What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

My grandmother passed away last night The wake is scheduled for Sunday and the funeral on Monday. I am not worried about TJ, I can leave him with my friend. But I dont know what to do with Derek. We will be busy all day. I dont know if I should just keep him with me or leave him with someone. He still naps twice a day.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

When my grandmother passed away I left them at home. I didn't want them to see me, my brother, and my mother so upset.

ETA: Plus, it was an open casket and I figured that would freak them out.

Message edited 8/19/2010 7:43:14 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

Depends on the age. When DH's grandmother passed away Mason was 7.5 months. He slept through the funeral.
When DH's Aunt passed away a few months ago I wound up bringing him, but he was loud and wanted to be off so I had to take him out during the service and sit with him in another room.


ETA - these were also Jewish funerals so it's different. No open casket or any wakes. The funeral is done pretty fast and then we go back to pple's homes so Mason was fine when they were sitting shiva b/c there were other kids coming and going

Message edited 8/19/2010 7:45:51 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

Posted by jellybean1420

Posted by CathyB

When my grandmother passed away I left them at home. I didn't want them to see me, my brother, and my mother so upset.

That's how I feel. I was VERY close with my grandmother and really just want the time for myself. I dont know if that is selfish or not I just want to be able to say goodbye without chasing after a toddler or listening to a baby whine.

I just feel bad because it is a long day for both for me to leave them with someone. Plus everyone that I would normally leave him with will be at the funeral.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I'm sorry for your loss Crissy I am around Sunday, if you need someone to leave them with.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I don't know how old your LOs are, but I agree with the PP about their ages being important.

DH's grandfather passed away when DS was 15 mos old and we brought him to the wakes as well as to the funeral.

I don't regret bringing him to the wake, but despite a lot of our family members telling us they welcomed his giggles, his 'vibrant' personality, the sound of his running feet on the floors, etc. at the funeral, DH and I both regret that we brought him to the actual mass.

Instead of saying our goodbyes to Grandpa and saluting his life, we spent the hour chasing a toddler, yelling "Shhhhh" as quietly as we could in the church, and finally I had to excuse myself with DC after he pooped during the communion part. I would have preferred to have focused on Grandpa's life, JMO.

ETA I am sorry for your loss and even sorrier that I didn't say that before I replied.

Message edited 8/19/2010 10:12:32 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I am so sorry!

When my grandfather died Jack was just a year old. I brought him to everything bc he wouldn't remember anyway.

When my uncle just passed away in December (Jack was 2.5 and Tyler was 2 mnths) I didn't bring them to anything. Jack would have been too much of a disturbance (and since I had a sitter for Jack they just watched Ty too!)

At the age your boys are at now, and the fact that this is your grandmother I wouldn't bring them. You don't want to chase them around all day long. Is there anyone in DH's family who can watch them?

I'm so sorry again

ETA: James did stay home with the boys one night when my uncle passed bc we didn't have a sitter.

Message edited 8/19/2010 8:09:29 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I am sorry for your loss! If I was home Monday, I would watch Derek for you.
Thinking of you xo

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I am sorry for your loss

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I only had E when my grandfather died - we brought her to everything. I'm so sorry

ETA - I don't think I have any plans on Sunday, so if you want me to watch Derek I can.

Message edited 8/19/2010 9:30:37 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

When my grandma passed away, I brought my children with me. They were all very close with her, and I wanted them to see us all celebrating her and her life. They were 1, 3, and 4 at the time. Its what she would have wanted and my children got to see a lot of family they otherwise would never have seen. It was an open casket, I kept them in the back of the room, and I was really glad to have them with me. I know that my grandmas sisters really enjoyed having them there too

Message edited 8/19/2010 9:31:49 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

Sorry for your loss

When my grandfather passed away in May, my first reaction was to leave him home with my MIL but my dad said that my papa would want him there. DS was 2 1/2 and he kind of understood but not really but he did get to say "good-bye great papa". The funeral home had a lounge with a tv and a kids toy plus DH was "in charge" of DS for the day. Also, so many family members were there, and everyone needs a break during the day and DS was a happy break.

Same thing for the funeral, DH was the babysitter basically and practically missed the whole mass but I would do the same if it were his family.

This was my experience, you have to do what is comfortable for you.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I'm so sorry. My cousin died in July, and I left DS home with DH and went with my mother. The funeral parlor did have a kid's room with toys and books, but I thought DS might run around grabbing all the flowers,etc.

Everyone understood DH's absence, and since it was my family, it wasn't as big a deal that DH missed it.

Message edited 8/19/2010 10:22:56 AM.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

sorry for your loss
my grandfather passed away 3 weeks ago. i have a 2 year old and a 3month old. I took the baby with me to everything. she was a welcomed distraction at times and the family enjoyed seeing her. i kept her in the stroller a lot and that is where she napped. I brought my toddler to night session of the wake and then to the whole funeral. both worked out well. i think my grandfather would have liked them there. my 2 year was told that "big grandpa is sleeping" and then she played the rest of the time.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

Posted by jellybean1420

Posted by CathyB

When my grandmother passed away I left them at home. I didn't want them to see me, my brother, and my mother so upset.

That's how I feel. I was VERY close with my grandmother and really just want the time for myself. I dont know if that is selfish or not I just want to be able to say goodbye without chasing after a toddler or listening to a baby whine.

I just feel bad because it is a long day for both for me to leave them with someone. Plus everyone that I would normally leave him with will be at the funeral.

Re: What did you do with DC for wake/funeral?

I'm sorry for your loss

My grandmother passed away in May and we had DD (who is 2) at the wake and funeral.