work issues for those without children

I'll preface this by saying that I'm the first to volunteer to help out / work late / work weekends when someone else has to deal with family or other personal obligations and I don't... but I've noticed lately that those of us without children are expected to do this more often than those with children.

In addition, I had very important personal plans over Father's Day weekend. I had to cancel them because of work. It's happened before (comes with the territory), but that doesn't make it any easier. I was VERY upset I had to cancel these plans and honestly I've been drowning at work lately and very overwhelmed... but it was important work that needed to get done.

I was discussing with one of my coworkers (who was the entire reason I had to cancel my plans) who said, "well, at least you don't have kids, so it's not THAT bad."

I was so stunned by that comment that I just said, "No, but I have a FATHER who is just as important to ME."

I'm NOT at all complaining that those with kids get the accommodations and flexibility they need. My complaint is more that those of us without kids don't get the same flexibility here (I'm not speaking for anyone else's job) -- or if we do, we get an attitude about it. It's difficult to explain to parents that something in MY personal life is as important to ME as their kids' events, etc. are to them. And, no, I'm not talking about wanting to leave at 2 pm because I want to go to dinner with friends. I'm talking about having to miss my cousin's daughter's college graduation for work or something like not being able to meet the vet for my horses, which happens only once in a blue moon. It's not that I get no flexibility, but I am noticing a double standard when it comes to personal time and flexibility.

I'm not really looking for answers here - I'm dealing as best I can in workaholic land. I'm just wondering if any of the childless people on this board have experienced anything similar.

Re: work issues for those without children

funny that you should post this because I just had a similar discussion with my boss/friend. some of the people that we work with have kids...we have a small group...but it always seems that here is someone out because of a child issue. It seems as if the children are used as an excuse to work from home especially for the men that their wives are stay at home moms. why would he have to work from home if his wife stays home all day to watch the kids?

I dont think it would fly if I said I needed to work from home because my cat needed to be played with. What about the days that 5am jsut seems too early to get up and I want to sleep for a few more hours?

Its not fair because we dont have kids that we dont get the same "rights" as those that do.

I think that companies have to realize that kids or not we as employees should ALL have the same rights as far as time off/flexibility with work hours.

Re: work issues for those without children

Absolutely.....

Let me start by saying that we have the ability to work from home on our PCs.

I wanted to work from home a couple of days because we were having a kitchen installed and I didn't want the workers in our house with no one at home. My DH cannot work from home, so he would have had to take days off from work. When I asked my boss, he said that he didn't want to show preferential treatment. BUT...a co-worker who has children called in from home a couple of days and told our boss that she was working from home because one of her children was sick...yes, I said "told"..she did not ask.

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

Posted by BunnyWife

I'm so sorry your had to cancel your plans.

Re: work issues for those without children

sorry to be crashing.. but I have a child and I completely agree with you.

I work as a teacher and so many of my coworkers use kids as an excuse to "need" first period off or leave early etc. I think that is cr*p. I have a 5 month old and am usually the second person to get to school everyday AND I have a MUCH longer commute. Just cause you have a kid does not mean you should get special privelages.

Also, my boss told a coworker of mine that she should take on a new course as opposed to others in our department since she is "single and has no kids" ARE YOU FREKKIN KIDDING!?!?!?! That does NOT mean she wants to spend all her free time at work

Re: work issues for those without children

Well IMO those people at work without children never have a "good enough" excuse to leave work, come in late, or take a sick day. People just don't sympathize with your personal problems, but when you use your kid as an excuse its "ok". Well I disagree!!!!

Re: work issues for those without children

I get hit with this many times, especially being in IT. If something needs to be done in the middle of the night, I'm always looked at since it's 'easier' for me to do it, and not the parents.

If something breaks off-hours, I am always the one that needs to fix because they say I don't have to worry about getting someone to watch the kids. That would be fine and good if I was compensated for the extra time I put in. But instead I'm expected to cover all the overnights and all the regular days, while the people with kids get by with just the 9-5, even if that long.

Re: work issues for those without children

oh boy! if my co-worker had said that to me, there would have been an HR issue! my fist would have met her eye. how DARE she say that to you??

and I also want to add that I would certainly not agree to work on Father's Day and tell my Dad "sorry, I won't be seeing you today b/c of my selfish co-workers"

NOT happening!

I was JUST complaining about this double standard to my friend yesterday. I work in a group with all woman, everyone including the boss has kids except for me.

now I don't have to pick up anyone's "slack" like you do, but I think it is completely unfair that my co-workers all have arrangements with the boss and they basically come and go as they please. they come in late, take hours for lunch, leave early - and at least one of them does this every single DAY! they have to put their kids on a bus, or go meet the teacher, or go to a school function, or take them to a lacrosse game, or take one to gymnastics, and get this one... one of them left yesterday for an hour and missed the CEO's monthly company meeting so that she could pick up her 18 year old son at home and drive him to the gym!!!!!!! I really can't believe my boss was okay with that. Tell your spoiled brat to take a bus, taxi or ride a bike.

