True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

My FSIL told my FH that as long as he has this attitude they will never have a relationship and our marriage would never last..but I thought that is the whole point??? That's what they said in Pre-Cana anyway. Your spouse is your new family, and that comes before parents, friends, etc etc.

Thoughts on this?

Come on 7M!

ETA: She doesn't like that he always defends me/takes my side/consults with me on big decisions. FH's family thinks he's too good to me in general actually.

I have a lot of issues with my ILs. a LOT. I actually typed a whole post about it yesterday and got logged out. But I don't ever try to keep FH from them at all. They're not close, but none of that is because I keep FH from them, it's because of a whole heap of issues.

ETA2: When she said they wouldn't have a relationship she didn't mean that like he was being with me to the exclusion of her. She meant that as long as he had that attitude, she would not associate with him

Message edited 1/5/2011 1:11:39 PM.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

i guess it depends what kind of attitude he has... what is it about his attitude that means that he wont have a relationship with his family still?

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

For me it is true. I do not have children yet so I can't comment on that. And this is not to say that I won't do anything and everything for my/his parents, bro, sil's. But ultimately my DH is my numero uno.

Message edited 1/5/2011 1:06:14 PM.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

I would say it's true, at least before you have kids. Then they come first, but your spouse comes second. Unless he is an a-hole. Than he comes after all the other relatives who are nicer.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

im inclined to say false.
if its true/false, then false.
so many variables can come into play.
i hate true/false questions.
probably why i always had difficulty in social studies as a youngster!

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your so comes first once you are married, Of course unless he is a mama boy then I say RUN and DONT look back

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Its a hard thing to say now that I have a baby.. I wouldnt want to choose..But If i had to choose in life and death it would be my daughter. My DH wouldnt have me choose him over her..He would never forgive me.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

My mom told me this before I got married. She said of course you love your children, but one day they are going to go out and live their own lives and it's just going to be the two of you. You don't want to turn around and look at your DH after your children go off on their own and say, "Who are you?"

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

My husband still comes first, even before my daughter (after taking care of her physical needs of course). I learned it in precana and I try to follow it every single day.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

ABSOLUTELY my husband comes first.

I have been having have some issues lately - it seems as if I'm putting my mom and my job first - I'm working on reversing that.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

To me it's true. DH became my family and any decision that I make affects the both of us. So he will come first before anyone else. That was the hardest thing to get used to

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Yes, my DH comes before the rest of our families (except for our kids) but that doesn't mean I don't have a relationship with my brother any more. Like most things in life, it's fluid and changes.

If anything, now that we are both parents our relationship has gotten closer again since our lifestyles are more alike again. When I first had kids he was still single and we didn't hang out as much. Now we get together a lot with our families, we talk about problems our kids are having and bounce ideas off each other (or just vent) it's nice.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

I don't think this is a statement that works with the only options being true/false.

I am married to my DH and he is everything to me. I will do anything and everything I can for him.

But I also have children and other family that are a part of my world.

I wouldn't put people in an order of who comes first. I think it all depends on what is happening at any given point in time.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

I am going to say *I* come first, in terms of loving myself and taking care of my own happiness.

I do think spouse trumps other family members, parents, siblings, etc. but it's harder to say that when you have children. When they are very small, sometimes the children have to come first, other times you can put spouse first.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

In my marriage, and I can only speak for myself, my DH comes first and vice versa. This includes children, parents, siblings, friends, etc. I do have two stepchildren and both DH and I agree that we come first, we are a solid foundation as a combined unit FOR them. If we fall apart, then everything falls apart. Therefore, our love and happiness comes first to benefit our family. With that being said, that doesn't mean if my SD or SS needed me, i would automatically cater to my DH first....it would depend who needs me more at that moment but ultimately, my DH and I are as one.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

I put him first.
But he didn't put me first.

So that totally failed.

Message edited 1/5/2011 1:13:08 PM.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

To me, it's true. We do not have children, so I cannot say in that regard yet. However, that does not mean that I always have to agree with him, or that we do not have our own lives, etc.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Absolutely true!!

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

My answer - I think your spouse comes first. I don't have kids, but I think your relationship with your spouse needs to also to a degree some before your children because as a PP said if your marrige falls apart, it all falls apart, for the kids too. That doesn't mean other people and things (like career, house, etc) are not extremely important, but that your spouse is primary.

Of course there are times when you need to prioritize things differently, like if a family member is in need of care, or you are ill, etc etc. But you should still be mindful of what that all means in the context of your marriage, IMO.

FH and I consider each other the primary relationsip in our lives, and that's just not something his family is willing to accept for some reason.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Message edited 1/5/2011 1:19:38 PM.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

It is 100% true.

Even if you have kids, your marraige is more important and should come first.

Too many parents get caught up in the kids and loose their relationship.

But my DH is more important than anything. We work on our relationship and have the same mindset.

You SO should come first, above all else. This does not mean there are grey areas and flexability.

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Re: True or False: "Marriage Means Your Spouse Comes First"

Message edited 1/5/2011 1:26:49 PM.