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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
So my annoying PIA in-laws were over on Friday and EVERYONE in both my family and DH's has been sick, getting over being sick, or been around someone else who is sick so we're trying to be cautious with the baby to keep her well. So when they were over my SIL went to kiss Emerson on the lips which first of all I feel is a bit much IMO because that to me is a bit too personal...........my DH doesn't even really do it, it's like a mommy thing. But even putting that aside I just feel like with all the germs and sickness going around it was inappropriate to be slobbering all over her and I said as much. They got all bent and said I'm trying to keep her in a bubble and she'll never have a strong immune system. EXCUSE ME!!!!.........first I don't keep her in a bubble, we take her out, we let people hold her but I draw the line at sucking face with my baby. I know she will get sick at some point as every baby and person does but I feel at 10 weeks old it's my responsibility to do the best I can to keep her well and free of germs. I don't think that makes me crazy, I think it makes me a good mom.
What do you think? Would you have done the same thing? I swear my in-laws drive me insane!! And as an aside, considering they NEVER see her or know the first thing about her they are in NO position to even comment on how DH and I choose to handle her. They really just pi$$ me off! 
Message edited 11/30/2008 10:38:42 PM.
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Posted 11/30/08 10:38 PM  |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Oh lord, you were being quite rational if I do say so myself. Your inlaws can shove it!
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:39 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
That would absolutely be unacceptable to me, your baby can get herpes!
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:42 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by prncss
Oh lord, you were being quite rational if I do say so myself. Your inlaws can shove it!
ITA.... you will get all kinds of flak from people IRL (and on here as well) telling you what to do and how to do it.
Do what YOU think is best...and if they don't like it, too bad.
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:43 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
1/ NOBODY kisses MY child on the lips
2/ They were all sick... they should not even come close to the DC. Even for kiss on the forehead.
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:44 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by JandJ1224
That would absolutely be unacceptable to me, your baby can get herpes!
Ewwwwwwwwwww..............you are totally right!!!! I didn't even think of that and I know for a fact that one of his sisters and his mom gets herpes on their lips from time to time. Oh that's even grosser now, I'm glad I said something!!
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:44 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Yikes. I agree with you for sure. That would not fly with me sick or not who knows what she has going on in her mouth 
I used to get that whole immune system line too when I would insist on people washing their hands - keep DS away from sick people etc. My MIL used to say it was a BAD thing that DS never was sick b/f he was 10 months old to say if he is never sick his immune system won't get strong. PLEASE - from what I can see my friends kids that are always getting sick continue to always get sick and those that hardly do - hardly do - so i don't believe that garbage for a minute!
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:45 PM |
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LJSMommy
Love him!
Member since 10/07 3189 total posts
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
People just don't get it
A perfect example.....my MIL was very ill when DS was born. She came to to the hospital while I was in labor & saw DH. She confirmed it to be bronchitis a day or so later I think. FIL showed up & came into the NICU of all places 7 hours after DS was born......um HELLO?!!    We had to tell him to leave & that he could not hold the baby,be near DH, myself or DS. WHy we even had to tell them this is beyond me......did they have any clue he could be carrying whatever MIL had?!!?!?!?!!
You did the right thing !!!
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| Posted 11/30/08 10:47 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
I agree with you that no one should be kissing her ESPECIALLY on the lips with lots of illnesses going around. You're right - she's going to get sick. It doesn't mean you disregard basic common courtesy when you're sick. If I'm sick or getting over an illness, I don't shake hands with someone or even use a store pen to sign a credit card slip so I don't pass it on(ok maybe I'm the only one freak who does that). Even when I interviewed with the flu, I didn't shake hands with my boss. I apologized & explained that I didn't want to pass anything on (it was obvious I was interviewing while sick). Why would kissing an infant be anymore acceptable? Particularly a newborn!
However, I can't say if I agree with your actions because for me it's all on how you delivered the message, kwim?
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| Posted 11/30/08 11:19 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by nrthshgrl
I agree with you that no one should be kissing her ESPECIALLY on the lips with lots of illnesses going around. You're right - she's going to get sick. It doesn't mean you disregard basic common courtesy when you're sick. If I'm sick or getting over an illness, I don't shake hands with someone or even use a store pen to sign a credit card slip so I don't pass it on(ok maybe I'm the only one freak who does that). Even when I interviewed with the flu, I didn't shake hands with my boss. I apologized & explained that I didn't want to pass anything on (it was obvious I was interviewing while sick). Why would kissing an infant be anymore acceptable? Particularly a newborn!
However, I can't say if I agree with your actions because for me it's all on how you delivered the message, kwim?
What she said.
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| Posted 11/30/08 11:59 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by nrthshgrl
I agree with you that no one should be kissing her ESPECIALLY on the lips with lots of illnesses going around. You're right - she's going to get sick. It doesn't mean you disregard basic common courtesy when you're sick. If I'm sick or getting over an illness, I don't shake hands with someone or even use a store pen to sign a credit card slip so I don't pass it on(ok maybe I'm the only one freak who does that). Even when I interviewed with the flu, I didn't shake hands with my boss. I apologized & explained that I didn't want to pass anything on (it was obvious I was interviewing while sick). Why would kissing an infant be anymore acceptable? Particularly a newborn!
