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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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There just has to be an answer out there...
For those of you who have been following my outta control teen brother stories...
Things have just gotten so bad...
I recently posted that he had gotten a ticket for littering... and had to go to court...My mom had high hopes that this was "Gods way" of taking care of things... that my brother would be sentenced to community service, and would learn a lesson...
WRONG!
Last week was his court date... 1st off the cop wrote the wrong date and time on the ticket, so when they showed up, the court house wasnt even opened, they waited around until it did. My mom told whoever it was she dealt with, that she didnt want my brother to have to miss yet ANOTHER day of school because of this (because he hardly goes to school to begin with)So the took him in, that day. He had 2 choices...plead not guilty and get a lawyer or pay a $15 fine....YEP 15 BUCKS THATS ALL...HE MISSED SCHOOL AND LEARNED NO LESSON!!!
Now last night my mom (who is a VERY heavy sleeper) fell asleep on the couch...woke up this morning, with all 4 prongs to her e-ring lifted straight up perfectly, and the diamond MISSING...
She immediately thought it was stolen, but thought no one couldve done it since my brother was the only one home and she didnt want to think he would do something like this, She brought it to her jewler (where she has the insurance on the ring) who said this was done due to theft- it was evident...SURE ENOUGH my mom found some tool thing in his room.... My brother is acting so guilty (or so my mom says) so shes pretty positive he stole it....
Apparently his drug problem is worse than we thought...
Everytime my brother is spoken too, he goes on and on about how he CAN DO DRUGS, AND HE HAS RIGHTS because THE COPS TOLD HIM SO THE DAY THEY WERE THERE (well as far as drugs are concerned the cops told him that he can be under the influence and not be punished- as long as hes not caught in the act- hes innocent)
My mother is beside herself-shes scared of him to the point where she'll now lock her bedroom door at night...He just does whatever the he ll he wants...and theres no stopping him...
Please...someone, please advise on where to go from here...
Message edited 4/9/2006 7:47:13 PM.
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Posted 4/9/06 7:45 PM  |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Have your mom read these two books
Tough Love: How Parents Can Deal With Drug Abuse
Tough love
It may help her.
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:50 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
i think i would kick my kid out of the house
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:52 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Redhead
i think i would kick my kid out of the house
You really cant though... not if he's a minor...
ETA- she wants to help him... while I agree that "tough love" and kicking him out- in the end may be what he needs... You cant just kick them out...
Message edited 4/9/2006 7:53:57 PM.
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:53 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by Redhead
i think i would kick my kid out of the house
You really cant though... not if he's a minor...
that is right...i forget he is a minor
OMG...
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:53 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
My dad just got her that ring...
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:54 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
tough love isn't just "kicking him out" its not militant either. Have her read hte books, it will help.
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| Posted 4/9/06 7:59 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:00 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by DebG
tough love isn't just "kicking him out" its not militant either. Have her read hte books, it will help.
I wasnt refering to your book suggestions... I was just refering to the term in general...
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:02 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
She just needs to keep calling the police. And calling. And calling. And calling. Because one of these days, they WILL catch him in the act. Has she thought about going to an NA meeting to see if anyone there can direct to her to what she can do?
Has she called DAYTOP?
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:02 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by prncssrachel
She just needs to keep calling the police. And calling. And calling. And calling. Because one of these days, they WILL catch him in the act. Has she thought about going to an NA meeting to see if anyone there can direct to her to what she can do?
Has she called DAYTOP?
Im not sure what either of those things are... so Im guessing no...
SHes called family court several times to file a pins petition... she never gets an answer or a retrun call~
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:03 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
WARNING SIGNS OF A DRUG PROBLEM
Denial and more denial
Disrespect of parents & family
Items missing from home
Finding strange items in their room and clothing
Falling school grades
Coming home late
Sleeping late and long
Isolating from family members
Dropping out of sporting & other extra-curricular activities
Always asking for money
Unexplained new clothing & other items
If you or someone you care about needs help call
1-800-2-Daytop (32-9867)
DAYTOP is a program for teens, adults and families dealing with drug abuse. They will absolutely help your mom. She needs to start lower than the courts. NA is narcotics anonymous.
