help my mom out.... all because I love them and want to help them.... However (not so much my mom) they tend to forget- I have my own family...

My father is overseas... however has access to the internet and or phone daily... He has contact with my family pretty much every day!

Him and my mom have serious realtionship issues... and he's always vented to me about her (putting me in an awkard situation) and even though he's away- they still fight... so he uses me to pass messages...

Also- he'll call me- and give me order to take care of this with his car, or do that with my brothers.... and it just annoys me to death.... for these are not my children, and not my issues.... I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS< AND MY OWN CHILD TO TAKE CARE OF!

Then on my mothers b-day- He writes me this big email (now mind you this was when I was in GA- on vacation for 2 weeks... and yes he knew I was away) telling me- I have to call my brothers- make sure they remember- make sure they do something for her blah blah blah... Now granted- I was gonna do it anyway... but why could he not call his sons himself? Or write them an email.... the same way he contacted me.... These things are not my responsibility...

He pretty much did the same thing to me on mothers day... telling me to make sure I do something for my mom, and to tell my brothers to do the same as well.... All along never wishing ME a happy FIRST mothers day!!!!


It just furiates me... because he does sh!t to take these matter into his own hands...You wanna make sure your kids do something.... then call them your damn self...


Before Im talking to my mom... and she says my father passed a remark like- He's done with his kids...
No doubt my brothers S U C K... but tell me- what more can I do? He feels since Im the oldest I should be taking care of these things... But I dont live there.... Im not there parent (so they arent gonna listen to me) and once again... I have my own family to take care of!!!!!


Im just so sick of everything being put on me.... Of everyone thinking I have to drop everything to help them...
I wanna help... and do in every way, shape, and form... when I can! But my BABY is still a BABY and therefore is still very DEPENDENT... I have my own household, and my owns bills to take care of... and they all come first...

Am I missing something???? SHould I be doing more??

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

I don't think you're missing anything and it seems like you've done way more than enough. In fact, I think you've done more than a lot of people would do considering you have a small child of your own. I'm sorry the family is giving you so much grief, just try to remember that you're always there for them and do whatever you can. Try not to let anyone make you feel badly.

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

I dont think its fair to put your Dad's responsibilities on you. You have enough going on. He needs to take care of his kids and wife while you take care of your baby and DH.

I know your Dad has a lot going on but you are doing more than enough already. Hang in there, I hope it gets easier.

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

I think you're being as good of a mother, wife, daughter and sister as you can be. You can only do so much, and if your father can't understand that, then maybe he should consider being close enough to home so that he can handle things himself instead of pawning the responsibility off on you.
Wow, I know that just came off really harsh, but I'm in a mood today. However, I do stand behind what I said.
Since your dad is such a fan of email, maybe you should email him some of what you just shared with us. Let him know that you try to do as much as you're capable of, but you have other things of importance in your life too- mainly your own NEW family.

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

Posted by Princessmaris

Well he's in Iraq- so thats not really an option...

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by Princessmaris

Well he's in Iraq- so thats not really an option...

I'm really sorry about that. But I do still believe it's unfair to put everything on your shoulders. Je should be more appreciative of what you do for your family.

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

I'm sorry Marissa.
It stinks that you should be made to feel bad. For what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job!!!

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

hmm, it seems you are doing plenty.

your family should appreciate you more.

I give you so much credit, I truly don't know how you deal with it all.

Re: They've gotta be kidding me..

I think you are missing something. You are missing the fact all of these instructions & demands your dad is putting on you probably has nothing to do with you or the help he's asked for , but more about his enormous amount of guilt over being away when his family needs him.

And you need to not feel guilty about telling him that you have too much on your plate right now. If he wants you to pass on a message, tell him to email them himself. Or just forward the email he sent & copy him on it saying "Dad wanted me to tell you xyz".

He's not done with his kids - maybe he's feeling powerless to help out.