another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

a little background to the story: last month my mother took a vacation with her friends to niagra falls and into canada. she is presently looking into going to miami for thanksgiving. oh, she recently sold her car because she was given a newer one (i don't know who, how, or why... and i don't want to know)


so, last weekend, i went to my mother's. while i was there, she colored my hair. she was washing the equipment, when she mentioned how money was tight. she said that she had a bill due ($200) immediately. somehow, she snuck in asking me to lend her the money.

our relationship is a text-book dysfunctional one, but i'm trying to be nice and keep my distance. i told her that my roommate was a little late in the rent and that when i had it i would lend it to her (i had $8.33 in my checking account).

she said, "well, just give it me from all the money you're saving."

i didn't want it to become a fight, becaue the morning was going so well. so i pretended i didn't hear her... running water, and all.

i just couldn't believe that she would expect this from me just a half hour after she gave me and tommy the trinkets she bought us on her trip to canada.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

I would not give her the money.

But I would make a point to tell her that she really should look into her expense patterns and not spend money she does not have (apparently!) on souvenirs for you and DS. I would say that the thought was nice but in the future not to put herself in a situation where she needs to ask for money after doing such purchases.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Ahhhh the Grift... as I like to call it when my Mother starts in.

Yeah - easier said then done, but I wouldn't give her a red cent. Tell you are short yourself and need XYZ for DC.

And do not feel guilty, she needs to stand on her own two feet and be a grown up. If that means not going on vacay because she can't affford it then so be it.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

I agree – do not give her a thing.

Just because you have been successful in changing your spending and have been able to accumulate savings does not mean you’re obligated to lend money to people who choose not to save.

From what I’ve read, you’ve worked hard to get your finances in order (actually, it was your post about some of your success that inspired me to get the Total Money Makeover and start it myself!). Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior ruin that for you.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

You're enabling her manipulative behavior if you give her any money right now. I wouldn't give her a dime.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

**head bowed down and kicking the dirt**

i promise not to mention my finances to my mother who seems to want a free ride off of my hard work.

lesson learned.


i love this place when you guys dish the tough love i love you guys

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Agreed. And she might question you about your finances if you don't talk to her about it. What usually works for me is "The only person I talk about finances with is my husband."

She can only take advantage of you if you let her.

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Money and families RARELY mix well

Re: another "is she ballsy, or is it just me" post

Posted by libby2595

**head bowed down and kicking the dirt**

i promise not to mention my finances to my mother who seems to want a free ride off of my hard work.

lesson learned.


i love this place when you guys dish the tough love i love you guys