Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

Most of my and DH's friends are not married, nor do they have children.

Many of my gfs are very career oriented and I feel their reaction to my being pregnant is somewhat negative. I don't know if it's because some of their personal lives aren't going so well but I can't help but feel bad about it.

They'll say comments like how they can't picture me being a mom, whether I will have a nanny or two to raise my kid, how I'm going to juggle my career and be a mom, whether I'm going to be a SAHM (sounding sooooo negative about it like being a SAHM is the worst thing in the entire world).

One of my closest friends and few married friends got married 2 years before me. I suspect they may have some fertility problems because I know they were "not stopping pregnancy" before I was even engaged. After I told her I was pregnant, she has avoided me altogether, not returning emails or phone calls.

I am normally not a sensitive person. I don't know if I'm being hypersensitive because of my pregnancy hormones or what. I am so much more emotional these days.

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

it's likely totally due to the phase of life of many of your friends.

they're still in the 'couples only' phase... where they're DINKS concentrating on settling down, going on vacations, and building thier careers.... as you said, they simply can't relate.

you'll have to just brush it off... becuase they can't help it. they just can't relate. it doesn't sound like they are saying anything mean, they're just being candid from their own perspectives and priorities which are very different from those of a couple looking forward to starting a family.

as for the friend who you suspect is having infertility issues, it's another touchy subject... once again, while it's not right and your friendship is suffering, you know very well where it is coming from... she is likely enduring lots of personal health drama and trauma, and she can't put on a good face and be happy for you becuase of all of her own pain. For her to rise above it and be that selfless and happy for you could be more than she can handle right now. I'm sure you have empathy for what you suspect her situaion may be, but if she's not willing to share it with you, you may have to wait until she hopefully overcomes her IF issues....

major life changes can mean major friendship adjustments... marriages, kids.... some of your friends may have kids in the near future, and will naturally rekindle their relationships with you... I know, it's hard.......

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

That sucks, maybe you'll find out who your friends really are. They should all be extremely happy for you regardless of what their opinion is about having babies, staying home, etc.

I never had anyone not seem happy that I am pregnant, but I've had people act not interested in other things that have gone well for me in life, a new house, car, etc. Which I'm assuming stems from either jealousy or just not knowing how to be happy for someone else or feeling bad for themselves. But you know what, that sucks for them!!!

You'll find many new mommy friends once you have your baby that can be happy for you ...on here or on cafemom.com...don't worry about the ones that can't be.

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

I get the same thing from a lot of my friends.... for me, I believe that its because they do not have kids nor is pregnancy anything they are ready for. Everyone makes their own decisions and I wish people could just be happy for each other!

As for your friends who may have had fertility issues, their reactions are pure jealousy. When I got married, I had some friends who were in my wedding party who did the same thing... wouldnt return my phone calls, wouldn't go out to dinner with us, made a big stink about the bachelorette party... and it hurt... even though I realized that it was pure jealousy.. it still hurt... and now.. they like to make sarcastic jokes about the pregnancy.. and they like to remind me that my life is going to be different, not going out all the time, what about work, blah blah.. but what they dont realize is that its a change that we are not only ready for, but are looking forward to...

I know I just went on and on... but the feelings of upsetness... are totally normal... sometimes, jealousy gets the best of others, and there is nothing we can do but be upset at their actions, but realize that it really doesnt matter what they think about you being pregnant... it only matters how you and your DH feel...

and btw.. you know we are all excited for you!

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

I have a few friends that avoid the whole pregnancy all together......never asking me anything about it. I feel like maybe that they are either not happy or just jealous.......

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

People, by nature are self absorbed - Pregnancy is like a Wedding - it's the most important thing going on in YOUR life ........but not anyone else's ....

So, while you're friends areprobably 'happy' for you, they are probably not as excited as you'd hope b/c
1. your pregnancy really doesn't have anything to do w/ them
2. They can not relate at all

Other Moms are MUCH more excited around me, asking 100 questions, BUT they're doing that b/c they can THEN give me THEIR advice and their experiences and talk about THEIR kids and themselves ........

My unattached friends, or those who don't have kids yet are not as chatty about the whole thing .......

Which honestly is fine w/ me b/c I hate talking about myself - and I don't really like being fussed over -

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

Those type of comments are so negative, sounds like they are in a totally different stage and mind set in their lives and just cannot relate to what you are going through. I would be annoyed just like you. Only devote your time to those that really care, otherwise you are wasting your time on people that are just going to upset you.

DH and I are among the 1st to have children as well so I know a lot of people cannot relate so we only spend our time with those who you know truly care and are excited for us and the baby, those are your true friends.

Message edited 9/23/2008 11:36:06 AM.

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

Posted by MarisaK

People, by nature are self absorbed - Pregnancy is like a Wedding - it's the most important thing going on in YOUR life ........but not anyone else's ....

So, while you're friends areprobably 'happy' for you, they are probably not as excited as you'd hope b/c
1. your pregnancy really doesn't have anything to do w/ them
2. They can not relate at all

Other Moms are MUCH more excited around me, asking 100 questions, BUT they're doing that b/c they can THEN give me THEIR advice and their experiences and talk about THEIR kids and themselves ........

My unattached friends, or those who don't have kids yet are not as chatty about the whole thing .......

Which honestly is fine w/ me b/c I hate talking about myself - and I don't really like being fussed over -

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

I feel like some people care more than others... I try not to take it too personally, it's their issue not mine.

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

Posted by MarisaK

People, by nature are self absorbed - Pregnancy is like a Wedding - it's the most important thing going on in YOUR life ........but not anyone else's ....

So, while you're friends areprobably 'happy' for you, they are probably not as excited as you'd hope b/c
1. your pregnancy really doesn't have anything to do w/ them
2. They can not relate at all

Other Moms are MUCH more excited around me, asking 100 questions, BUT they're doing that b/c they can THEN give me THEIR advice and their experiences and talk about THEIR kids and themselves ........

My unattached friends, or those who don't have kids yet are not as chatty about the whole thing .......

Which honestly is fine w/ me b/c I hate talking about myself - and I don't really like being fussed over -

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

I think its def. a common thing. Unfortunetly people drift and entered different phases in their lives. For example, some of my so-called friends who are unattached haven't even called to see how I am doing. That does bother me. But the flip side is several of my other friends (some without kids as well) are def. interested.

Re: Do you ever feel like people are not happy for you?

this is my 4th (and final) and you would NOT belivehow negative people are. I have 3 boys and people say "its just going to be a boy" and "your chances of having a girl are slim to none" its almost like they're hoping i get a boy. Friends that don't understand, won't, until they have their own kids. My friends don't really get why ican't go to lunch on a tuesday at the drop of a dime or why i have to plan all my "outting" so far in advance.... or why i don't want to "just bring" my 3 kids (10,4,3) out to dinner with everyone