Re: work issues for those without children

Posted by SweetestOfPeas



now I don't have to pick up anyone's "slack" like you do, but I think it is completely unfair that my co-workers all have arrangements with the boss and they basically come and go as they please. they come in late, take hours for lunch, leave early - and at least one of them does this every single DAY! they have to put their kids on a bus, or go meet the teacher, or go to a school function, or take them to a lacrosse game, or take one to gymnastics, and get this one... one of them left yesterday for an hour and missed the CEO's monthly company meeting so that she could pick up her 18 year old son at home and drive him to the gym!!!!!!! I really can't believe my boss was okay with that. Tell your spoiled brat to take a bus, taxi or ride a bike.

Re: work issues for those without children

It is a tough spot. But for me, my FAMILY always come first and I make that clear. So I would not allow my family plans to be disrupted unless everyone in my same or similar position had to disrupt theirs as well. And if it was expected of me for being childless, I'd take it to HR and tell them that there are unfair practices going on. I've never seen an employee handbook that says you are obligated to such and such, "except if you have children"

Re: work issues for those without children

I had this problem at my previous employer, it was grossly unfair at some points.

Once, my grandmother was in the hospital with congestive heart failure and I needed to leave..I was told I had to make up my hours another time. I pitched a total fit b/c the woman I covered used to leave early or come in late b/c of her kids all the time and never made up any time. After that a bunch of us without kids make formal complaints to HR that it unfair and they started giving more leeway to those without kids.

I don't have this problem where I work now.

Re: work issues for those without children

I have DC, and I see the preferential treatment as well. They rarely ask parents to go traveling out of state. It's always the childless people who are requested first. If you don't have a DW/DH, then you are basically guaranteed to be sent out, since you don't have any "family" to think about....

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

Posted by GoldenRod

I have DC, and I see the preferential treatment as well. They rarely ask parents to go traveling out of state. It's always the childless people who are requested first. If you don't have a DW/DH, then you are basically guaranteed to be sent out, since you don't have any "family" to think about....

Re: work issues for those without children

I've been slacking off lately on keeping my playing field level. We have had many situations centered around children... bringing them into the office if there's no one to watch them, coming in late, leaving early, doctors appts, long lunches, etc.

So I do my best to even that out most of the time. I bring my dog to work. When I had my cesspool put in, I went home 2 hours early to oversee the operation. When I had my fence installed, I left an hour early to check it out before they left. Ditto for a big landscaping job I had done. A few times to help my parents babysit my nieces and nephews.

My thing is... If I'm going to be docked vacation time, why should I need to prove to anyone if my reasons are good enough? I've pretty much set the stage from day 1 that the bosses don't make me "prove" my days off are worthy.

There are ways to make it fair for parents and non-parents. Whatever extra consideration is afforded to them, can be applied to others, just in a different way or for different reasons. But let's face it... child problems are a "gimme" and non-parents don't have many situations that are that cut-and-dry.

My boss tried to tell me once that I shouldn't take time off to attend my closing. That I should give that power to my attorney so I don't have to be there. I laughed at him and said, "I want to be there so I'm taking the day." Period! The end!

Ahhh corporate America.

Re: work issues for those without children

My company has definitely gotten better with this, but I STILL see a number of cases where parents get preferential treatment - even paid time off not counted against their allotted time for the year because they "have kids and this was an emergency" or whatever. Well, guess what - non parents have emergencies too, but when we take time off, it gets DOCKED. My thing is that what you do for one employee, you need to do with another, but sometimes the bosses don't get it or just don't care.

Re: work issues for those without children

Not childless here, but I've seen it as well.

It's not right. Use your time you are allotted...no you don't get additional paid sick time because your child is sick.

We had a ton of snow. Plently of people made it in...including those that lived in the city. Someone told me that she shouldn't be charged for a vacation day when she didn't come in, why? Because her kid's school was closed.

I completely understand where you are coming from. You are right. Definitely not right. I'm sorry you missed your weekend.

Re: work issues for those without children

yeah you are right, a lot of groups are like this. my job is like this, I have a kid so I take full advantage! There are a couple ppl who do not have kids that are very bitter toward ppl like me. I figure I may as well use the time while I can!! I come and go as I need

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

Re: work issues for those without children

i experience this at work too (teacher in a nyc public school).

it was compounded by the fact that my husband is a cop who was working 4-12s. it seemed like because of that, i should be willing to stay at work late every single day.

hopefully, my new school will be better :)

Re: work issues for those without children

While I get what you are saying, I need to add my two cents.

I have a 21 month old and I work p/t. While one of my co-workers was out on maternity leave, I offered to work extra hours to help out. I worked an extra 2 nights a week, 6 nights in total for about 3 months.

So while I didn't enjoy working almost every night, I knew it was for DD and that is was only temporary.

So while it did suck that you had to cancel plans, it happens everywhere to all of us.