ETA: this is daytops site DAYTOP
Message edited 4/9/2006 8:06:16 PM.
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:05 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
For those whose loved ones are substance abusers, Daytop's Family Association can be a place of refuge where sanity is restored to their lives. Membership is open to anyone whose family member or significant other has abused drugs: those whose loved one is in treatment at Daytop, in treatment at another program, or not yet in treatment at all. The Association is run by family members for family members. They have support groups and informational seminars all designed specifically for those dealing with the effects of someone else's substance use.
Through the Family Association you can:
Receive on-going emotional support when you need it
Regain a perspective on your own life
Let go of the pain and suffering
Understand why your loved one turned to drugs
Learn how to guide your loved one into treatment
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:07 PM |
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bklyngirl
COULD THIS BE MY YEAR??
Member since 6/05 15758 total posts
Name:
Gail
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:09 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Marisa, has your mom contacted the department of social services?
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:14 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
the police, and family court (and phoenix house- but you already know that) are the only places shes contacted...
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:18 PM |
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Holly
Prayers to those who need them
Member since 5/05 6631 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
If he is a minor, can't she get him into an "in house" treatment center? I know this happened with a few people I grew up with. Does her insurance cover anything like that?
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:19 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Princessmaris
the police, and family court (and phoenix house- but you already know that) are the only places shes contacted...
I just fm-ed you
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:20 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
I'm sorry I don't know all the details; I'm new to this site. How old is your brother? You mentioned that he misses a lot of school, has a drug problem and your mother is afriad of him. What is making her afraid? Has he ever been violent or threatened violence? It sounds like she might be able to get an Order of Protection against him that can have a no drug/alcohol clause in it; if she gets one and he is under the influence in the home, he'd be in violation of the OP. As for the PINS petition, you mom should call the Probation Intake Unit of the Family Court 853-5337 and tell them she wants a PINS petition, they will refer her to an agency that is now handling this. The Probation Intake unit is also the place where she'd petition for an Order of Protection.
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:23 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by prncssrachel
She just needs to keep calling the police. And calling. And calling. And calling. Because one of these days, they WILL catch him in the act. Has she thought about going to an NA meeting to see if anyone there can direct to her to what she can do?
Has she called DAYTOP?
Im not sure what either of those things are... so Im guessing no...
SHes called family court several times to file a pins petition... she never gets an answer or a retrun call~
PINS petitions are useless. Both Nassau and Suffolk courts have thousands and thousands of cases and only a few case workers to handle them. I was on a committee at my high school to deal with real problem kids and the PINS petitions are no longer an option for us due to the overwhelming case overload.
I can't believe your brother stole your mom's engagement ring. He has a SERIOUS problem. In any way, shape or form, helping him (and yes, I mean anything short of committing him to an in-patient treatment facility) is enabling him. I know your mom doesn't want to kick him out but the way it is now, he is able to do what he wants to do. Something needs to happen, and drastically, to rock his world.
Please have your mom contact Daytop. Even though he is not attending school regularly there should be a social worker who could also help your mom get him into a drug treatment facility.
The entire family needs to have a meeting... an intervention, with a counselor. That way everyone is on the same page and no one will inadvertently enable your brother.
I wish you the best of luck.
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:24 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Holly
If he is a minor, can't she get him into an "in house" treatment center? I know this happened with a few people I grew up with. Does her insurance cover anything like that?
These houses (well I know phoenix house @ least) dont take ins.
And they do not hold them there against there will.... So if my brother decides he dosent need help... then he can just walk right out the door....
Rach- right back @ ya'
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:24 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Wendy1220
I'm sorry I don't know all the details; I'm new to this site. How old is your brother? You mentioned that he misses a lot of school, has a drug problem and your mother is afriad of him. What is making her afraid? Has he ever been violent or threatened violence? It sounds like she might be able to get an Order of Protection against him that can have a no drug/alcohol clause in it; if she gets one and he is under the influence in the home, he'd be in violation of the OP. As for the PINS petition, you mom should call the Probation Intake Unit of the Family Court 853-5337 and tell them she wants a PINS petition, they will refer her to an agency that is now handling this. The Probation Intake unit is also the place where she'd petition for an Order of Protection.
