When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Had appt yesterday...Dr said at 32 weeks we will come up with birthplan.

He thinks I am a good candidate. He will let me go to 41 weeks on my own, then do a c-section.

DH doesn't understand this at all. he said its my choice, but i know he would just like it scheduled

Message edited 9/25/2009 10:10:47 AM.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

For me, zero.

I haven't decided yet if I want to try for a VBAC when we have another child. If I am a good candiate I think I would like to experience labor and delivery because I wasn't able to the first time.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

in our relationship, I would give my dh considerable weight in the decision.

mostly b/c there are risks involved, and either way it's a major deal. I would not feel right not allowing him a voice and a say, since even though it's MY body, it's OUR family and OUR life, especially since we would already have one child.

we would really hash it out...I don't think I could do anything with my health that dh was not comfortable with. it's scary enough watching someone you love go through something like that..

good luck!!!

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

DH has no say as of right now. i've explained the risks to him, and he trusts that my doctors will do what's best. he knows how strongly i feel about wanting a VBAC and he's very supportive. i know him though - he's not even thinking about the risks. he puts everything out of his mind until the last possible second. he's just not a worrier.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

In terms of his way or the high way, no, it is not like that. I mean DH can express his POV but really when it comes down to it, you are the patient. It is up to you and your obgyn to make that decision. I mean f you are unconscious then yeah I suppose DH would have more "say," if you made him your health care proxy but other than that, you can kick him out of the room if it came to it.

Personally, my DH had been pushing for a VBAC. Midway through my pregnancy, I signed the VBAC consent form so theoretically if I went into labor before Wednesday I can have a VBAC even if my obgyn is not available. If everything goes to plan though I will be a repeat c/s next week. As of my last appointment DD was transverse making a VBAC a moot point in my case. I have my final appointment before my repeat c/s today so we will see if she moved. I think she may have.

ETA: We came to a mutual decision that was good for us. If I went early and am favorable I will try for a VBAC but only for a short time period b/c I don't want to labor forever and fail. With DS I was 10 cm dialated and 100% effaced but b/c he was a footling breech, I never even attempted to push. He was not engaged at all. For the majority of this pregnancy, DD has been transverse breech so unless she moved last night (and I do feel like she is in a different position) I will be a repeat c/s next week.

Message edited 9/25/2009 10:35:30 AM.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

For me (when we were going to attempt it with DS) I needed DH to be on my side 100%. I was scared I was going to change my mind or let my dr's convince me to go with a repeat c/s, and I needed DH to not pressure me as well.

DS ended up being transverse and I needed a c/s anyway, but it was nice to have him behind me 100%.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

thanks!

DH figured I would be scheduled at 39 weeks...if I went into labor on my own before then, he was comfortable with a vbac.

now he is picturing us overdo...waiting for me to rupture at 41 weeks.

can i add, i had a scheduled c on a monday afternoon and this guy hyperventilated in the car to the hospital? my mother was in backseat looking for something for him to breathe into. get to hospital, he has a nervous stomach the entire time i was in triage? he was a holy handful.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Your post kind of makes me feel bad now about how I treated my DH. Not a VBAC issue but DH and I did get into a little tif when I decided to see a midwife this pregnancy. I had some complications with my last pregnancy and in his mind a doctor should be monitoring me. As a labor and delivery nurse I feel this is where I have great knowledge and never even considered letting DH now what decisions I made. I'll have to make a conscious effort to let him voice his opinions and better educate him on topics like this from now on.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

In my opinion my husband doesn't have a say its soemthing that you are going to go through not him. I will talk to him about it but at the end of the day its whats best for you.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

I am going for a VBAC. Luckily, DH is onboard. But if he was really really really set against it (after fully understanding all issues) then I would respect his wishes. It is our baby and I believe he should have a say in how it is brought into this world.

