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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Save the dates and Inviting guests
I did SIL's save the dates and sent out about 55-60 cards. Im now doing the wedding invites for october and she has about 55 invites going out (from what she said). she says to me "but im cutting a few pple off that list." So i say "did they get a save the date?"
they sure did..she seems to think b/c these people got an STD card but didn't mention it to her at their recent get together, or talk about the wedding, that they are not interested and probably dont want to go.
I almost died. Please help me convince her this is a no no.
I mean..if someone got an STD card and then expects an invite, to not get one....thats wrong. at least let the person decide if they want to go or not.
She seems to think otherwise.
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Posted 7/27/10 12:01 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Wow. She's going to offend a lot of people if she does that! Just because someone doesn't mention your wedding when they see you doesn't mean they don't want to go! Ask her how she'd feel if that was done to her.
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:06 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
I agree with you completely! This is why I am not a fan of save the date cards. If they had a big falling out is one thing but not responding to a STD has nothing to do with their intentions of attending the wedding. These people could have passed up other invites or travel plans to keep that date open - as a courtesy they should still receive an official invitation.
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:06 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
You cannot send a save the date and then not invite them to the wedding. This is why save the dates shouldn't go out!!!
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:08 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Posted by Christine
I agree with you completely! This is why I am not a fan of save the date cards. If they had a big falling out is one thing but not responding to a STD has nothing to do with their intentions of attending the wedding. These people could have passed up other invites or travel plans to keep that date open - as a courtesy they should still receive an official invitation.
YESS!! AND ITS A DESTINATION WEDDING UPSTATE. but she has no idea who blocked hotel rooms..i dont think the hotel can tell her that info?
but holy crap..what if they booked a room or made arrangements.
I think since im doing the invites, i should just send them..LOL
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:08 PM |
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julesrbf
Baby Girl
Member since 6/09 3882 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
My co-worker did this. She sent STDs to myself and my friend C. I was invited to her wedding, C was not. Very awkward and super rude.
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:21 PM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
absolutely can not do that! if they got a std then they get an invite- they will decide if they are going. hey maybe tell her if they dont show up she may still get a nice gift from the no's 
also the hotel should be able to tell her who blocked rooms- the hotel that we used for my wedding did that no problem
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:24 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Wow. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You send a STD, you invite them. Not everyone is obligated to discuss your wedding at every event. It doesn't mean they aren't happy for you.
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| Posted 7/27/10 12:31 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Posted by Peainapod
..she seems to think b/c these people got an STD card but didn't mention it to her at their recent get together, or talk about the wedding, that they are not interested and probably dont want to go.
Wow. so because someone didn't ask her about her wedding at a get together, they're not going to be invited? that's pretty self centered of her.
Hey, just tell her its that many fewer gifts she'll be getting if she doesn't invite those people
Sorry, but that's just wrong. If you took the time to tell people about the date, then people are going to assume that they're invited and may have already made plans accordingly. It's a pretty selfish and rude thing to essentially 'uninvite' someone like that IMO
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| Posted 7/27/10 3:29 PM |
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capricorn75
J-E-T-S
Member since 5/05 1645 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
OMG!! NO, NO, NO!!! She can't send a std and then not invite them! So incredibly rude and wrong!
Maybe show her these responses so she sees.
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| Posted 7/27/10 3:34 PM |
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
I wanted to do this for my wedding (things turned awkward in my lab after my advisor was denied tenure) BUT I knew I couldn't because I sent out save the dates! Really she HAS to invite everyone now.
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| Posted 7/27/10 3:46 PM |
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Straight from Emily Post
One thing hasn't changed: Anyone who receives a save-the-date notice, whether in the form of an e-mail or an engraved card, must receive an invitation to the wedding.
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| Posted 7/27/10 3:50 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Extremely Rude!
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| Posted 7/27/10 3:57 PM |
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shelby34
Love being a twin mommy!
Member since 5/07 2934 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
Yeah, you really can't do that. If they aren't interested in coming, then they won't come. But, you have to send invites to people you sent STDs to....
When I get an STD, I mark the date in my planner even before I get the invite...that's what they are for, right?!?
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| Posted 7/27/10 4:38 PM |
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FireBelle10
LIF Infant
Member since 5/10 300 total posts
Name:
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
YESS!! AND ITS A DESTINATION WEDDING UPSTATE. but she has no idea who blocked hotel rooms..i dont think the hotel can tell her that info?
but holy crap..what if they booked a room or made arrangements.
I think since im doing the invites, i should just send them..LOL
I think this is a big no no too.... BUT if she's gonna do it anyway, she should be able to get info from the hotel if she set a block of rooms aside specifically for her wedding. When i got married, I was given a print out of the names of people who reserved rooms in my wedding block so that i could personalize their hospitality bags.... so she should at least find out who booked rooms before deciding not to invite people
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| Posted 7/27/10 4:52 PM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
I would NEVER do that. Huge no-no.
What is she thinking?!?!?!?!?!
It happened to my brother - one of his HS friends that he really didn't talk to anymore sent him a STD and then didn't send him an invite.
They used to be really close and just drifted apart, my bro was actually looking forward to going. It hurt him.
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| Posted 7/27/10 5:24 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Save the dates and Inviting guests
This is a complete and total No No. While I would not go behind the bride's back and send out invites, I would tell her how wrong she is and that she has to send out invites to anyone she sent a save the date to. As a pre-wedding present, or shower gift, give her a copy of Emily post with this point highlighted.
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| Posted 7/27/10 5:30 PM |
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