My brother is 16..
Violent meaning, he breaks things, punches holes in the wall... YES... has he hit her... no- @ least not yet... but Id put nothing passed him when hes in a fit of rage...
As far as school goes, he goes to school and then just leaves or cuts classes... and I have to say my mom has contacted, the principal, the dean, social worker, and guidance counselors and they are all USELESS... THEY CANT BE BOTHERED!
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:28 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
first I think she should call the police and file a report that her diamond was stolen. If they can investigate and arrest him (sad to say) but this is probably how he will get the most help. The courts get very involved with adolescent offenders in seeing they get treatment. BUt in the least she needs to file a stolen property report and file with the insurance company. They will investiagte and if he is using it for drugs its probably at a local pawn shop.
How old is he? If he is within the age for a PINS petition she has to actually go to family court to file for one. I believe you can just walk in and do it. He needs to get in some sort of program, while she can not throw him out she can sign him into someplace else.
These are all not easy things to do but it is really tough love, he is going nowhere without it.
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:29 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by prncssrachel
She just needs to keep calling the police. And calling. And calling. And calling. Because one of these days, they WILL catch him in the act. Has she thought about going to an NA meeting to see if anyone there can direct to her to what she can do?
Has she called DAYTOP?
Im not sure what either of those things are... so Im guessing no...
SHes called family court several times to file a pins petition... she never gets an answer or a retrun call~
PINS petitions are useless. Both Nassau and Suffolk courts have thousands and thousands of cases and only a few case workers to handle them. I was on a committee at my high school to deal with real problem kids and the PINS petitions are no longer an option for us due to the overwhelming case overload.
I can't believe your brother stole your mom's engagement ring. He has a SERIOUS problem. In any way, shape or form, helping him (and yes, I mean anything short of committing him to an in-patient treatment facility) is enabling him. I know your mom doesn't want to kick him out but the way it is now, he is able to do what he wants to do. Something needs to happen, and drastically, to rock his world.
Please have your mom contact Daytop. Even though he is not attending school regularly there should be a social worker who could also help your mom get him into a drug treatment facility.
The entire family needs to have a meeting... an intervention, with a counselor. That way everyone is on the same page and no one will inadvertently enable your brother.
I wish you the best of luck.
As far as the impatient thing goes.... nothing holds him there... so my mom can trick him into thinking they are going somewhere else, and leave him there... but they are all open door policies... so he can leave whenever he wants....
My mom has heard the same thing about the PINS petition, from quite a few people... but it is to my understanding... she cant get anywhere... w/o getting the PINS pet. 1st!
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:29 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: There just has to be an answer out there...
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by Wendy1220
I'm sorry I don't know all the details; I'm new to this site. How old is your brother? You mentioned that he misses a lot of school, has a drug problem and your mother is afriad of him. What is making her afraid? Has he ever been violent or threatened violence? It sounds like she might be able to get an Order of Protection against him that can have a no drug/alcohol clause in it; if she gets one and he is under the influence in the home, he'd be in violation of the OP. As for the PINS petition, you mom should call the Probation Intake Unit of the Family Court 853-5337 and tell them she wants a PINS petition, they will refer her to an agency that is now handling this. The Probation Intake unit is also the place where she'd petition for an Order of Protection.
My brother is 16..
Violent meaning, he breaks things, punches holes in the wall... YES... has he hit her... no- @ least not yet... but Id put nothing passed him when hes in a fit of rage...
As far as school goes, he goes to school and then just leaves or cuts classes... and I have to say my mom has contacted, the principal, the dean, social worker, and guidance counselors and they are all USELESS... THEY CANT BE BOTHERED!
I think she can still get help from the court. I sent you FM.
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| Posted 4/9/06 8:31 PM |
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