How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

So, I am only about 5 weeks along, and I haven't told too many people, but I did tell my parents and my siblings. My mom wanted me to call my grandmother and tell her (since she hasn't been doing that well) So I tell her, and she basically tells me congrats and has to go. She immediately calls my mother and tells her how horrible it is that I am pregnant because I am overweight. My mom was in complete shock that she said this, she didn't know what to say. I am so, it's not even upset, it's more angry. I have been to my doctor, and while yes, I am not at my ideal weight, I am healthy. How would you handle this?? Sorry for it being so long...

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Anyone??

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Why wouild your mom tell you what she said? You could have done without that.

Sorry they hurt your feelings. You will hear A LOT o crap from EVERYONE, you just need to let it roll off your shoulders.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

FIrst of all congrats!!!! I am sorry your Grandmother said this to you. It hurts but try not to take it to heart - somethings grandmothers say things without thinking . When my grandmother says things to me that are not alwasy appropriate I try not to get upset aand just think to myself she is 84 years old and is not thinking logically. I hope this makes sense

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Posted by JennZ

Why wouild your mom tell you what she said? You could have done without that.

Sorry they hurt your feelings. You will hear A LOT o crap from EVERYONE, you just need to let it roll off your shoulders.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

I echo what these two ladies have said---my first reaction as well was why did your mom share that?

But yeah, people become very ballsy when it comes to OTHERS pregnancy. So many different things fly out of peoples mouths...........you will learn to just let it roll off your shoulders.

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Just know that not everyone will be as excited as you expected them to be- it feels like noone wants to even throw me a shower in my family so I know how hurtful these things can be

Just believe you know what's best for you and DH and enjoy all these 9 months have to offer TOGETHER!

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Thanks ladies... I think my mom told me because my grandmother ALWAYS has something to say about my weight. I have another family member who is anorexic, but to her she looks great. It just really stinks that people, especially family can't feel as elated as we do. Thank you for the advise, I really do appreciate it.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Grandmothers always have something to say. I am sure she will be happy once her grandchild is born.

Unfortunately I don't have any grandmothers who are still alive to say anything to me or my mother about my pregnancy.

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Your mother shouldn't have told you she said that. I do have to agree though that sometimes "older" folks (grandmothers!) say things they just shouldn't say, or just blurt things out without thinking.

I'm 37 now and expecting our first baby, when I got engaged almost 4 years ago, and called my grandmother, she of course was so happy but she said "Oy, I never thought it would happen for you" Ummm...thanks grandma

Try to let it go, you will hear MANY things the next 35 weeks, that you will roll your eyes at! Don't take it to heart!

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Sounds a lot like something my MIL would say. They are nuts and have some nerve commenting on your weight. If you weren't healthy, you body wouldn't let you get pregnant. Tell her to back off- even if she is your grandmother.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Message edited 1/4/2009 2:48:23 AM.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Thanks again ladies... I am definitely going to try to ignore her comments. If the doctors were concerned, they would have said something.

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

Sorry this happened to you, what your grandmother said is certainly not right. I do agree with a lot of the other girls though - a lot of older people tend to say whatever is on their minds, no matter how hurtful and inappropriate. My grandmother used to blurt out stuff like that all the time, she never held her tongue. I just wanted to say try not to take it to heart and also remember how lucky you are to have grandparents still. My Nanny is gone, and I'd give anything to have her back, especially to see her great-grandchild.

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i am so truly sorry that this happened. I read this earlier and my heart HURT for you and have been trying to think of what to say...

Many times - the people in our families have no idea how to react to news and immediately worry. My dad told me that my mom had major concerns about me getting pregnant because of all of my health issues (among them, my weight)...he only told me this because it bothered him and he was venting.

When we told my parents we were pregnant, the FIRST word out of my mom's mouth was, 'what about everything wrong with you?????'. Not - OMG, not, YAY....but what about your problems???

I do agree with the girls - your mom should've kept that comment to herself - but i know my mom wouldn't have either...i feel your pain...if you need to talk - i'm here...

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Thanks Jess... I definitely will take you up on that offer before this baby comes...

Re: How to handle family members who aren't happy for you...

you're totally right, if it were something to be concerned about, your dr. would've said something...and unless your grandma has a PHD, i'd ignore her comments as "helpful" as she may try to make them be

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i agree grandmothers always have something to say mine at least.... my one - when i got pregnant last year- she said congrats- then nothing more- when she saw me on a trip. i know she was thinking about it... but i wasnt eating healthy then, now with this one i am.....

you just have to kind of ignore- the bad comments, and focus on all the great ones you'll be hearing from people. DH's grandparents/parents this will be the first baby in the family so they are tickled pink and i try and focus more on that

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She's old -
You'd THINK as people live LONGER they learn MORE - apparently not. -

You hit a certain age and it somehow becomes acceptable behavior to say whatever the hell you want to whomever ever you want to - And no one calls you on your BS b/c you're old and it's disrespectful to tell an old person they're being a jacka$$ -

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt - the only real advice I can give you is to get used to it and do your best to let things roll off your back .........EVERYONE has an opinion abou how you look, what you eat, how you're carrying, how much weight you'll gain, what you should/shouldn't wear, when you should/shouldn't go to work etc etc etc ........

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I can definitely relate, My grandmother can come out with some real outlandish things, I just have to remember that she is old and I try my hardest to ignore them. I feel for you I really do, but try not to focus on that...focus on the fact that you are going to have a baby and that's the most wonderful thing in the world. This is a time for you to be happy, how ever doesn't want to join you can stay behind!!!

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OMG... I didn't have that happen (yet) with any of my pregnancies but I am sure my family will say something stupid because we are having our third. My grandparents are the same way.

Just a story to show how I can relate a little. When I got engaged I called my grandmother (since my parents were not longer around) and I say "grandma I have great news, we got engaged"....silence and then "so do you take the train to school (I was going for my Master's)"....I wanted to cry. Nothing. Then she tells my aunt that she is outraged that I am getting married so soon after my dad died (1 1/2 year).

Then she asked me when I was pregnant with my my first son how much I had gained so far ---- then she asked how much I weighed before I became pregnant. She told me that my normal weight was what she weighed 9 months pregnant...nice.

I just try to limit my interaction with people like that - even if they are family.

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Thanks guys.... it has really helped reading all your comments. I really appreciate it. You guys are GREAT!!!