However, I can't say if I agree with your actions because for me it's all on how you delivered the message, kwim?
I said, not in a nasty way, that DH and I don't want anyone kissing her face since there are so many illnesses going around. I didn't make a big thing about it, I just nicely said it figuring they would understand and that would be that. I wasn't defensive about it until his sister shot back with a snide remark about me being crazy and then his other sister's fiancee saying I was ruining her immune system. After that I changed my tune and got a little snippy because I don't care for anyone telling me how to handle my baby. They can not agree with something DH and I are doing with her but they need to respect it and keep their mouths shut about it. DH and I know what is best for our baby and quite simply, they do not. That's why I got so pi$$ed off.
But I agree with you in that it's how you say something which is why I said it nonchalantly and nice at first but get snippy with me, as they did, and all bets are off.
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| Posted 12/1/08 12:00 AM |
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mommy0604
My Son is my world...
Member since 10/07 3270 total posts
Name:
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
I agree with you.
I don't want anyone kissing my child on the lips...
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| Posted 12/1/08 12:05 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
I hate when people disregard your wishes or criticize you when it comes to raising your child .
When DD started crawling around I put a big sign on the door for people to take their shoes off before coming into the house , b/c I felt weird asking them to do so every time they visited , but NOONE EVER took their shoes off.
You have every right to ask them to not kiss the baby on the lips and there is nothing wrong with you trying to protect your child from getting sick at all.
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| Posted 12/1/08 12:11 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Nope I am totally there with you. If it makes you feel any better your ILs aren't the only ones like that. My MIL gave me a lecture when DD was 10 months (she had never been sick - we did classes regularly and always are out and about so it isn't like we lived in a bubble) on how I should be exposing DD to illness or she will forever be sick and esp people with colds - this of course was bc we found out that she lied about having allergy problems when she really had a cold. Luckily she didn't get sick - but DH was so furious that we didn't see her again for a few months.
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| Posted 12/1/08 9:28 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
you were 1000% in the right!
first and foremost, YOU ARE THE MOMMY and YOU get to decide what happens with your baby girl. if that means you don't want anyone kissing her on the lips, sick or not, then that is YOUR CHOICE and NO ONE has the right to make you feel badly about it.
secondly, with everyone being sick, or getting over being sick, i don't think you are unreasonable at all to want to keep your NEWBORN in a "bubble." who wants a sick baby?? if you can prevent it, of course you are going to!!
i am sorry your ILs stink
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| Posted 12/1/08 9:38 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
You are 100% right.
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| Posted 12/1/08 10:16 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by JandJ1224
That would absolutely be unacceptable to me, your baby can get herpes!
Ewwwwwwwwwww..............you are totally right!!!! I didn't even think of that and I know for a fact that one of his sisters and his mom gets herpes on their lips from time to time. Oh that's even grosser now, I'm glad I said something!!
This is my main concern with kissing on the lips. Most children that have oral herpes get it from a parent kissing them on the lips, but it goes without saying that they can get it from ANYONE that kisses them on the lips who has herpes. And the person does not have to have an active herpes outbreak to pass on the disease. Not to mention, herpes can be very dangerous for a little baby.
That being said, I hate it when ANYONE (although I can relate to you on the inlaw portion of this) tells you that you should expose a newborn baby to illness to build their immune system! This is just about the dumbest thing you could ever think! A person's immune system will develop over time. They do not need to get sick in the first few weeks or months of life to have a strong immune system later on!!! If your baby gets so much as a fever right now she will be in the hospital getting a spinal tap. Is that your inlaw's idea of a good way to build an immune system? Sorry to go overboard but I can totally relate to where you are coming from and it just INFURIATES me!!!
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| Posted 12/1/08 10:41 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Okay......tell me if you agree with me or not
Posted by lululu
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by JandJ1224
That would absolutely be unacceptable to me, your baby can get herpes!
Ewwwwwwwwwww..............you are totally right!!!! I didn't even think of that and I know for a fact that one of his sisters and his mom gets herpes on their lips from time to time. Oh that's even grosser now, I'm glad I said something!!
This is my main concern with kissing on the lips. Most children that have oral herpes get it from a parent kissing them on the lips, but it goes without saying that they can get it from ANYONE that kisses them on the lips who has herpes. And the person does not have to have an active herpes outbreak to pass on the disease. Not to mention, herpes can be very dangerous for a little baby.
That being said, I hate it when ANYONE (although I can relate to you on the inlaw portion of this) tells you that you should expose a newborn baby to illness to build their immune system! This is just about the dumbest thing you could ever think! A person's immune system will develop over time. They do not need to get sick in the first few weeks or months of life to have a strong immune system later on!!! If your baby gets so much as a fever right now she will be in the hospital getting a spinal tap. Is that your inlaw's idea of a good way to build an immune system? Sorry to go overboard but I can totally relate to where you are coming from and it just INFURIATES me!!!
You're not going overboard at all. I'm happy you all agree with me. I started to feel like I was crazy because they made such a stink about me not allowing them to kiss her. It just irks me how everyone thinks they know what is best for MY baby.........especially those that don't have kids of their own. So irritating!!
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| Posted 12/1/08 12:23 PM |
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