Why do some women feel the need. . .

to terrify pregnant women about the horrors of labor? I am not sure what the appeal is.

At work, every time we get together for something with a pregnant woman, the entire meal is all about the pain and suffering of labor in detail. My pregnant coworker was almost in tears, NOT responding at all - so why continue?

I mean gruesome detail of the entire experience, how is that helpful? But without fail, that is all they talk about!

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

YES! I have seen this happen before too- it terifies me and I am not even pregnant- cant imagine how the pregnant people feel listening to that!

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

After a completely different topic of conversation I had with my sisters this weekend we came to the conclusion that women tend to focus on the negative than the positive.

For instance, we were discussing one of my sister's Debbie Downer friends that she had hung out with the night before. All we talked about was what a PITA this friend of her's was and how she was a complete embarassment. We realized we never even asked our sister how her night was otherwise... we immediately wanted to know what went wrong.

I think for some, it's more interesting (dare-say fun) to discuss the drama and the negative stuff than the fun, pleasant and positive stuff.

It's completely f'd up, but it is what it is.

I feel so bad for your preggo friend.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I am having a repeat c/s next week. DH called me to tell me that my l&d was the topic of lunch with his coworkers today. Everyone else but DH is female. They were trying to compare regular delivery with the c/s and the amount of pain one is in. DH was so upset about the conversation.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by Tilde

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

I understand talking about the EVENTS of the day (I felt the contractions, my husband drove me to the hospital). Okay that is helpful and I understand it BUT (these are direct quotes):

they say you forget, but i will never forget that pain

i have never suffered like that in my life

i thought i was dying and i wished for death

it would have been less painful to be ripped in half violently

etc.

The only purpose of these statements is to terrify other woman - how is that supportive!

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I don't allow other women to talk to me about their birthing experience.

every single one is different. I think it's quite obvious that anything between 6-12 pounds coming out of my vagina is going to smart AT LEAST a little.

I am fully aware that there are complications. I don't need anyone to tell me that my blood pressure could drop, the baby's could drop and we could need emergency surgery.

I know I could be in for a stage 5 tear from vagina to rectum if the baby is big enough/comes fast enough.

I know that techically, that child could leave the hospital motherless if it REALLY gets bad.

I'd like to focus on the baby, thanks. I have my dr. to prepare me for what could happen. if she's not trying to scare the ever loving shyt out of me, no one else should either.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

When I was pregnant I wanted people's details. But then again, I am the kind of person who doesn't mind knowing the end of a movie before I see it.

Honestly, I feel like when you are pregnant people say the dumbest things to you and don't even realize. These women probably meant no harm but maybe could have "phrased" it differently.

Your friend better get used to it though because people make increasingly dumb comments once you have the baby.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Tilde

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

I understand talking about the EVENTS of the day (I felt the contractions, my husband drove me to the hospital). Okay that is helpful and I understand it BUT (these are direct quotes):

they say you forget, but i will never forget that pain

i have never suffered like that in my life

i thought i was dying and i wished for death

it would have been less painful to be ripped in half violently

etc.

The only purpose of these statements is to terrify other woman - how is that supportive!

No its not the only purpose, its just TRUE, its not an exaggeration, its honest to god true for a lot of women.

I dont ever think the intent is to scare but rather to prepare.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by Tilde

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Tilde

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

I understand talking about the EVENTS of the day (I felt the contractions, my husband drove me to the hospital). Okay that is helpful and I understand it BUT (these are direct quotes):

they say you forget, but i will never forget that pain

i have never suffered like that in my life

i thought i was dying and i wished for death

it would have been less painful to be ripped in half violently

etc.

The only purpose of these statements is to terrify other woman - how is that supportive!

No its not the only purpose, its just TRUE, its not an exaggeration, its honest to god true for a lot of women.

I dont ever think the intent is to scare but rather to prepare.

maybe i would believe that in a private conversation between sisters or best friends, but at a retirement luncheon? i think it is cruel

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Tilde

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by Tilde

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think they think either they are preparing them for it OR that it's one of the biggest things that happened to them so they can't stop thinking about it.

I tell people about mine if it comes up in conversation but I've been accused of downplaying it because they were both a piece of cake.

Signed,
I have a uterus made of steel.

