having another baby to save one you already have

i have been reading "my sister's keeper" - about a girl who was conceived through IVF specifically to be a genetic match for her sister, 3 years older, who has a form of leukemia.

if, GOD FORBID, any of your children were diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, would you consider conceiving another baby through IVF, so that they would be a genetic match for your child that is sick? so that they could donate cord blood, stem cells, bone marrow... and possibly organs?

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

OMG....I was hysterically crying at the end of this book and it was before I even had DS.

To be honest, I don't think I could make a clear decision. But I can see both sides of the story.

In that book the parents went to a genetic specialist to ensure the next baby would be an exact match for everything.

I don't think I could do that. Of course as a mom I would want to do anything and everything possible to save my child. But having another child just to be an ongoing donor is just not right. (Although in their defense she was only supposed to be a bone marrow donor once hoping it would put her sister into remission). It just didn't work out that way.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Given that we wanted 3, but decided to stop at 2 for financial reasons and sanity sake, I think I would. I'm not sure if DH would go for it as I think his ethics are higher than mine.

I read the book and can see the slippery slope you can find yourself in. I would have a hard time seeing both my children in pain and don't think I could put a 3rd child in that situation repeatedly as "parts", but I also can't fathom not doing everything in my power to save my son or daughter.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

I haven't read the book and haven't really thought this through but my first reaction is I would do anything and everything to save my child. I know I would love any child of mine completely so it's not as though I wouldn't love and adore the other child with all of my heart as well. I imagine if I read the book (which I will now), I would think more deeply about this and appreciate the ramifications more so than I do now.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Something very similar to this happened in Suffolk. A child was born with a deadly disease and another child was conceived in the hopes of saving her (cord blood). They followed the story in Newsday for a while. It was very touching and it made me think about it.

I would do it. I would do everything in my power to save my child, even conceiving the perfect match, as long as I knew that the my newest child would also be conceived out of love and pure want for the child. And also knowing that the newest child's life would not be in any risk healthwise....

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

this is so creepy....I actually had a dream about this last night and now there is a thread this morning

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

This book is unbelievable - to anyone who hasn't read it - go get it now. Such an amazing book. LB - did you finish it yet?

As for the original question - I do believe I would do whatever necessary to save my child.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

I would...DH and I have both talked about it and we would do it in a heartbeat to save our child. The only exception is the matter of giving an organ. I don't know that I would take an organ from one child to give to another.

But I will say...that child would forever be held in the most special place in my heart...for bringing even more joy to our lives by joining our family and for saving their sibiling.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

This is one of those topics that you can't truly answer unless you're in that spot yourself....

I feel bad for the "donor" child. It's very likely that they will have the idea in the back of their head that the only reason they were born is for spare parts for their sib (which is at least partly true). Even if you give the 2nd DC as much love as the first, it will still sit in the back of their minds.....

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Its weird. I read book before I was ever pregnant. At the time, all I could think of was how unfair donor daughter's life is. She doesn't get attention for being the sick daughter. Yet, she is a victim to it all.

Now that Josh is here, I would do anything...but at the same time, I would hate to knowingly put my new baby through any unnecessary pain.

I should re-read book...on a night I feel like crying my eyes out.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

If I could have a baby to save DH I would do it in a second. So I would say yes to DS as well.

I don't think I would love that baby any less for the reason he or she was conceived.

But chelle is absolutely right - the communication of the what and the how would be extremely important.

I would explain that he or she was VERY special to us because not only did we have another baby to love, but they were able to help mommy in daddy in a very special way that no one else was able to.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Posted by hbugal

Posted by Summersalwaysinseason

Something very similar to this happened in Suffolk. A child was born with a deadly disease and another child was conceived in the hopes of saving her (cord blood). They followed the story in Newsday for a while. It was very touching and it made me think about it.

I would do it. I would do everything in my power to save my child, even conceiving the perfect match, as long as I knew that the my newest child would also be conceived out of love and pure want for the child. And also knowing that the newest child's life would not be in any risk healthwise....

You know she goes to school with the twins right?... Although she is younger than them...

I cant see doing everything possible to save my child....

When DH and were debating back and forth whether or not to have DS we didnt know what the right answer was...But what we did know was that if we didnt have another child we might wake up someday and think that we should have had another one. We knew though we would never question once he was here...KWIM?

A child is a gift...no matter what...

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

I read the book before I had DD. I felt for the sister, she had no say in anything.

I don't know what I would do. I know I'd do anything for my child(ren), but to go to that extreme....

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

I haven't read the book, but it would be hard to say unless in the situation. I guess it would depend on to what extreme you would have to take it.

Re: having another baby to save one you already have

I can't read that book -

But to answet the question, yes. I probably would - HOWEVER, the only 2 people who would ever know the underlying reasons for our conception timing and method would be myself and DH -