I am going into this knowing that I may end up with another c-section and that is ok with me too. I would just like to avoid the surgery if possible, I did not enjoy my recovery.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

I would listen to my husband, than completely disregard his opinoin. No just kidding, but in reality knowing that you had the c-section to fall back on anyway, I would say, my body, my choices.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

I think that if you are a good candidate for a c-section and your doctors are behind you, you can also get your DH behind you.

At my first appointment my doctor said there was no way I could have a VBAC (not that I wanted one - I'm too much of a chicken) because I make babies that are too big to come out vaginally. I am smaller framed and this kid is said to be around 9.5-10lbs like Jack was.

With Jack - two weeks late - I wasn't even a centimeter dialated! He didn't descend at all.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

DH left the decision to me. He understands that either way I'M the one who is going to be in pain. He's also in the medical field and has seen countless c-sections. he understands the risks of both VBAC and C/S.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

My DH and DD were a HUGE factor in my decision to not go ahead with a VBAC.

As much as I wanted to...and yes, it is my body and something I would have liked to try for...but considering the tiny, small possibility of something, GOD forbid, going wrong, I couldn't leave my husband, without a wife, maybe a child, leaving him a single parent.

FOR ME (this is how I FEEL)...I could not be selfish in choosing to do something where there is the possibility of something happening to me and/or the baby. This was a decision we made as a family.

Message edited 9/25/2009 12:30:43 PM.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Well I will throw this out there as devil's advocate. For me DH was 50% of the decision - which wasn't much of a decision b.c I WASN"T a good candidate for VBAC.

However I look at it this way - YES it IS my body that is at risk - if it goes wrong I could end up with a hystorectomy or worse.

BUT having said that VBAC is also a risk to the baby. The baby might be growing inside of me but it is 50% DH's child as well. So my question is when you think about it - how will your DH factor into the decision IF you decide to VBAC and something goes horrible wrong. If you will want DH's support, both emotionally and financially if you end up with a rupture and a severely brain damaged baby who needs life long care - seeing as he helped create the baby should he be a part of the decision?

I guess what I'm saying is that yes it is your body but if something goes wrong with the baby how do you feel your DH should be a part of that - should he have any say seeing as he helped create the baby and might have to help care for it down the road if something happens (minus negligence - but only for a bad outcome).

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

Once DH knew what could happen if I deliver vaginally, he said no way.

He saw me go through hell when I was in labor with DD.

And what could happen with this one could be a 100000 times worse.

He does not think it is worth the risk, to the baby or myself.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

hmmm, probably no pull . when I was in labor about to deliver DC, I wanted a c section he did not want me to have surgery. I didn't listen to him at all

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

He was completely 100% supportive & he wanted it to happen just as much as I did. He knew how important it was to me. I told him the risks, but I also told him the likelyhood of those things happening. He trusted my judgement & he trusted my midwives to keep me & DS safe. I even found out from my mom after DS was born that when my labor was taking forever & I started crying at one point because I thought for sure I was going to end up with another section that DS spoke to my midwife & said "As long as they are both safe, please don't push a c-section on her. She'll be devistated if this doesn't work for no reason & I don't want to see her upset like that." My midwife assured him that wouldn't happen & we were in good hands.

I am so glad that I had his support, but I think I would've probably wanted to try it either way. I was a good candidate & I felt confident that I was safe.

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

None.....I stand by if you do not have a uterus you have no choice in: what I wear, what I eat, and how I will deliver this baby. No uterus...no pull

Re: When considering a VBAC, how much pull does DH have in decision?

I think its important to remember that although there is a risk of uterine rupture with a VBAC amoung other risks, there is also risks with a c/s. What if you develop a blood clot after surgery that causes a pulmonary embolism, what if you develop a serious infection at the incision site or if the incision itself does not heal properly. It seems as if a picture is being painted of VBACs having more risks than c/s and thats not true.

There are always alot of "what ifs" so I think its best to decide with your doctor if you are a candidate for VBAC, also discuss the risks of both VBAC and c/s and then discuss it with your partner. You both should feel comfortable with your decision. JMO