I understand talking about the EVENTS of the day (I felt the contractions, my husband drove me to the hospital). Okay that is helpful and I understand it BUT (these are direct quotes):

they say you forget, but i will never forget that pain

i have never suffered like that in my life

i thought i was dying and i wished for death

it would have been less painful to be ripped in half violently

etc.

The only purpose of these statements is to terrify other woman - how is that supportive!

No its not the only purpose, its just TRUE, its not an exaggeration, its honest to god true for a lot of women.

I dont ever think the intent is to scare but rather to prepare.

maybe i would believe that in a private conversation between sisters or best friends, but at a retirement luncheon? i think it is cruel

well, I said its not its ONLY purpose, LOL

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Those comments are awful. I do think they do it to prepare. And it does help in ways. I was told by my friend (who has an EXTREMELY high tolerance for pain) that it hurt A LOT. If anything that prepared me for the worst pain ever - so much so that when I asked the nurse when is it going to get really bad, she said "You're at 8 cm, I think you'll be fine."

The people I don't get are ones that discuss tragedies from births with anyone that is pregnant. I think those people should have an electronic mute button that we can all press.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Oh, I hated that, too! When they heard I was having a scheduled C-section, I heard all the horrific details of the "excruciating recovery" etc.

NOW......I hear how easy I am having it now (because they are 6 months). I'm getting all the "Just WAIT -- it gets WORSE" stuff and it bugs the crap outta me.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I think its because its the hardest physical thing most women will go through in their life...so when you get through it, and another woman hasn't yet experienced it, we share the details partly because its usually interesting to hear everyones story (they are all so different!!) and part of it is that we're just amazed that our bodies could do it, get through it, recover and then go for another one!

I never mind hearing stories..I don't get queasy or grossed out or horrified...I just always figured that if millions of women have done it and lived so could I, lol!!

If I know though that a woman is scared to death I would refrain from scaring her. I actually had two really really easy experiences and like to share it so that they realize its not always horrific!

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I think it's because having had an experience that someone else hasn't had yet can give someone without a lot of self worth or importance in the world generally a sense of power and control she's never had.

I think people who like to be as fear mongering and cloying as they can be and see how far they can push things with pregnant women are awful, and I always want to tell them straight out "That helps no one," and/or (depending on the comment)" that's really rude & unnecessary, and I wish you wouldn't say things like that."

Just straight out. Sincere. Shut them down. For good.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I find myself telling people how easy my labor and delivery was.....but I think I was lucky.

It's easy!!!! No sweat!!!!

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I always tell women I am just going to have to find something else envy.

I never felt a contraction, never any pressure, pain free c-section and a pain free med free recovery.

bfing...I keep the horror stories to myself unless asked.

I will never forget an argument I witnessed while at the park with my moms group.

one mom was super crunchy, zero meds during birth.

another mom was given an epi that did not work.

third mom's epi wore off just as the ring of fire was occuring.

crunchy mom took offense. told them they cannot call their deliveries drug free. other moms said they could. all while kiddies are running around. who felt more pain then the other.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I am so guilty of this, but then again, my birth story was c-c-crazy...like "Knocked Up" crazy, kind of funny and definitely gruesome.

I work with some sick minded people, so they liked the story. One girl told me she didn't feel well after hearing it.

This thread has opened my eyes to what I could potentially be doing. I never really volunteered the info., but people kept asking questions...

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I hated that too. When a PG woman asks me how it was I usually say sure its painful (duh) but well worth it & you get over it quick once you see the baby.

I only go into the details if a friend or family member asks. I think PG women have enough to worry about without hearing a horror story from someone who gave birth 40 years ago on a cold slab in a hospital hallway.

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

Posted by Snickers

I am so guilty of this, but then again, my birth story was c-c-crazy...like "Knocked Up" crazy, kind of funny and definitely gruesome.

I work with some sick minded people, so they liked the story. One girl told me she didn't feel well after hearing it.

This thread has opened my eyes to what I could potentially be doing. I never really volunteered the info., but people kept asking questions...

Re: Why do some women feel the need. . .

I hate the way people feel free to evaluate the way in which a pregnant woman acts, looks, etc.

Like she is wearing a kick-me sign, and it's open season to scare/evaluate/judge her in a way that it is not OK to do to anyone else.

Total pet peeve of mine, and I have decided to gently and sweetly but firmly stand up for people when this happens from now on and call the offensive person out on it. It's the only way to get rid of the belief that acting like that is alright.